He's obsessed with saving money/deals - has a go at me if i spend 5pm on a carrier bag

[Sounsure777]

My boyfriend (we don't live together) is excellent with money (good thing) but to the point where he admits that "couponing" is his hobby(he is 39 years old - not 89).

I found a supermarket receipt with around 20 items on - each one with a small tick by it and next to some apples he'd written a sum like 165 / 6 = xxx - i.e. working out THE COST PER APPLE!

I spoke to him about it being weird and he said he had a voucher and wanted to check it had been deducted from the bill (it clearly said at bottom of bill ( - £1.00 off apples) but he still felt need/had the TIME(!) to sit and work it out fully - he has a job but no kids and always complains hes so busy etc - I think he has TOO much time on hands to be doing this. Is it very weird and a warning sign?

In the beginning he wasn't great with treating me - he would expect me to pay exactly half which got a bit tiring (since discovered that he didn't want to "be taken for a ride" in early days.) He's got better and now treats me sometimes , as I do to him so its pretty even however overall he is just very money focussed - always talking about deals and coupons in supermarkets etc. He's got a big house which he saved hard for, he earns a good salary but puts all spare into mortgage and pension (talking around £800 a month in to pension). Hes VERY careful with money and he'll have a very wealthy retirement no doubt but it drives me nuts how he is so focussed on the best deals etc to point I don't want to shop with him.

If I turn up with a 5p carrier bag he comments. I worry if we live together /marriage.kids etc when our money is jointly "ours" he will be moaning at me if I shop somewhere where the milk is 10p more etc - anyone else got a partner like this?:????

I couldn’t up with this shit for one second.

Agree it a bit OCD like, in the rigidity and the obsessional quality of the behaviour and the unwavering belief that this is the ‘right’ way to do life.

That will be super annoying if you get more serious or live together

I don't think you're compatible

Fuck that for a joke. What a turn off. Stopping for a fiver in petrol?! I'm embarrassed for him.

He's already said if we live together and our money is collectively "ours" then we will need to make sure we get the most of "our" money etc - he said he wouldn't be happy with me wasting "our" money by doing a full food shop in local co op instead of big Tesco etc - I agree with all that in principal but if I decide to grab some bits from local co op just because its convenient and I hate big supermarkets for a few bits then I don't want to be told off

Yes the fuel was soooo cringey

He jokingly says "what???!!!" when my son comes in with a magazine or something from the shop - a jokey "telling off" about how magazines are a rip off etc ( yes I know they are but if I choose to treat my son with MY money then I don't expect any comments, jokes or not).

I currently work full time, if we lived together and had a baby he asked how id feel giving up work (and him giving me an allowance) - I said not on your life!! lol - I will always work - part time if had another child but will not give up work as would hate to be dependent on him for a measley allowance !

Jesus
End this now.
You're child is not allowed a treat!!!???
And he might be "joking" about being annoyed with the magazine.
But you do actually realise he is NOT joking

your allowance would be tuppence halfpenny with this miser!

He sounds obsessed. Being money and bargain conscious is great but you're right, he's taking it too far. I would go as far as to say he might have a mental health problem, it's a form of controlling things. And it's already affecting you because he's said about the 5p bag. You should be entitled to spend your money on whatever you want without being worried about him kicking off etc. I would tell him your worries. He might be able to reign it in. It will be awkward if you get married etc x

Ask him how he'd feel if he gave up work to look after a baby and you gave him an allowance. All perfectly possible. He'd run a mile, I suspect.

He would demand complete control over every penny you spent. It would be awful.

Stopping for petrol shows this is way beyond simply being frugal. This is not someone who should have children - his attitude to money is not compatible.

I won't go into who is right or wrong here op , but I do think you're incompatible.

A life together would be pretty miserable for you because you'd be walking on eggshells if you dared buy biscuits from m and s and he'd be on edge because he clearly likes to scrimp and save all of the time.

My x was nowhere this bad with money (but he did fight me hard over maintenance so there's some writing on the wall) but I should have said to him if you value your time so poorly that you want to go to three different supermarkets and buy different things in each then go ahead but my time is worth more to me than the savings! because he never trawled round the shops hunting for bargains HIMSELF

We have friends like this. Lovely people but when we go round theirs for dinner we have to put on extra layers as they don’t turn on the heating, we eat cheap food and gone off beer and they deliberate over every little purchase despite being very wealthy. When they come to ours they ask to take the leftovers home lol!
Life’s too short. I’d rather have less money in the bank but a warm house and nice food.

He sounds very controlling. It doesn’t matter that it’s dressed up as being frugal. ‘Jokey’ comments are digs disguised as jokes. Don’t marry him!

After that update...!!!
RUN FOR THE HILLS
THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Fuck this shit.
No way on this planet would a guy like that be part of mine or my DC life.
To not even be allowed a magazine!
This is your life for the next 10-20 years if you let this continue.

My DH is very money focussed. If there's one reason I could or would give for not marrying him again ..not would be this.

He has bought everything cash...except our house. Including 3 brand new cars.

He's bought me 2 cars.

He buys sofas...fridges and a new boiler easily with cash outright.

He saves a lot. He won't replace an item until it's totally worn out...like socks...pyjamas.....shoes. He repairs things that are on their last legs... he never puts himself forwards to pay for things.

Our mortgage was paid off within 18 years.

It's great to know the bailiffs will never be at the front door... but he's too tight with money for my liking.

Had I posted about him when on maternity leave and our DC young...I know you'd have all said to LTB.

Having said that my dear friend had to remortgage her home because her DH got into £50k gambling debt.... if rather my DH than hers ... but I'd prefer someone in the middle.

You wont enjoy a forever relationship with him.

It's good if one person in a couple is careful with money, especially if the other isn't (not saying this in your case) but his behaviour sounds way too extreme IMO. I have been known to tell DH off for getting plastic carrier bags though! For me it's for environmental reasons, not about the money.

Living with this man will be unhappy and stressful. Having a baby with him would be a living nightmare. He will resent every penny you spend on anything that isn't basic food. He will try to penny pinch the children and nothing makes a mother more angry than someone tryingt o penny pinch her children

DP tells me off for getting carrier bags, but that’s only cos we have loads of bags for life in the house and in his car boot. He always remembers to grab some when we go out; I always forget!

We’re both relatively good with money, but what you describe sounds really tight, and I don’t envision things will be better in the future.

He has no kids ... has he ever been married? Maybe this is why...

glow1984 - no kids and not been married - worked very hard to save for his house and now has paid off a huge portion of the mortgage (through being so tight) - urghhh the more I think about it the more irritated I get :-/

Or you could marry him and then divorce him.
That would really get his goat. Having to share his pension with you!!

JOKING

Worriedrose - ha ha! He has suggested a pre nup if we got married! (hes said in the past that so many of his friends/family have gone through awful divorces with one side trying to "take the other side to the cleaners" and I know this would be a concern of his were we to divorce! - ive told him I don't want his bloody money!!! What he has built up before marriage is HIS - if we get married, have a baby and I had to give up work say to look after twins or something lol, he then left me etc then course id expect half of what "we"/he built up WHILST married because if im popping out kids and my salary is less then rightly so! but not from prior to that! anyway --- off topic lol - I told him I don't want to marry someone who doesn't trust me and I think hes accepted there will be no pre nup! Prob no marriage either at this rate!

You have a child but new man has already decided that he will take control of the finances if you move in together. Fuck off mate.

You can't take risks on red flag men when you have children.

Are you on glue?! You'd be doing your son a GREAT disservice to carry on with this man, and your son was there first. You'd be downright stupid to have a child with him and/or jack in FT work to look after it even if you were married. Sounds like you're more in love with the idea of getting married and having a child, but you've picked a wrong 'un here. You can walk away from this, your son cannot if you move in with this skinflint. Get rid of him. He's not a partner, and he's a crap boyfriend.

Well i guess he can keep his money and have no love in his life.
Fucking pre nup!!! I mean I don't have a problem per say
But if you gave up work...

It's not going to work. I ended it with a guy who used to do things like leave his payslip out so I could see what he earned (not bad, but less than me at the time), and had me do things like transfer half the money for an Asda curry.

I couldn't deal with that - I'm frugal, but not ridiculous about it (for instance, I, too would baulk at doing all my shopping at the local mini-mart vs. a big supermarket!)

I can feel my ovaries shrivelling up at the thought of being with a man like that.

Where’s the fun, romance, excitement? There’s being careful and there’s being mean. You dont want to be one of those couples who sit in the cold because your dh is too mean to put the heating on.