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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband has has private lap dances...

342 replies

msevs · 08/12/2017 10:36

...and lied. I found out last Sunday after a weekend away with his mates, when a text came through on his phone. I glanced at it and it was from one of the guys with the words ‘strip club’ in it. I confronted him about it and he said some of the other guys went, but he didn’t. I didn’t believe him, he then said he had gone in but that was it. I told him to stop lying, and he then said “well you have to have a dance there, don’t you”. So basically it turns out he paid for a private dance, and not just this once, but on three different occasions. First time was Christmas trip last year, two months after the birth of our second child.

To make matters worse, we were only married a month ago. Three weeks later and he’s paying a woman to strip naked for him! I feel so betrayed. I heard all the excuses, he was drunk, it was peer pressure, he didn’t enjoy it. I don’t believe him, since he’s been three times. He told me he’d never have a ‘proper’ affair, as if I’m supposed to be grateful. He didn’t see this as a problem because it was a transaction. He did apologise and said he wouldn’t do it again, but this is only because I found out, otherwise I know he would just have continued doing it.

I feel so betrayed. I also feel like such a mug, I bet him and his mates have had a good laugh at the fact that I’ve been kept in the dark. He just isn’t the man I thought I married.

I don’t know why I’m posting. I just don’t know where to go from here. I was really looking forward to this Christmas as it was going to be our first Christmas as a married couple, but now I don’t even want to look at him Sad

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 08/12/2017 20:34

Give it rest rover you are coming across as right knob.

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 20:37

You've just proved my pioint , it's a sad to realise the type of world we are in

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 20:39

Think this thread should be closed its run its course

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 20:44

You’re the epitimome of the type of man that goes to strip clubs Rover.. just that last mansplaining comment, the arrogant attitude of a man deciding a thread has run its course and needs to be closed.. an absolute classic and a firm indication of everything people are saying.. sadly I don’t think you’ve got the emotional intelligence to understand. So! Whilst we may heartily continue with this by all means end it for yourself now and toodle off.

Offred · 08/12/2017 20:46

No-one called you sexist...

Hmm

You are very strange.

Offred · 08/12/2017 20:47

(And morbius is a bloke btw but don’t let that ruin your fun)

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 20:58

You don't know anything about me , the last thing any of my friends,workmates would say is I'm sexist.
If Dr morbius is a bloke he needs to apologise for calling me a knob
Makes me think there a lot of bitter people on here .@blodpod, thought you were ok guess I misjudged you .Not interested in what you offred or anyfucker think of me ,seems you have issues.
To the op I would ask for this to be closed and make you own decision ,too many know-it-alls on here

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 21:03

@roverman75. I am ok, but you’re coming across as someone with an exceptionally large chip on your shoulder. Look, I wish you well but your constant offence at everything everyone is saying is rather odd.

thegrinchreaper · 08/12/2017 21:04

Unbelievable.
Why should OP have to have this thread pulled just because you've shown how ignorant you are? You don't get it, you are too defensive to get it, but that doesn't mean a woman's support should be taken away.

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 21:04

It’s an Internet forum, we’re all strangers..

Babyblues052 · 08/12/2017 21:07

@deckoff Snappy... I literally told you to fuck off Grin I think that's worse haha. We can forgive and forget Flowers

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 21:10

Where did I say I don't get it, stop making assumptions ,if my partner did similar I would wonder what to do next as well,.and maybe look for advice
Think most of you have taken my comments the wrong way and have decided to have a go at me .my original comment was I didn't like a posters attitude and so I get it in the neck ,

Be3Al2SiO36 · 08/12/2017 21:11

Think this thread should be closed its run its course

Actually, I think OP still needs some support to get through Christmas.

Offred · 08/12/2017 21:11

It is abundantly clear you don’t understand from what you have posted.

Joysmum · 08/12/2017 21:14

Rover please select to hide this thread. This isn’t about you love and needs to get back to being for original poster so off you tottle. Wink

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 21:15

I guess being a bloke I'm not able to understand.that's what you've just said,sexist much? Just go away offred you just seem to look down on me

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 21:17

Thanks for sarcasm joysmum so mature

Offred · 08/12/2017 21:22

Where did I say you being a bloke is the problem?

It is the fact you very clearly came into this thread with the intention of saying ‘women are horrible’ and have repeatedly refused to engage with any of the points on an intellectual level, preferring instead to keep twisting things round to a ridiculous degree to make yourself seem like some kind of victim (of things that have never happened) and to keep saying different versions of ‘I hate women’...

DrMorbius · 08/12/2017 21:24

If Dr morbius is a bloke he needs to apologise for calling me a knob or what big boy????

I don't wish to be pedantic, but I didn't call you a knob, I said you are coming across as right knob

Offred · 08/12/2017 21:25

Oh and lectured other posters about how their contributions aren’t helpful, accused people of doing things you were doing and then decided the OP’s thread should be shut because you don’t like what is being said...

It’s really strange...

Offred · 08/12/2017 21:26

Why does morbius need to apologise just because he is a bloke?!?!

This just gets weirder and weirder...

Confused
Blodplod · 08/12/2017 21:32

I think @Roverman75 has lost his grip on reality and thinks he’s in the pub getting personally affronted by friends.. in reality he’s in a room full of strangers, missed the point entirely and got affronted when anyone dares to disagree or have a different opinion.. weird, oh so weird. Anyway! Enough from me - back to the important OP..

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JaneEyre70 · 08/12/2017 21:35

I think you need to have a real honest talk about it OP with him, and make it very clear that while you can't change the fact he's been, if he does it again in future then it's game over. I don't think it's enough to LTB over, but he's shown you a massive disrespect and that would take me a while to get over. He has a load of making up to do to you. And I wouldn't keep his dirty secret for him either, let his family know what he's been up to and how upset you are. I hope you have a good Christmas Flowers.

roverman75 · 08/12/2017 21:35

What a bunch of bitter people