He's obsessed with saving money/deals - has a go at me if i spend 5pm on a carrier bag

[Sounsure777]

My boyfriend (we don't live together) is excellent with money (good thing) but to the point where he admits that "couponing" is his hobby(he is 39 years old - not 89).

I found a supermarket receipt with around 20 items on - each one with a small tick by it and next to some apples he'd written a sum like 165 / 6 = xxx - i.e. working out THE COST PER APPLE!

I spoke to him about it being weird and he said he had a voucher and wanted to check it had been deducted from the bill (it clearly said at bottom of bill ( - £1.00 off apples) but he still felt need/had the TIME(!) to sit and work it out fully - he has a job but no kids and always complains hes so busy etc - I think he has TOO much time on hands to be doing this. Is it very weird and a warning sign?

In the beginning he wasn't great with treating me - he would expect me to pay exactly half which got a bit tiring (since discovered that he didn't want to "be taken for a ride" in early days.) He's got better and now treats me sometimes , as I do to him so its pretty even however overall he is just very money focussed - always talking about deals and coupons in supermarkets etc. He's got a big house which he saved hard for, he earns a good salary but puts all spare into mortgage and pension (talking around £800 a month in to pension). Hes VERY careful with money and he'll have a very wealthy retirement no doubt but it drives me nuts how he is so focussed on the best deals etc to point I don't want to shop with him.

If I turn up with a 5p carrier bag he comments. I worry if we live together /marriage.kids etc when our money is jointly "ours" he will be moaning at me if I shop somewhere where the milk is 10p more etc - anyone else got a partner like this?:????

It would be a miserable life if you lived with him.

I think his references to you being a "lucky girl" are warnings as you should still be in the honeymoon stage.
Don't settle because you feel its your last chance for a family.He hasn't married as his attitude would put off most people.

His meaness will seep into every area of your life and suck out the joy.

There’s a whole string of bunting made of red flags here OP

You need to end this ASAP.

Op. You say he says 'just joking' rather a lot... This is his answer it seems everytime you point out his rather nasty behaviour.

He isn't joking and it's not funny.

He is very odd.... And sounds really rather unpleasant tbh.

@ALLIS0N
That's hilarious
I love it

No OP. The more you share the worse he sounds.

He actually sounds OCD and borderline abusive

OP - for sure, he's had complete freedom to work the hours he wants and needs because muggins here has sucked it all up. I was in a well paid job prior to kids. I'm lucky that i have a decent job now, but not as well paid for sure or as secure. And yes, big dent in my savings and pension plan. It makes me mad.

From you comments, it sounds like you're making do as you've not had much success with finding a decent partner? Sounds like you would also like more DC's?

yes - ocd - or OCPD as I've researched! OCD categorised by extreme perfectionism, neatness and order etc - what ive read is him to a T - he admits hes a perfectionist and strives to be the best etc - his house is pristine - obsesses over cleaning/wiping down shower and keeping his house looking as new as the day he bought it (8 years ago) - which it does still look brand new - wipes down surfaces far too often and just way to neat and tidy!

Part of OCPD is about wanting to strive to be the best and to better others to make them see the best way and for them to be the best etc - hence his phrase "i just want the best for you" when he suggests i save my money etc and not waste it etc - he has got better as i point things out to him but he cant change who he is :-/

Aaargh....no, I'd say consider very carefully your options before going further with this man. You have already noticed it and view is as cringe worthy, "weird" behaviour which is enough of a red flag in itself. Money is one of the biggest issues in any relationship which it's crucial to be on the same/adjacent page as each other about. Does he have Asperger's? Not that this could be the only root of it. But if you feel bothered significantly about it now, you will rue the day you met when such behaviour increases under pressures such as having children and managing a household budget, mortgage maintenance etc.

Is he diagnosed or is that you headshrinking him?

I've just posted on another thread something that applies here.

It doesn't necessarily matter what is the cause of his behaviour. Whether it's OCD or something else.
At some point it just has to come down to the question of whether you are willing to put up with that behaviour or not.

Yes Pawsy maybe I am making do to some extent - yes i want more children - I REALLY want more kids but wont rush into it with wrong man but i do fear that this is my last chance - realistically at 36 - its so sad :-/ I wouldn't settle and have kids with someone who was say violent etc but the guy I'm with is far from perfect but could be sooo much worse - he wants marriage and kids and would be a good dad overall but i do have concerns (obviously!)... its so hard :-/ The thought of no more kids really breaks my heart - my son is nearly 6 and still young but growing up so fast - i want a sibling for him and i do want another child for myself - i love the early years and its sad my sons growing up and I might have missed my chance to have another baby :-/ but of course im lucky to have my son and his happiness etc comes first and I'd not have a child with someone i knew was the wrong person - im just not sure with my oh at the moment- he's a lot better than he was but i still have doubts and concerns :-/

But no one is perfect - we all have quirks and all have our imperfections etc

Yes Trills very true - I don't have much patience (so ive been told) so i worry that I should just rise above some of the stuff and not let it bother me - no one is perfect etc and i wont meet anyone who doesn't irritate me some of the time - but yes your statement is a good way of looking at it...

I agree.... run for the hills.

I dated someone like this for a few years and fortunately saw the light. I have what I consider to be a relatively reasonable income and that comes with it the complete luxury of not having to worry about things like small day to day treats such as magazines/nice bottles of wine/meal out etc.
This bloke was coupon central, also used to keep an eye on petrol prices at different petrol stations and swerve in if he saw a decent one.
He was on a much (almost double!!!) income to me.
I complained one evening about the fact he didn't like going to the pub ("beer is cheaper at home and you can get a seat by the fire") and the fact we never went out for dinner ("but I like cooking at home") so he decided to treat me to dinner at a local tapas restaurant.
We had a lovely meal. Olives, starter, mains and half a bottle of wine each and it came to £57. The bill came and he spent ages scrutinising it before exclaiming in horror "£1.50 for a bowl of olives!!!!!!"
I got up silently, paid the bill, walked myself back to his place (I had a key) went to bed and then drove home in the morning.
I never saw him again. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
If it's annoying you now, it will be unbearable in a years time. He was lovely in every other way.
I'm now happily married to someone who shares my financial outlook.

You sound like you have a lot of patience
And the longer you stay with this man because he's marginally better than some theoretical person who might beat you, the Moore likely you are to lose your dream of having another dc

Bigfoot thank you for your message - your ex sounds a lot like mine! - the olives thing!

With the petrol thing I didn't know if I was just over thinking - so what if he likes to do that but actually it is quite odd isn't it? Stopping to fill an already full tank (squeezing in £5 worth just cos its several pence cheaper)... I guess i worry I'll end it start again and find someone else with none of these issues but other irritations lol but actually his behaviour is too much!

I know someone like this.

House is full of tatty stuff most people would throw out. Nothing is bought for joy. He goes to every supermarket to check prices.

He is wealthy, has 5 houses plus huge house to live in. He is now fretting about how much inheritance tax his kids will have to pay when he dies!!! He is working hard to ensure they will pay as little as possible.

I suppose that this

he sounds like my worst nightmare

Sorry, Jehovahs Witnesses just rang doorbell, got distracted!!!

This is his pleasure. He must be happy doing it. Some of tge things he has done to save and amass money are really quite extraordinary.

I don't find his miserlyness a very attractive thing though. It is just tight!!

Sounds like you're clinging on to this because you want marriage and more kids. But he'll make the child you already have's life a misery. It's not fair on your son at all to bring a person like this into his life. His miserable and mean and he's showing you this at every turn.

Think of his pristine home - how would that work with small children? He's said he basically wants a housewife and he'd control the purse strings. He'd press you to reduce hours/stop working and who is going to keep his high standards of cleanliness/tidiness if you live together?

He views his life as hard work already - how would he cope with dc fulltime?

He grudges your ds a magazine in a "funny" way now - how will he be towards your son when he's the main breadwinner? This one is big - this is the man you're proposing will live with your son who has no choice).

He has nothing, no interests outside this penny-pinching. I find that worrying.

I m sorry to burst your bubble but he will be a lousy dad and nightmare step dad.

You will have to justify every penny you spend on a child. They will get a £1.50 gift at Christmas just like your son.

He will try to control everything the child does, just the same as he tries to with you.

He won’t financially support his own child and their care ( he gets all his wages and you and the child get an allowance ).

You will have to pay 50% of everything for your joint child and the home , even if you earn less.

You will have to pay 100% of everything for your older son. He’s the type who will make you pay more of the gas bill because your son has his own room.

Your child will have to be grateful for everything. Shoes on their feet and food on the table.

All childcare and housework will seem as your job with him “ doing you a favour by helping you out “.

He will never marry you as you won’t sign a pre nup. He will want you alone take all the financial and career risk of having another child.

He will want you to pay rent to live in his house.

Please PLEASE do not let your desire for another baby lead you into thinking that he is good husband and father material .

Oh the olives thing - mine does that! Only not with olives because he's soooo fussy with his food he would never eat olives!

But the 'HOW MUCH!? They are having a fucking laugh, fucking thieving bastards' is almost daily.

I don't waste money but he is obsessive.The likelihood is he will end up a single lonely old man and that all the money he has saved will go to Inland Revenue in Inheritance tax-point that out to him

Yes Allison I agree with a lot of what you have said - also the rent thing - I would expect to pay my way etc but a while back he said that if I moved in to his one of the benefits would be the cost of living is cheaper for us both (very true) - council tax and broadband etc but he said x y z " and half the cost of the water softner" - REALLY? He put some water softner in because its a hard water area? I don't think its essential - more of a luxury - but to even mention that I'd pay half of that is a bit stingey!!

He has got better over all (last xmas we went out for a meal which was one of the dinner in London experience things which his brother got him/us and we added a few bits of side order veg etc and came to £20 and he made me pay half - it was HIS BROTHERS present! not to mention giving me a memory stick he already had for photos of our hol and charging me the £.1.50 for it! but he has got better and wouldn't do some of the things he used to do - he said in the beginning he was concerned he might be "taken for a ride" as he didn't know me etc etc - he wouldn't want to be taken for granted!! he has got better but i cant help but think in my head how bad he used to be