Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

[youspinmerightround]

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

@hellsbells and the women (including my lovely drunk of a DW) who behave in the same manner.

OP - I am really sorry this has happened. I feel your pain more than you will ever know.

Thinking of you!

If he is used to you being the one who gives in, the one who smooths things over even at your own expense, then "180". If you usually tell him everything, don't give him any information to work with that is not strictly necessary - such as stuff to do with the children or whatever.

So, for instance, if you haven't told him already, do not tell him you are going out tonight. Just tell him when you will be back (for the children's sake). Shift that balance of power NOW.

If you normally get guilted into doing various tasks, stop doing them (again, unless the children are involved). Do not do anything for him, nothing. If there is dirty laundry of his, he can take it to Daddy's to wash. If there is important mail of his coming to the house, ignore it.

He's on his own now, he made that choice.

What a situation. OW ay Mummy's, your H at his Daddy's, OP, YOU are the mature one here. You are the strong adult whose life will go from strength to strength.

Re my post above, meant "do not tell him WHERE you are going out tonight...". He has no right to know any more.

Bradybounce1 - WHAT????????

I found a receipt for flowers too. My arsehole exH spent £100 on roses which he ordered over the phone to her local florist. The florist sent the handwritten card receipt to our house as ‘cardholder not present’ and conveniently put the OWs delivery add on the receipt - which was an office and company name, and her name. So I called her. And calmly asked why would it be that my husband was sending her £100 of roses. She said the roses had come from her boyfriend and was most confused. She was under the impression she was in a LTR with this man, a divorcee,who worked away an awful lot. He was according to her, forced to remain living in the martial home with his exW (me!!) as I had undergone a huge breakdown, suicide attempts and was unstable. None of that is remotely true. And he wasn’t divorced far from it.

The reality was i was in my wait after my third round of IVF to find out if I was pregnant. She (the OW) had been sent the roses by my exH (who she thought was her BF) to cheer her up because they’d just made the painful decision to have a termination. She’d been pregnant.

So he was going through IVF with me, while terminating a baby with her, on the same week. Sick?? Just a bit.

OP you need people who love you around you; you will gain strength from this. You don’t need to be coherent or chatty or anything but you need that support. Send a text if you can’t speak.

Been thinking about you all day, knowing only too well how it hurts.

So was it his idea to leave?

Darling you will feel as if you can't breathe as the pain is so intense. Every day something else will be like a knife in your heart.
All you can do it exist for a while. Do what you need to do to survive.
See friends, exercise, shop or whatever you have to do to survive.
You may not sleep so start a book or box set.
You may not eat but force little bits to stay alive.
Then one day, when you aren't expecting it you will feel a little better and from then on it will get easier.
I wanted to die when it happened to me, I barely think of him now.
You can do this.

Chin up OP.

There’s a news article on the BBC today about a quashed rape conviction. The reason? Because someone had managed to find the ‘deleted’ Facebook messages proving his innocence - so it is possible, I just don’t know how.

I have been thinking of you all day too.

I have been the other woman, but must stress I had absolutely no idea whatsoever until I got a phone call from his wife,on New Years Eve, 2 years ago. He blocked me and never explained his actions, it was almost like he just died. I realise how painful it must have been for his wife and mother of his child and even though I had no idea feel so sorry and guilty. Men can be so smart but the days where I don’t question things are certainly over.

Please stay strong, OP.

Look after yourself.

Don't deleted messages go into the archive folder?

Alabasterangel6 I work in the IVF field and there is a lot of stress, both physical and emotional, as you well know. I thought I had heard everything but that is probably the worst story I have heard. Your ex is disgusting.

You could just tell the kids that your DH's Dad needs him to stay there with him for a bit. You could say you have a bit of a flu. One day at a time. Or one hour at time. Try not to jump into the future too much.

There’s a news article on the BBC today about a quashed rape conviction. The reason? Because someone had managed to find the ‘deleted’ Facebook messages proving his innocence - so it is possible, I just don’t know how

May be the police investigation that allowed that though?

Contact the woman and ask for the messages if you really want to see them? She might want to help you. I would want to see them, but it doesn't actually change much. You can guess the kind of thing they might say

@frasier indeed. He was a total wanker and as things unravelled I found out it wasn’t the first time either. And not since; he’s done it to her too. The cycle didn’t work and ironically I was overjoyed to get a BFN.

My story has a happy ending. I’m married with two DC now. To a man who isn’t a wanker.

OP your story will have a happy ending too, I’m willing to make a promise on that one. It will get better. You are already being brilliant in that you know your morals and you know your own tolerances. I think you’re going to surprise yourself here; you’re stronger than you think.

OP, if you are on good terms with his dad contact him to be sure that he has the right story. Your husband doesn't respect the truth and it's unlikely that he will tell his father anything that puts him in such a bad light.

I feel the same, SeaEagle more likely he'll be the poor misunderstood bloke only being nice to his depressed friend by sending her flowers

His dad was cheated on. Maybe he'll guess the truth.

It’s not just waitingforthendtocome

We came through it too 😊

The song lyrics seem to suggest that whatever was going on is ended, presumably by her. Something was going on, or is going on, that's for sure.

Who’s idea was it to leave, OP? His or yours? Is he apologising and begging for another chance?

Also to those on about the fb messages. Once they’re deleted they’re gone. You USED to be able to go into the deleted folder but you can no longer do that.

OP if it was innocent he wouldn’t have deleted the messages. That tells you all you need to know. Even if on the slim chance they were innocent, the fact is you just don’t send flowers to another woman with ‘my love’ if you are just friends.

I do however think you should not be telling the kids anything just yet.
Tell them he’s gotta go somewhere, whatever, just don’t tell them the truth yet. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since you found out. You’re still processing it. I think it would be unfair to involve the children right now

'So he was going through IVF with me, while terminating a baby with her, on the same week. Sick?? Just a bit'

Dear god. Every time you think you've heard the lowest of the low, there's always worse. What a disgusting scumbag Alabaster

OP, I'm thinking of you too. The woman from the Samaritans is right - you will absolutely 100% get through this. I'm so sorry that things will be so shitty for a while, but you will get through this. You are getting through this.

Your husband's behaviour is so truly pathetic that it would be funny if it wasn't causing you such utter heartbreak. What a sad little specimen he is.

Hells not all men cheat. I guess Brady is pointing out that women do too and men get hurt.