Thank you all for your messages. I know you're all so right in saying the problem needs to be discussed to get a precise answer out of DH. Unfortunately, I don't feel I can talk to him anymore, he seems very unapproachable and unavailable all the time. Even small things I bring to his attention would invariably bring some sort of negative comment out of him and that makes me very angry and am really doing my best not to respond as I know I'd come up with something that would hurt his feelings. Besides, he's not a very good communicator and he always feel the need to raise his voice (which Ii absolutely detest and have told him so in the past, but he just doesn't seem able to control himself). All the conversation we have is absolutely minimal which has led me to not telling him an awful lot of 'stories' I gather during the day (about family, neighbours, interesting things I've read or heard of, just chat) because every time I do that he either is totally uninterested (unless about DD) or ends the conversation in a manner that makes me feel like an idiot for thinking what I was telling him was important or interesting. So basically we don't talk about anything. And now I'm at a stage where I don't want to talk to him, I don't need him to change because it would be a forced change, the way he is now comes naturally to him, even if he'd change it would be for a short while. I just don't want him anymore at the moment. Don't know if I'll ever want him. He managed to put me right off himself.
Lonelymum, it is very disheartening not to be acknowledged, isn't it... I feel like an invisible housekeeper (at least housekeeper get spoken to politely and in a considerate manner). I did think about the issue of husbands being somewhat affected when their wives become mothers (birth & motherhood) and if that is the case (I don't know if it is) he is an absolute idiot especially as he wanted a child in the first place. I often feel that because he's got what he wanted from me there's no need for him to make any effort anymore. Just like a spider catches an insect in its web, the job it's done, if it's hungry, it'll eat it later. And I'm sure it doesn't even cross his mind that I could possibly ever cheat on him because there is no danger of me ever meeting anyone remotely interesting. Before, he was insecure at times, he wouldn't admit it but I felt I had the upper hand in a way because he didn't want to loose me and perhaps thought it was easy for me to stray. In a way that was flattering but in another way I felt such feelings were so wrong as I never intended looking at another man. All changed now I'm afraid, he just doesn't know it. At least I trust myself at present.
reallyembarrassedbut Hi! but you're still happy to maintain the partnership as it is, am I right? Do you ever think what else you could be doing or you don't want to leave her side because you love her or are too committed
dogwalker, thanks for you message. Don't even attempt to read all the messages, they spread over 3 threads and you'd fall asleep straightaway! I know you are absolutely right about the need to talk. I just don't feel like talking to him or approach him in any way as I said earlier. I don't think there is much love here. His behaviour towards me does not suggest any, and I'm very quickly running out of love for him. If I could I would move away. I just don't see how to do it in practical terms and it would break my heart to take DD away from her loving father. I would never leave DD either obviously so I am in a big big dilemma here.
bobs I always like your messages, very positive , encouraging and dynamic. And of course could never forget the pillows story (smile). It's just plain boring now, there is no fun, no expectations of nice things to come, I feel abandoned at an emotional level and lonely with DH right next to me. What is there to come back?I understand what you are saying, just don't see it happening to us. maybe your DH is more open as a person and that helped?
newstart, glad I could inspire you. Love your new name! Hmm...never used to look at these men on TV and think Oh yeah. It is happening now. I was driving home today and saw the most amazing looking guy waiting on the side of the road and I felt like gasping for air that's how impressed I was with his looks. And instead of looking at him discreetly through my sunglasses, like one should, I literally turned my head and looked straight at him whilst driving past. And my confident and, what I believed to be, discreet smile is not the done thing coming from a married woman. narrow street, cars parked both sides, nearly collided with the oncoming car. How cool is that?! I couldn't believe myself. How silly!! but in my defence he just looked like a poster. Off to bed now to have nice dreams about strange guys and car accidents!