Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

[youspinmerightround]

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

Gosh OP that's a pretty tough tale to swallow.

Really don't place yourself under any pressure to decide what you can or cannot get past. Just focus on yourself for the next few days, catch your breath and spend time with those you trust most and who love you best.

Hope you get some sleep ;-x)

Please be careful believing it was just an emotional affair. He hasn't given you an ounce of honesty yet - so why would he be honest now?

Sending love and praying for you OP.

I wonder why, if angry, the OW didn't block him and/or tell you though OP? You know her right?

Maybe you need to get her side of the story.

Actually, yes using "my love" for someone he hadn't met and who didn't want to meet up with him sounds a bit dodgy. Does he typically use flowery romantic language?

Oh OP, I’m so sorry.

If the flowers were supposed to be an apology, then why did they say ‘my love’. Smells of bullshit.

Didn’t want it to be.

Been there too, I am sorry this is happening. I ended my marriage over a similar situation and after a rough two years came out other side. It didn't matter that he hadn't slept with her, the trust was broken.
We are all here and pulling for you. Please take care of yourself, try to eat and drink a little in a few hours time. You have had a terrible shock and will have adrenaline levels going up and down like crazy.

Sorry just trying to catch up with all the lovely messages.

Thank you so so much for all the love and support shown here tonight.

Lot of posters mentioning the message... I literally just said hey to see if the previous messages would reappear. They didn't.

I don't know what I'm going to do. He is sleeping on the couch tonight as he is taking the youngest dc out tomorrow already planned.

I keep thinking we can work through it then I remember the message on the flowers. That has killed me.😢

Oh no sorry he has met her they used to work together. Just hadn't met up. He said the message was a song quote

For what it's worth I think he's lying.

But, even if he isn't, that's a pretty terrible thing he did.

He called her "My Love!!!"

What a liar

so sorry! what a knob

One day at a time - maybe an hour/minute at a time when you feel so raw.

My advice is to "detach" from your DH to give yourself some space.

Ideally ask him to go elsewhere - friends/family etc. If he won't then spare bedroom/sofa.

Your heart might want to to cleave to him but he needs to know right now you will not tolerate this.

I'm not sure what your long term choices will be - stay/leave and I'm not suggesting you make them now.

What you do need to do is be clear that he has put your marriage at risk and YOU decide what happens next. That's how you keep your head together - by running the show.

I'm so sorry for you. That stomach churning shaky feeling. My Love is a Paul Mcartney and Wings song, unless there's another. What a shit. Why put a quote on something if there's no shared history about it.

He could be lying. I feel for you.

Just a thought...... If messages were deleted would they be in the bin/recycle ?

Op.... The message on the flowers is a killer. So sorry.

Ah, so if you messaged her on the thread, she would have thought the "hey' was from him?

Has he spoken to her since he got home do you know? Is he trying to sort a story out with her now?

I'm sorry, so so sorry.

I am so sorry this happened to you. If you close your eyes and think about it though, do you really think anyone would call someone else "my love" when they hadn't even met up yet? (Regardless of whether they used to work together)

People don't call others "love" unless there is something more going on.

I understand how badly it hurts. But you cannot just blindly believe what he tells you. He is trying to minimize what he has done/is doing so you will forgive him without knowing the entirety of the situation 💐

So he has admitted he wanted to meet up? I hate him already and he is not even my dh. The flowers are also pretty gut wrenching. I agree with you op.

I guess it’s mildly plausible he was so far just online flirting but his intentions seem pretty full on. I hate men sometime. If the OW did really get annoyed at him maybe she is more decent that we imagined. You may get some truth from her if you contact her? Hope you get some sleep tonight op x

he did try to and she said no

When I caught my ex at it he said they did try to have sex but he felt so guilty to me he couldn't.

She was pregnant at the time.

He's admitted only what you know already, That's what they do.

Ask to see:

-his phone
-his phone bill (to see how many times he's deleted the record of their calls)
-his email account
-any other accounts he has (WhatsApp etc)
-his bank account

What phone has he got? If it's an iPhone for example it may be tracking his whereabouts so you can see if he's been to her town. Let us know and we may be able to help you use his technology to find the truth.

Even if he only sent her flowers he owes it to you to let you look until you are satisfied. Trying to talk you out of it means he almost certainly has something to hide.

But - even if it's only what he admits - that's a total betrayal. The intent was there.

He only told you because you found out.

Op, at the risk of being flamed I want to share a bit of my story with you that I hope will be helpful.

I was once the ow, in a situation very similar to your own. The guy sent me a box of very posh chocolates that read "I'm sorry xxx". He was then sent a catalogue by the company to his house, which his gf saw. Since he'd never bought her anything from that company, she got suspicious and managed to log into his account with them using his email and guessing his password. She saw my name, address and the message he'd sent with it. When she confronted him he told her that we'd met once in a club recently, then emailed each other a few times but he'd got cold feet when I'd suggested I wanted more and so sent me the chocs as a goodbye. It was complete lies. We'd been seeing each other for over a year and a half, I'd given him an ultimatum that I didn't want to carry on as things were and had given him a deadline to break up with his gf. The chocs and "sorry" were because he had passed the deadline and hadn't done it. He is giving you a classic cheaters lie, based on the small amount of information you've found. He will continue to minimise unless you find more information showing he's lying. Just the fact he deleted the messages is proof that he's already covering his tracks and making sure you have the minimum information possible. Don't believe a word, it's very likely the tip of the iceberg.

I'm so sorry you're suffering. I'm in no way condoning my own actions, I only wanted to speak up to let you know, as someone who has been on the other side of a nearly identical story, it's never as simple and clear cut as the cheater will try to make you believe. Never. Be prepared for more revelations.

I can't sleep. I went back downstairs to ask him again about the message on the flowers I can't stop thinking about it. He just said it's from a song they both like

youspin Are you up to going in there right now and asking to see his phone/laptop?

See if he has spoken to her in the last hour.

I've asked him to see the messages he said they're all gone but he wouldn't have showed me anyway because even though they weren't sexual or emotional in anyway they were personal and he thinks it pick at things in them and fixate on them. Look for deeper meanings to mundane chit chat.

I think if he had nothing to hide he would show me. But like he said they're gone anyway.

I think he's lying to cover his tracks. I am so sorry.