The man who disappeared part 2

[Carrotgirl999]

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

Carrot, you are a class act! I'm sorry this happened to you, he really is a shit, but you have handled him so well, good for you! If it were me I don't think I could resist emptying the smelly contents of the bin into his bag of clothes as I was packing...
Onwards and upwards. Have a lovely Christmas with your son. X

He suggested a 'talk'. He wanted to explain. Then I said fine, tomorrow morning

To be honest with you, OP, there is nothing else to talk about. He’s made his feelings crystal clear and treated you like shit in the process. The best thing you can do is cut him off completely and get on with your life.

His “talk” would literally just be to try and make himself feel better and less guilty. It wouldn’t be about you. You don’t owe him that.

Jive. That is my plan. He said he'd come for his stuff, give me the keys and explain.

To be honest I really don't need to hear how he loves her, has to try, can't think straight or whatever he thinks is an explanation, but it was what it was.

I'm much more comfortable not being here. Letting him get his things. And disappear now. Now I'm ready for the ghosting. And I'm almost welcoming the closed book. No chat necessary.

It would only have been to ease his own conscience anyway, not for my benefit, so he can fucking fuck off.

Weak and selfish by his own admission. What a prize he is. Trust your instincts, Carrot, they’ve been spot on so far.

I'm actually amazed at my instincts I honestly am. I should have more faith in myself.

I know some people thought I was over reacting. I wished I was wrong. I questioned myself too. But in my heart I just knew it. And I was so right.

I have just caught up on the last thread and now this one and just wanted to say you are amazing. Such dignity and pride and bloody strength!

You know you can do better than him. He is a fool but he clearly hasn't realised just what he is losing.

I have been through a couple of tough break ups and literally erased everything from my life that reminded me of them. I decorated, changed furniture round, swapped pictures from rooms to other rooms, just made everything mine rather than ours. It helps.

And I'd give the toilet a quick scrub with his toothbrush before he collects it.

Going cold on him and not engaging is the best way. Do not cave in, do not cry, do not grovel - just hand over the stuff and move on. It hurts but you will find someone perfect for you, probably when you aren't looking.

I wish you and your son a very very happy Christmas together.

Pirate, I am doing that toothbrush thing. I never even considered it. But I am, and that will be my only revenge, and he will never know. But it will make me smile when I think of it.

Perfect.

I KNOW he will regret this. Either in fleeting moments or long enough that he 'goes quiet' with her too.

Absolutely.

You will move on, be happy, and hold your head high. and the best revenge is a life well lived.

@Carrotgirl999 if it's any comfort, you've made me realise what I must face and n my own sad going through-it's-death-throes relationship.

Well done on everything. Can't believe how spineless he has been. Keep your head up, you should treat it as a lucky escape and keep thinking like that. Don't lower yourself to the toothbrush idea please. I wouldn't do it imo.

You're right, any explanation would have been to assuage his own guilt, nothing to do with trying to help you feel better. I'm so glad you won't be there when he picks up his stuff.

What a bastard.

So happy for you with working in your friend's bar...you will love it!
And as you say you will make money while being out!

I helped my friend run her pub restaurant at weekends a good few years ago now...it paid for my airline tickets to the USA to visit my sister twice a year!
We had some brilliant times!
I hope you start before Christmas because that will be great for you!!

Yes yes to the toothbrush thing- he does talk a lot of shit afterall.

Take the time to grieve.

This is very good advice from Dazzling

You have suffered a bereavement just as much as if someone you loved had died. You have physically lost your partner; your have emotionally lost the man you thought you had; you have lost the relationship you hoped to have.

This is a huge amount to cope with - but you have a wonderful son, a loving family, good friends - and us lot! Believe it or not - you will look back one day with relief that this happened.

Think you’re a legend for how you’ve handled this, deffo the better woman and he will learn to regret it by which time it’ll be too late and you’ll have found someone worthy of you and your love x

"Because although I'm acting dignified, I still want him to hurt."

He will, Carrot. Actually, he will hurt a lot sooner than you think.

The first little niggles will start pin-pricking him when he is collecting his stuff, and you're not there, and he can't tell you. Because he has become used to being able to tell you.

There will be more niggles when he arrives at her place. With his stuff! They are used to a home they 'built' together, but her place is not it. Already his stuff will be in the way. He'll feel unsettled. Not right, And no matter the lovey-dovey occasion they anticipated this evening to be, the niggles will grow, the doubts will tentatively start to take root, and the hurt will start.

Already.

Hang on to that thought, Carrot. It's true.

OP, you sound fabulous.

Your ex sounds like a douchenugget.

His twin sounds nice. Is he identical? Single, perhaps...?

@carrotgirl999 I have read both threads, i commented quite early on within the first thread and how you handled this whole situation is nothing but commendable . You should literally write a book on how to handle a breakup with decorum and grace! Hats off to you.

I can't help but think you will hear from him in 2/3 months time and I hope you'll be dating some amazing man that makes Brad Pitt look ugly 🤗

Can't believe he has gone to live in some 1 bedroom flat with her and her daughter. Is the daughter from another man I assume? Or from the boyfriend she recently jilted?

Sending many hugs and do have they wine 🍷

You and your son sound amazing. Have a wonderful Christmas and a lovely fresh start in the new year

*that wine 🍷

Your son sounds lovely, OP.

Be good to yourself. Your new job idea does sound like a great idea. I hope your friend agrees. :)

I have to admit that, despite your reassurances, I'm not sure he should be in your home with you not there. I can totally understand that you don't want to see him, but is there a friend or relative who could be present, and ensure that he didn't go anywhere, or take anything he ought not.

If his presents are under the tree, take them away and hide them - he make feel justified in helping himself. Also anything that is there for your son, in case he tries to take it back.

As others have said - he may bring Her with him. she might take the opportunity to snoop round your home (I'm not saying she would take anything - but personally I wouldn't want to risk her in my home, looking at my things and sneering (because I bet she's a sneerer!).

Well done OP x