Did my boyfriend rape me?

[Jaquithefirst]

OK first off I have mental issues mainly around anxiety due to a chaotic childhood among other things. I take medication for this which does not react well to oral contraceptives. I am terrified, absolutely terrified, of the thought of becoming pregnant and have always made anyone I've been with wear a condom.
I've been with my current partner for eight months and although he hates condoms he has used them.
Last night he was out drinking and I was in bed asleep. I woke at 3am to find him very drunk pulling my pajama bottoms off. I was lying on my front and he was trying to enter me. I was tired but got up to get a condom and put it on him with much difficulty.
He turned me round, and with difficulty, muttering about my 'fat arse' he pushed my legs apart with he knees and entered me. He had sex with me for about ten minutes, I was tired and just waited him out. Eventually he pulled out and I thought he was finished but as I turned around he entered me again. I turned my head and saw him drop the condom on the duvet. I panicked straight away and said "no please don't". He just pushed in as far as he could go and held me in that position without moving. At this stage I was crying for him to stop. After just a minute I felt him jerk as he ejaculated inside me. He stayed in me for a bit longer and pulled out before walking to the toilet. He returned to find me crying and squatting on a Kleenex in the middle of the bedroom. He just gave me a woozy drunken look and went straight to sleep.
I was awake all night and confronted him when he finally woke. He claims he doesn't remember anything. Now I'm terrified of being pregnant. What should I do?

@PersianCatLady I believe that a court hearing this scenario would determine that the rape began at "no". She put the condom on her partner, therefore he would have interpreted this as consent to have sex with her. When he took the condom off, the situation changes and consent is needed once again, to which it's not given.
@octoberfarm has explained very well in her PP.

OP, evidence can be taken from you for 5 days. Keep underwear, even if it's been in the wash, dna can occasionally still be taken.

Jacqui it is heart breaking to think of you squatting. Yes there will still be done in you. You are still at my risk of pregnancy and std's. He raped you. Please don't minimise this.
Do you have anyone you can call? I agree with pp anyone even a work colleague. If you do not, and do not feel safe. Call 101 and lock him out. Tell 101 what you have done and why. Please get tbe morning after pill and report this man.

I don't know what to do because I am so worried about you.

Here is a whole host of information with lots of links and advice -
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexualhealth/Pages/Sexualassault.aspx

Ideally I think that you should get out of that house tonight but I don't think that you are ready to do that yet.

If you need help quickly tonight call 999 straight away.

If you need to talk to someone tonight you can call the free, 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247

The Rape Crisis national freephone helpline on 0808 802 9999 but it is not open right now, it is open between 12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm (every day of the year)

Other than that if you decide not to do anything else, tomorrow you need to get your emergency contraception sorted out, any of these can help you there -

• a doctor or practice nurse at your GP surgery
• a hospital accident and emergency (A&E) department
• a genitourinary medicine (GUM) or sexual health clinic
• a contraceptive clinic
• a pharmacy (have to pay though)

Just found an emergency contraception guide, it is here -
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/where-can-i-get-emergency-contraception.aspx

I don't know where you live but in London this organisation can help you 24 hours a day -
www.thehavens.org.uk/how-we-can-help/

Even if you aren't in London, I am sure that they will be able to guide you to someone that can help you in your area.

Op call someone before he comes back home please

This isn’t about you Persian,or that you don’t know what to do
It’s all about op.What she chooses to do

Agree with byebyeprivacy even a neighbour could maybe help.
Jacqui is he home yet? What are you doing? This is not your fault.

@PersianCatLady I believe that a court hearing this scenario would determine that the rape began at "no". She put the condom on her partner, therefore he would have interpreted this as consent to have sex with her
The OP is very confused about what happened (her words "but when I let him have sex with me. I put a condom on him") so I don't want to debate what a court may or may not say.

(ellaphant - I mean absolutely no disrespect to you by not talking about it with you, it is a topic for another time)

Lipstick please stop.

This isn’t about you Persian,or that you don’t know what to do
It’s all about op.What she chooses to do
Seriously, what is wrong with you?

It was a figure of speech, I just meant that I didn't know what else to suggest to her.

Hello sorry I'm just so confused when I put the condom on I was consenting? And when he took it off and ejaculated inside me that's still that consent?

Jacqui, you consented at first, but only WITH a condom- and you made that totally clear. He changed the context without consent, that became rape... On top of that you said no and he continued.

There's no question- and it's not too late for evidence. Call the police.

You put thecomdom on because You found him trying to enter you while you were asleep which was wrong of him anyway. When your turned and he entered you without the condom you said no. Op he knows you are scared of getting pregnant so to enter without a condom was wrong. Plus you said no. Most importantly. You said no. It is your body. How dare he.

Do you feel safe? Is he due home soon? Is there anyone in real life that can help You?

Can you afford to pay for a taxi and night at a hotel? If so, get out of the house asap and give yourself some space and time to think about everything else. Please find some way - anyway - to get safely away out of the house before he comes home again.

Anxious this is a sensitive thread about op
It’s not a thread for you to randomly command I “stop”
Let’s all keep it focussed on appropriate advice for op

@Jaquithefirst the initial sex between you and your partner was, although reluctant, consensual.

When he took the condom off, the sex was not consensual and therefore rape.

I hope you are okay x

My exact reason why you should stop.

youre not a moderator if you feel it’s in appropriate report me.otherwise don’t instruct me what to post
You’ll note I haven’t instructed you to stop.i hope for the same from you
As you were

Get the morning after pill, just walk into any chemist and ask for it and they'll give it to you no problem it's 30pounds so bring your debit card.

Have a serious talk with him, after you said no and cried and he carried on. This is rape. If he still acts like it's not a big deal, leave him as this is a red flag for other things to come.

I agree with others that this was clearly rape. From the fact he started when you were asleep (without gaining consent), then insulted you and acted aggressively in his words and actions, you agreed (possibly under duress) but certainly with the clear condition of wearing a condom. He then disregarded this condition, held you down and re-entered / ejaculated inside you specifically against your vocalised wishes.

Please get out of the house and seek help from a friend, police or some other source of support.

If you can't afford a hotel, perhaps take a taxi to a 24hr supermarket or McDonald's etc? You can then work out what to do next.

You need to know this was rape. Right now you don't need to worry about having a strong enough story for the police. You do but right now you need to worry about 1. Contraceptive. 2. Staying safe tonight. And 3. How to leave this creature for good, because you must.

Morning after pill free from most NHS walk-in centres or urgent care centres, most GP surgeries and some A&E departments

Hello sorry I'm just so confused when I put the condom on I was consenting
Don't worry about it now.

Everybody agrees that at some point, you withdrew your consent and that makes what he did to you rape.

Do you feel safe right now??

Have you heard from him at all since he went out??

Everyone telling OP to get the morning after pill, are we clear in what way she means it interacts badly with her anxiety meds. Instead of insisting she needs to take MAP, perhaps the best advice is to speak to a doctor or a pharmacist about the best option for her?

(However IMO the first priority needs to be ensuring the same thing doesn't happen again tonight, if the boyfriend is still out drinking and likely to come home in similar circumstances having done what he did once before).

He's not back yet. I hope hell just fall asleep straight away.

Yes do see the dr who prescribed the psychiatric meds,discuss what’s gone on
Prior to dispensing MAP op will be asked about medication taken (contraindications)
I’d recomend get support for physical and mental wellbeing asap