The man who disappeared part 2

[Carrotgirl999]

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

You sound like a very intelligent, composed and dignified lady... with a ton if self respect.... those are truly admirable qualities.

Didn't get the chance to comment on previous thread. Possibly the length of time my jaw stayed dropped at the 'staying at his mums while he chooses' comment.
Take the time to grieve. You know that this is a lucky escape but it sounds like you loved him. Sometimes we need to give the heart time to catch up with the head.
Your son sounds amazing. He's obviously feeling hurt too but his first reaction was entirely focused on you. You are definitely doing something right there but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I'll keep my views on your ex to myself. Suffice to say I wish him and his new partner all the happiness they deserve.
OP - you were pearls cast before swine. You have behaved with such dignity and grace. I wish you the best of christmases with your equally fabulous son. Hope he's enjoying the trainers

Thank you all so so much. I feel horrible. Obviously I will. Il probably feel worse tomorrow when his stuff has gone.

BUT. This is the worst part right? The first week? After that I can only go upwards? I hope.

BTW he messaged my son, saying 'I'm so sorry for everything' I told him, you can reply if you like, you don't have to tell me, or you don't have to, it's ok. He got upset, said he won't reply because it will make him feel more sad. So he hasn't. And that's ok with us.

Are you sure it's a good idea you let him come and collect his stuff while you aren't there? Can you not drop it at his mums and get him to leave the keys and money there?

I don't think it's acceptable he has access to your home after this.

Stay strong OP, you have handled this with grace!

I'm sure you and your son have a brilliant future. What a plonker.

Agree with @meyourelookingfor i would put his stuff in bags outside your door , make sure you put his shower gels in there with the lids not on properly 👌🏽.

Side note. Sorry if anyone has PMd. I think my emails are pinging but I'm on the app so can't see any inbox messages until I get to a laptop.

Secondly, I have absolutely no issues with him coming in. I know he won't take anything other than what's his. It's all piled up ready to go.

I want him to see the home we have built, the tree we picked and decorated, the cushions he bought, the photos of us. And I hope it burns him to walk out quite frankly.

Apparently she moved out of there home and now lives in a 1 bed flat with her daughter, so he's not going 'home' and I hope he misses this one. Because although I'm acting dignified, I still want him to hurt. Even just a little bit.

So admire your composure op. You'll get through this horrible part and be all the better for it.
How about planning a nice getaway for you and your lovely son? Because you bloody deserve it!!

Wow, i read some of your first post, sorry he did this. Sounds like my wanker of an ex...he walked out & told me via text 😬

You sound like a really strong person & your son sounds pretty cool too. Good luck moving forward, sounds like he is going to realise the grass isn't greener!!

But isn't she still with her boyfriend? That was the reason she wanted to talk and not message?

Pfft. She is going to ping pong between them. He is SO going to regret this. She's a cheating, flaky cow.

Sorry you are having to go through this.

I would put away the photos of you together before he comes tomorrow. Just so he knows that's it, bridges well and truly burned.

OP, I am proud of you. I don’t even know you and I am proud of you for how you’re handling this. He.Will. Realise. (but you will have moved on). Stay strong. We’re all rooting for you xxxx

She didn't live with said boyfriend. I don't even know if he knows! For all I know they are shacking up behind his back. Either way. That's their problem not mine now.

Might think about taking the pics down. I want his last memory here to be of his 'home'. As it was. So he can remember it how he left it and miss it, while I get on with redecorating the minute his back is turned.

Sounds like they're made for each other!!

This new job idea has really cheered me up actually. Just something, anything, to focus on. And if I'm making some money all the better.

I want his last memory here to be of his 'home'. As it was. So he can remember it how he left it and miss it, while I get on with redecorating the minute his back is turned

I totally agree with you. If he does mull it over, that will be the last picture in his mind, of your home. Taking pictures down so soon, makes it look as though you don't care and your relationship was "throw away" for you, and that's not the truth.

I actually would insist on a talk before he goes. You don't want him to think you don't care. Then in his mind, he's made the right choice : "Oh, I left, and she didn't care anyway, so it was obviously the right choice".

People on MN always advise others to simply pack a bag and throw it on the step. I'm really not sure that's a great idea. There is nothing wrong with him knowing that you love him and that you're devastated. Sure, you won't look cool, but who cares at this point?

I think with my previous relationship, when my BF did exactly what yours is doing now, the fact that I was devastated actually brought him to his senses. We were together for 20 years after that.

I think the weekend job sounds like a great idea. Extra money, a new circle of people to socialise with and a busy bar atmosphere so the time will go quickly!

Onwards and upwards OP

Well done OP. You’re conducting yourself in the most dignified manor.

When something similar happened to me years and years ago, I said similar things but I also scratched the word ‘cunt’ into his favourite dvds. Not that he ever saw it as he was far too much of a coward to come back and get his stuff but it was cathartic for me.

Things can only get better now. You’re free to find someone who is going to give you the love and respect you deserve. He is going to be miserable and whenever he gets miserable his family will be there to remind him of his monumental fuck up. You’ve lost nothing at here. You will see that sooner then you think will

He suggested a 'talk'. He wanted to explain. Then I said fine, tomorrow morning. Then he backtracked and said no, he couldn't see me hurt, he can't face me, he's weak, and although selfish this is how he has to do it. These are actual words. I can't even bring myself to answer that pure utter bullshit.So I just said. Fine, I don't really want to see you anyway. End of. I'm not grovelling to this prick no way.

The new job does sound great.

I think your Ex has deeper issues going on, in relation to his personality and coping mechanisms.

What an arsehole!

Nothing to add OP but for you.

He's a very weak man. It's best you've seen this now, because he would have only let you down in the future...when you're son got closer to him as well.

He's a gluten for punishment returning to a cheater.... but that's his problem.

I could grovel and beg. But he KNOWS, I love him. He knows because Iv treated him very very well. Loyal and honest, he has told me many times that he's never felt more content.

And I know he won't again. I'm satisfied with how Iv acted, reacted and treated him and I KNOW he will regret this. Either in fleeting moments or long enough that he 'goes quiet' with her too.

And he will deserve everything that happens from now on. I truly believe that.

This is one of those times where 'it's not you it's me' is the actual god damn 100% truth. And that gives me comfort x