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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The man who disappeared part 2

385 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:15

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 07/12/2017 17:38

One step at a time, that's all you need to do. Slow and steady.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 17:38

Fuck @Carrotgirl999 your son's reaction has just made me cry!

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:40

My son is a credit to me, really and truly. It's the only thing I'm proud of myself for, he's so well adjusted and Iv really protected him, through everything.

I think I need a large glass of wine.

OP posts:
JonSnowsHair · 07/12/2017 17:41

What an absolute cunt. He really is a cowardly, immature little shit. Out of interest, how old is he OP?

I hope his brother and his partner are suitably disgusted by his behaviour, from what you said about them they both sound like decent sorts x

Louiseandhercubs · 07/12/2017 17:41

I only managed to catch the odd part of the original post....there was too many comments there when I saw it haha!

But from what I can gather you have dodged a bullet. If someone doesn't value you for you. They don't deserve you at all

BackInTheRoom · 07/12/2017 17:41

It's only a matter of time before the old niggling problems resurface with his ex. They simply cannot resolve them and are repelled by each other enough to keep splitting all the time. He hasn't got enough emotional resilience to see and remember it and seems to be won over each time by the drama and romance every time they get together. OP, you don't want someone like this, you want someone who is rational and steady and strong.

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/12/2017 17:41

I was on your previous thread, asking awkward questions...and feeling so, so sorry for you. But you don't need my pity, you are handling things awesomely well (you probably don't feel as if you are, but cutting that bastard off short and not giving him chance to whingeingly explain why it's 'soooooooo haaaaaaaard' for him makes me want to dance around waving pom poms).

He's a weak, conflict-avoidant, pathetic excuse for a human. How DARE he behave like this? I'm sure he's justified it to himself in his head. Hope his cock drops off (actually, given his behaviour, I'm sure impotence won't be too far away...)

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:43

He's 32. Old enough to know better. His family are disgusted, told him he deserves all he gets and that I deserved better than that. His brother text saying I'm a million times the woman she is, and that he's told her that too.

It might be just words but it's comforting non the less.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 17:44

You and your son sound lovely!

I have this mental picture of you two with your son opening his trainers and going 'cooool' and the two of you just being a really nice loving mum and son in a lovely, homely cocoon.

You'll be fine. You'll look back and be so relieved.

JonSnowsHair · 07/12/2017 17:45

That’s lovely that his family have said all those nice things about you. I know it doesn’t help you much now, but it WILL all go tits up and he WILL regret it. And think how great it’ll feel to tell him to do one.

iggleypiggly · 07/12/2017 17:45

Like I said on previous thread your son must be so proud of you. Good for you showing him you won’t be treated in this way. Good for you for showing him life goes on. He will grow to become a better man for this. You deserve better, it’s hard and will hurt but it won’t last with this OW. He will come crawling back. Look at the grief they’ve left behind. They have to live with that. It won’t be easy. I hope she enjoys his tattoo Grin xx

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 17:45

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 17:46

And good on his family and his brother.

Well, she's not exactly going to be welcomed with open arms is she? Happy Christmas coming up for the cheating idiots.

32? Oh dear.

littleskittle · 07/12/2017 17:46

Hope you are ok! Sounds like you are handling brilliantly. Sending strength and hugs Thanks
When this happened to me I was devastated but it did get easier and now I am with someone who is worth it. This is definitely for best in long run. Not worth wasting another second on him.
Block him / delete from all social media. Better for your sanity when you can't see what he's up to

MrsMozart · 07/12/2017 17:48

Good that his family are onside, even if only to make his life more prickly.

Hang on in there lass. Your son sounds like a star.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 17:48

My son is a credit to me, really and truly. It's the only thing I'm proud of myself for, he's so well adjusted and Iv really protected him, through everything.

You've done an amazing job by the sound of it, and pretty much on your own too, with a huge heap of challenges. You should be damn proud.

Have that wine, and add a slice of Cake to go with it.

NeilPetark · 07/12/2017 17:51

Your DS sounds great.

MyBoysMyBoys · 07/12/2017 17:52

Here she is.

By the way I genuinely do empathise: been there 3 times actually with the same guy. Once he was gone for a year and told me his dad had died when he resurfaced. He hadn’t Hmm
Why the fuck I kept taking him back is beyond me (OK, he made me laugh like a drain and had a huge dick)
I finally threw him out when a woman phoned me whom he’d been having an online EA with. During that conversation it transpired he’d avoided meeting her because his best friend had died. He hadn’t Hmm
Didn’t give him the option to come home from work that night and haven’t seen him since. Other than a photo recently where I was pleased to see he’s ageing really badly.

So, yeah, you’re down, but you’ll come back brighter. To quote Reef, which we all should do more often.

The man who disappeared part 2
KittyLover91 · 07/12/2017 17:54

Sending you love and hugs Carrot💐

He is a complete and utter twat and you deserve far better! Hope it all turns to shit for the spineless fucker xXx

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:55

Cup of tea now. Glass of wine at the local at 7. Then coming home to snuggle on sofa with my ds and watch a film. Then try to sleep and not think about them together.

Oh god. It gets easier, it gets easier, it gets easier.

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 07/12/2017 17:56

OP you are brilliant. Such reserves of strength. 2018 will be your year.
Read your last posts on the other thread - glad you're with a friend tonight.

He said he 'can't see me hurt' so wanted to come while I'm out I can't believe this, either. Smarmily trying to come across as caring, posing as upset so as to solicit pity from you, when it's he who has caused the hurt and is clearly just being cowardly in wanting to avoid facing you. He certainly has no concept of making his bed and having to lie in it, does he, he expects to behave as he wants without the resulting discomfort or awkwardness - not breaking up with you in person, not talking to you yesterday, not wanting to face you in the flat you share. As if he is the only actor in his world and he can treat those around him in a way that suits his preferred narrative without regard to the fact they are living, feeling people like he is. Who does this, impulsively walking out, bottling up his feelings at the weekend as if they don't affect you. It is so weak and childish to think that love and attraction trumps everything else, as if you're entitled to give in to tunnel vision and pursue any strong connection you feel at the expense of a life you've built where a child is involved. Teenagers have more restraint!

You are fucking cool, OP, & your son got it from you, I have no doubt :)

Regularsizedrudy · 07/12/2017 17:59

If I were you I would "misplace" his passport. Hopeful he'll really struggle to get a new one after only just getting this one. And it'll cost him £72. It's not much of a revenge but at least it would be a reminder to him of what a stupid shit he is.

NisekoWhistler · 07/12/2017 18:00

Carrot you absolutely blummin rock! You are so so strong, please remember that when you think you aren't. Print the entire last thread and this one and have a read when you don't think you are having a wobble.

Mumsnet you are full of such amazing advice BUT not all of you of course, some real idiots showed their true colours on here and you just steered past it, well done OP

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 18:01

You know what. I don't even want revenge. I want him to have all his stuff.

I want him to remember me as that girl, who he could've had it all with, that had dignity, and that didn't kick off, cause drama, and when he's arguing with her, which he will, he will think of me and hopefully feel a minute part of the pain he's caused me this week.

I want to be his one that got away. And I will be. So he can take his passport and fuck off Grin

OP posts:
SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 07/12/2017 18:03

I didn't post of your previous thread Carrot because it just moved so quickly but I've read through it and kept up with what was going on.

You are so strong and your DS sounds amazing. I can empathise in that department. I've been through the mill a bit over the last 10 years but my oldest DS really is the one thing I can say I got 100% right and you should be so proud of yourself for that.

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