He's obsessed with saving money/deals - has a go at me if i spend 5pm on a carrier bag

[Sounsure777]

My boyfriend (we don't live together) is excellent with money (good thing) but to the point where he admits that "couponing" is his hobby(he is 39 years old - not 89).

I found a supermarket receipt with around 20 items on - each one with a small tick by it and next to some apples he'd written a sum like 165 / 6 = xxx - i.e. working out THE COST PER APPLE!

I spoke to him about it being weird and he said he had a voucher and wanted to check it had been deducted from the bill (it clearly said at bottom of bill ( - £1.00 off apples) but he still felt need/had the TIME(!) to sit and work it out fully - he has a job but no kids and always complains hes so busy etc - I think he has TOO much time on hands to be doing this. Is it very weird and a warning sign?

In the beginning he wasn't great with treating me - he would expect me to pay exactly half which got a bit tiring (since discovered that he didn't want to "be taken for a ride" in early days.) He's got better and now treats me sometimes , as I do to him so its pretty even however overall he is just very money focussed - always talking about deals and coupons in supermarkets etc. He's got a big house which he saved hard for, he earns a good salary but puts all spare into mortgage and pension (talking around £800 a month in to pension). Hes VERY careful with money and he'll have a very wealthy retirement no doubt but it drives me nuts how he is so focussed on the best deals etc to point I don't want to shop with him.

If I turn up with a 5p carrier bag he comments. I worry if we live together /marriage.kids etc when our money is jointly "ours" he will be moaning at me if I shop somewhere where the milk is 10p more etc - anyone else got a partner like this?:????

I think your attitudes to money are too different to be compatible - he'll drive you batshit when all you want is to nip out and grab a pack of nappies and a ready meal and he's pithering about trying to work out price per nappy...

Nah I wouldn't live with someone like that.

I couldnt live with that attitude..I'm impressed by it but don't want it in my life. Good qualities out weigh it? Can you live and accept his quirk

It won’t end well if kids and a joint house come into it

He knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Whilst being prudent is sensible, being a tight arse is a huge turn off and bloody miserable.

Good grief no.
He'd have been to kicked to the curb ages ago.
It's not a bad thing that he's doing.
I just figure, we only live once, and life is too short to live the rest of it watching every single penny you spend.
Does he want to get married?
I would imagine the planning for that would be very 'interesting'!!!

Hmm, can't you just ignore the penny pinching if the long term gains are attractive?

I think you’ll probably be fine if you dont progress the relationship. No marrying, no living together and no kids. I’d be telling him that as well.

If these things are important to you then you’ll need to make a choice at some point.

Ever heard the saying Mean with money, mean with love?

There's a reason it is a common saying.

Beware!

I doubt it’ll change I’m afraid.
I shared a house with someone once who’s fiancé would visit most weekends. He’d itemise all food used during the weekend and they’d split the cost - down to the 4.5 p each for half a can of tinned tomatoes. It was wierd.

Think very carefully about getting into a serious relationship/having children. If you were to do anything to damage/postpone your career which children often do then money needs to become family money - would he do this?

If you want to spend your own money on a carrier bag then he doesn't even get to comment about it far less "have a go" about it.

It is absolutely none of his business and doesn't affect him at all. Have you told him that?

People are allowed to be different, I'd find it worrying that he is trying to make you adopt his values rather than him respecting your own values.

If he is making these kinds of comments now when it is absolutely none of his business how you spend your own money, what do you think he'll be like if you share money in the future? I'd be willing to bet that you would get a very small allowance from him and he'd want to check the receipts of every single thing that you buy.

That sounds AWFUL.

I'm careful with money too. I bought a house from a result of a decade worth of saving and being frugal but I never dragged a partner in to my miserable frugal existence! It sounds like he does see you as a team right this minute in that he'll treat you occasionally knowing that you treat him and that you fall in to line with his couponing, but if you had a child with this man and wanted to do something more expensive because it was better or easier or gave more quality of life, he would accuse you of being a spendthrift. My dad does that to me actually and it drives me crazy!! And he's just my Dad, I don't share finances with him.

"Think very carefully about getting into a serious relationship/having children. If you were to do anything to damage/postpone your career which children often do then money needs to become family money - would he do this?"

Yes, if your child was in creche and he said that it wasn't profitable you going back to work would he fight you? Would he make you buy the cheapest nappies and the cheapest clothes and would the nursery or creche be selected not because it was the best, nearest and easiest but because it was the cheapest? Making your life harder?

Things with which I would not put:

"Having a go" at you

Insisting on doing this counting/reckoning at any time when I had to wait about for him to do it.

*up with which I would not put

anyone else got a partner like this?:????

Yes, but it's not a problem as I am just like it too We actually met via the well-known money saving website!

No. Just no.
My H is becoming increasingly like this with age. It only gets worse.
And it started going that way after we had kids and I stayed home to take care of them.
I think before - he controlled it better as I was working and spending my own money.
And now he feels like I am spending his hard earned money - and not spending but ‘wasting’ - if I don’t look for a deal, etc.

Leads to arguments at times, and unhappiness (on his side).
I ignore his whining most of the time, and do my thing anyway, but I am not an easy person to bully.
Also - I am not really a big spender - so find this aggravation over a few pennies here and there not worth anyone’s time.

But - if my H behaved like this from the beginning - i’d never have stayed with him.

This man is 39. He will not change and will only get worse. This is a form of OCD, I think.
If you don’t like it now, not living with him, and not being dependent on him - you’ll not like who he’ll turn into as he ages.

Sorry

Yuk!! Just NO!!

Only works if you are ‘both’ totally like this

Yes that's my concern - gets worse - the other day he had an almost full tank of petrol (95% full) but because we drove past a garage which was selling petrol at a good rate he stopped to squeeze in around £5 worth of fuel) - cringe!

Too many major life decisions are so linked with money that embarking on this together would he a fucking nughtmare.

Would he expect you to pay 50% of bills even on mat leave or if you went pt with the kids? Would he expect the childcare bill to be covered by you? Would he quibble every time you bought yourself or the kids a treat?

It would be fine if you were the same way
But if he's implying your a slattern for buying a 5p bag
Then he doesn't respect you in anyway

He has no respect for your choices.

what seems like a minor annoyance now, will be absolutely impossible to live with in a year or two. Please take heed