Ongoing support thread after DH died (Juan et al)

[Chasingsquirrels]

Just noticed we are getting towards the 1000 count ...

Evening all.
Am knackered! So busy, finished late. Knee been screaming at me for hours whole leg is pounding. Sitting with hwb at my back as its complaining too. Ordering chinese not standing a moment longer .😀
The thought of doing it all again for 8 hours tomorrow isnt appealing at all.
Sounds like a lovely time all round never mind just for Charlie Squirrels hope he sleeps all night.
Horse teens give you grey hairs! Mine us just as bad with washing.
Book busy as usual. You never stop!
Rain and sleet and bitter cold and windy here off and on all day.

Sounds like a day for everyone, Charlie too? Willow, hope pain starts to ease soon.

I did spinning, home and washer on, sun shining, walked for the Vit D (and coffee), home, key in lock - only went so far round - totally stuck . Luckily had garage key so could get in, DS arrived - he couldn't work it either , but glad not just me for change .

Googled locksmiths and a nice man arrived, sorted it (needed new lock/handles/+ something technical). Wasn't tooooooo expensive, now have new keys, so bit of pain as others distinctive, these just bog-standard Yale's. So just ordered some funky covers to cheer them (and me) up!

In the midst of all that, finished the glory-hole, car ready for tip trip. Local fairly lowly football team playing a Premier side so traffic would have been urgh this p.m.

Decorations all down, cleaned window (ish), cards in pile to sort and keep any with comments re DH.

Feel ready for bed!

Sounds like everyone has been very busy/productive. Hope that means a well deserved sleep/rest for all.

How exciting that Charlie is out and about.

Catch up with you all in the morning x

Afternoon all
Had a lovely morning at the allotment - clear blue skies. no wind and sharp!
Selena - we had to do the same with our locks last year , what a pain it is. You have got a lot done - it gives a nice glow when you finish a task, doesn't it.
Just about to get up from lunch - need to prep up for tea tonight - (have everyone coming ) and tidy the kitchen. That means I can then go on and do some more blanket construction - just a few more hours left to do , and it can be sent back with the other one this next week. Trying to clear the decks before I go away.
Have a nice Sunday everyone

Busy morning getting DS prepped for his return. Dropped him at the station and went food shopping - DH chucking all sorts of nice treats in the trolley and me taking them out because we have loads of nice stuff still left from Xmas...

Feels a bit flat without DS work tomorrow

This weekend has flown by!

Hope you don't have too many aches & pains after working today Willow.

Glad you managed to sort the locks Selena, what a nuisance.

Did Charlie enjoy his walk chasing? Will you be going to puppy training classes with him?

Gorgeous day here too book - will be a bit warmer where you are going!

Hello all, busy day here. Hardly sat down, but nothing to show for it really.

Cold with an even colder wind!

Hope you had a lovely family meal book - what did you cook?

Hugs horse I hope that the Monday is not too harsh.

Squirrel I hope that your WAY dinner was good/helpful. How was the night? Hope your baby slept through

Willow did you survive the shift? Have you any left over Chinese to send my way??? DS has asked if we can have Chinese for their NY - yes, any excuse will do

No more drama for you hopefully Selena new keys all pretty now?

Right, off to see what's happening on the rest of MN x

Evening all. I survived thanks. Knee sore but not as horrendous as yesterday thankfully. Even had some quiet periods and finished a bit early and boss in very good mood!

Frosy this am and never really cleared in places puddles frozen all day and something i havent experienced in a long time...inside of windscreen frozen this pm! -3.5 when i left work.
Made banana bread this morning before work only half left!!! Greedy blighters😀

Everyone busy as usual. Not looking forward to tomorrow am back to school.

Horse must feel strange with ds gone. Hope work is ok tomorrow.
Selena what a pain about the lock. Always something isnt there? I need to do my windows too (pet hate of mine) not impressed with the new double glazing still getting condensation and found mould again.

Cake you can have my Chinese i ordered wrong thing for my main and not impressed😀

Hope weather stays nice for you all send some this way😀

Willow, mould doesn't sound right? Glad you've had a better day.
Horse, hope work keeps your mind off the emptiness.
cake, squirrel and book, hope your day continued being good.

I got to very crowded tip, so therapeutic to whizz stuff in. Keys now have a cat face on them so hopefully I'll recognise.

Beautiful day here too, cold but lovely on the prom - and the afternoons are getting longer. Back to hospital shift tomorrow, I'll be walking back to car in daylight. Lifts the spirit .

Evening all
ah Horse - when the go away it leaves a little hole in your life (and at least your DH tried to help ). hope work is okay for you tomorrow .
Willow - that was cold .. I had to scrape my windscreen this morning, but at least only on the outside! - Where is the mould/condensation ? doesn't sound good , but at least you had a half decent day at work , small mercies ...
Selena - cat faces sound good :) Hope the shift goes okay tomorrow
Cake - it was roast chicken ( with my veg - sprouts, beetroot and roasted winter squash ) and new potatoes. I was chatting to DD tonight and two of her friends swear by sleep balm ( sleepy lotion?) by Lush for their children , and are sure it helps.- maybe worth a try perhaps.
Sleep well all
Thoughts and Prayers

Well that wad an 'interesting' stressful start to the week!
Slept in cos i was awake in wee small hours but plenty time for lift but text from lift that they were all ill! Ok money for school lunch and money for bus...either it came early or didnt come. Kids barrelled in house later so clothes over pjs and car heater on full whack, 2 kids scraping windscreen etc. Whole car frosted over! Arghhh.
Need to check and see if they changed bus time.
Having a coffee before i attack to house and million jobs to do. Need to sort out what hols to take from work this year too to get them booked. No holiday pay! Its all very strange tbh.

Looks like a winter wonderland out there everything white with frost but chuffung cold!

Hope your mornings are less frantic.😀😀

Just been catching up with the posts since NY.

Thanks for thinking of me Cake. I've been fairly good.

Your morning sounds frantic Willow. DS2 was meant to be back at school today but he has a horrible lingering cold and wasn't very well over the weekend so I've kept him at home.

I still have the tree and most of the decorations up as I just didn't have the energy to deal with them yesterday so I need to get them gone today.

Lovely bright day but very cold.

Hope everyone is well.

Afternoon all
quite a nice day here, it has been sunny, but due to grey up. At least it wasn't as cold as your start Willow - and ughh, what a start , poor you. It sets you up all wrong for the day.
Jane - its a rather melancholy thing putting the decorations away. Its nice to have it tidy again, but also sad at the same time . Take care of yourself
Just had lunch after a rather slow housework morning. Need to set off soon to pick up DGS from school as I have a couple of errands to do first.
Have a good day all

Hello

Just 5 minutes of peace before it all kicks off again.

Lovely to hear from you Jane good luck with packing it all away. Such a tedious job.

Willow what a start to the day! Hope that they sort themselves better tomorrow. Dull and cold here but not quite freezing. What did you order? I'm fussy

Hope all well with SIL after the operation. Hope the boys had a good day at school. I fear DS will come out grumpy and tired.

Selena I hope the shift goes alright and that you see sunlight when you come out - no chance of it here today, but half hour of hot choc and brownie with a friend this morning helped the day along even if I ended up taking 4 under 5 to the toilet

Afternooon all.
So much for all my plans! Did the upstairs and sorted out washing etc, tidied boys room etc.

Got stuck on pc looking for holidays. Considering Wales this year? Any recomendations ladies? Looking at cottages and one near Colwyn. Seen a few interesting things to do plus of course the beaches and the nat parks. Closer than I imagined too which is a bonus as hate long drives but could manage 5 ish.

Jane nice to see you. Hope DS2 is better asap, there seems to be lots of lergy going around. Taking decs down is a right old pain.

Cake think it was chicken chop sui.

Right better get ready to go get the kids, here endeth the peace and quiet!

I have to ask you lovely ladies a question but it would entail a bit of backstory which is probably boring to anyone but me.
The long and short of it is I would really value your innput as to be perfectly honest I have no one else to ask. (well except my aunt whos opinion of my ex is quite biased )

I also appreciate that the whole point of this thread starting was because of horrendous circumstances much worse than mine and dont want to detract from the point that some of you lovely ladies have lost the love of your lives in partiucularly bad ways, nothing compared to mine.

It concerns me having a conversation with my ds1 about his attitude and what exactly I have done for him over the last 8 years and if he actually realises how hard it has been at times. I dont want to guilt trip him, the split with his dad is between me and him not the kids but it has impacted on my life enormously. I just want him to know that I have always put the kids first and I am deeply hurt by the way he speaks to me lately.
He has apologised today but I have to face facts that he is manipulative and selfish and I have warned him that today is his absolute last chance to redeem himself or I will get his dad involved.

I really feel that I have failed him in some way but I dont know how I could have done anything more for him. I know teens are stroppy selfish little gits on the whole (with execptions) and I am maybe over reacting to this but reading on teen threads the advice is always the same, do not put up with it!

If anyone would be able to advise me having gone through the teen years I would be happy to pm them and spare the rest of you my 'story'.

Not sure exactly what I think will help, but having your teen who has done bugger all except lie on his bed playing games all holidays saying that their life is terrible and that they would rather be somewhere else and they could lie to ss to leave is kind of gut wrenching. I know people say things to hurt when they are angry and he has apologised, and I know he wouldnt really do that but that kind of put it in perspective that I need to have a conversation with him to stop this constant arguing before we both say something we will regret.

So basically would it be ok to broach this subject and ask for your input after you read my reasons?
If its not then thats absolutely ok, i completely understand.

Willow I've only known you since last year, but it strikes me that you go above and beyond for your two boys.
I don't know that I have anything useful / helpful to add but want to say you shouldn't feel that you can't ask such things on here.
And sending you some hugs cos it sounds like you need them xx

Go ahead, Willow.

I'll be happy to help if I can, if only a cyber handhold. Teenage years are tough.

It's been another beautiful day, and yes I came off shift to sun, cake, which feels like a plus, it's now clouded over and warmed up to the dizzy heights of 5 degrees. My DB and SIL have gone to Spain today or what?

I can offer no advice at all but lots of sympathy.

I think that I try and explain to DD that things aren't how I would have liked it to be and I know it's hard for her, but that it is what it is.

If anyone can give advice on over emotional 11 year olds crying about WW3, I'd be grateful!

We stayed in railway cottage in Fairbourne one year - was lovely enough. Barmouth and surrounds beautiful/white beach etc and close-ish to Snowdonia national park area.

Willow, I don't think anyone can appreciate the difficulties single parents encounter unless they experience it for themselves.

I know how hard I found it when my sons were younger teens - and that was with DH on board to help.

I've said it before but my youngest was vile when he was about 15, he really was awful. Fantastically well behaved at school and in company but truly horrible at home. I was in despair.

I did pull him up on stuff but also let little things go or you are just on their case all the time.

Wasn't easy, I bit my tongue occasionally but he is out the other side and is lovely again.

If your boy is a sweet lad generally then he will be ok eventually but you have to get through these rough adolescent years first.

XX

PS, North Wales is very beautiful, Conwy is a particular favourite of mine

Evening all
oh Willow - that sound so hard - a big virtual hug from me - and I will in a mo pm you .
Just had a lovely afternoon/evening. DGS has decided he really fancies trying Irish Dancing! ( he does love dancing around) so - he is going to an after school club from next week. :)

Morning ladies. Sory i never got back last night fell asleep after tea was all done! Then crawled off to bed was shattered.😀
Thank you for all your kind words and hugs will reply properly later. Getting organised for school run and dentistbthis morning.

Morning all!
A grey, dank morning .
Willow - don't apologise, you have a lot on your plate .
I've just got back from a hour at the allotment , so am ready for a sit down and a cup of coffee. Need to pop out later for a few bits, but after that its just tedious housework .
Thinking of you all
Have a good day

Hi all. Busy morning took hoover in and ended up with a different one as they dont stock it any more. Took xbox in for repair and quick coffee and dentist. Usual washing and need to go get milk and bread as forgot!
Ds1 very apologetic last pm and did all the dishes! Put off xbox when told!
Think i need to talk to him when we are both calm about his attitude as its impossible to get any sense out of him when we are arguing.

I need some advice on how to do this without seeming to criticize him only and to explain how he needs to step up at his age and do stuff without being told 20 times and that doing chores isnt child abuse 😀

I think he still has a lot of anger at his dad leaving and of course i get the brunt of it. He had counselling but tbh she was hopeless. She took every thing he said at face value and he basically told her what she wanted to hear and promised the earth about changing his behaviour which never happened. She drove me mad when she spoke to me with her quietest baby voice and i wanted to shout at her "i am not 2ys old talk to me like an adult"! And dismissed a lot of the stuff i told her about him

Anyway any suggestions most welcome. He isnt a bad lad like Horses son he is good at school just needs to put a bit more effort in. All his teachers say he us a pleasure to have in class and contributes well when he does speak up. Its just at home ge can be a nightmare😀 he has little confidence in some things and if he has had a meltdown he will come to me very upset saying he hates himself and tells me to send him away as he is so bad which breaks my heart.

Its been a struggle at times keeping the wolf from the door but i have done my best just like every other mum and screwed up at times too. Nobody is perfect.

So how do i broach the subject and keep it calm and include positives? Consequences dont seem to work as he just argues his case ad infinitum and its very draining even though i stick to them he just does the same thing as soon as he gets his privileges back!

I know i could be a pia when a teen but i had jobs to do and had to do them no excuses. But i also didnt have computers or social media to cope with either. My friends all lived nearby and we met up and talked. His are all too far away so he talks to them online while playing games. Its catch 22. They arrange a game which is fine in principle its just getting him off again thats the problem.🤔

Book you wouldn't have seen much at the allitment here it was still datk until about 9.30!

Loving the Irish dancing idea hope he enjoys it.
Thanks for pm will reply asap.

Have a good day ladies.

Ong my post has vanished! Stupid phone. Will try on pc after i get shopping. Arghhhhh
Horse tried to reply to your pm too but the 'reply'/'send' button vanished! Will try later.