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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The man who disappeared part 2

385 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:15

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

OP posts:
MyStomachHurts · 08/12/2017 15:57

He knows he's fucking up, he's even said he knows it's a mistake, but we both know he has to, he'd never have been happy here if he's forever wondering about her

Sounds like he's trying to keep the door open.
"I have to at least try before WE can be happy"

fuck off

diddl · 08/12/2017 16:02

I'd get a new lock & keys tbh.

I wouldn't trust him!

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 08/12/2017 16:02

The door is firmly shut believe me. I think he wanted me to think he was in turmoil and it was hurting him to have to choose, for sympathy?

I was gobsmacked to be honest.

But it just reinforces that, it's him, not me, and when he says I deserve better he's not wrong x

OP posts:
MyStomachHurts · 08/12/2017 16:04

Yes he would want the sympathy, it eases the guilt you feel for being such a c**t

RaspberryOverload · 08/12/2017 16:12

Carrot sadly I'm in the East Midlands, but if you're ever passing...... My coffee isn't too bad.

StormTreader · 08/12/2017 16:14

"Sounds like he's trying to keep the door open."

Yup, this. Keeping the keys is another way of it not being fully "over" and means you have to keep communicating with him until its happened. Also makes it easier for him to come back if things dont work out.
He could leave the keys at his mums house and you could arrange to have someone pick them up from there, but he'd rather have you chasing them up and "not having time to post them".

LJ25 · 08/12/2017 16:17

You deserve so much better OP Thanks

Mix56 · 08/12/2017 16:50

He left your keys at her place...... what a complete worthless Tosser.
I hope you enjoy the new job & meet lots of gorgeous men !

butterfly56 · 08/12/2017 17:01

I had a feeling he would make you wait for the keys...just so he can use it as a excuse both with you and her that you have still got to communicate one last time.
You are going to have to text him if the keys don't arrive and he can use your texts to prove to her that you're still in contact.
He knows how to mindfuck that's for sure!

As Mix56 says I hope you enjoy the new job & meet lots of gorgeous men !

magoria · 08/12/2017 17:03

I would give him a week and if the keys don't appear just replace the lock on your door.

Inform your landlord and don't even bother to contact him.

Doublemint · 08/12/2017 17:05

Good luck tonight OP!

You are totally 100% right he will regret this- I imagine it will set in around Christmas when the fantasy of his happy life with the OW is tainted by drama and mistrust.

Pahahaaa! What a twat he is. Good riddance.

MinorRSole · 08/12/2017 17:09

They've been apart for a year and there was cheating, he disappeared....what a relationship they're going to have.

Enjoy your new job op, he's going to be one miserable bastard when this reunion goes tits up in under 3 months

Hastalapasta · 08/12/2017 17:13

Just read the thread! Good for you! Stay strong, have fun with the new job and enjoy snuggling with your DS.

shoeaddict83 · 08/12/2017 17:19

Enjoy tonight op! I’m sure it’ll be great getting out and concentrating on a new job and meeting new people, just what you need Smile

inlectorecumbit · 08/12/2017 17:33

I think from all your recent posts that you have had a lucky escape. It may not feel like it now but you will come out of this so much stronger.
He will regret it soon enough, he will come crawling back but too late- that ship has sailed.
Good luck for tonight. I am sure you will be just great and what better job to meet people than behind a bar, lots of opportunity to meet new people and make new friends

Hepzibar · 08/12/2017 18:08

Lets hope he's moved to Rochdale, that'll really serve him right.

You've had a luck escape Carrot, he showed his true colours early enough for you to be a bit bruised but unharmed.

Sounds like him and OW deserve each other.

Jengnr · 08/12/2017 18:28

I’m in W. Yorks too Carrot. And I love getting pissed and I swear like a cunt :)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/12/2017 18:40

And let us know tomorrow how your first night at work went.

Ellie56 · 08/12/2017 19:10

when he says I deserve better he's not wrong

I hope you said, "Yep, I do."

LoverOfCake · 08/12/2017 19:24

Why are people putting emphasis on the OP getting the keys back? OP stated in the previous thread that no-one ever locks the door to the flat anyway, and given she's not in a position to change the locks on the main door this man doesn't need a key to get into the flat does he? In the same way the OP didn't need a key to get in on Wednesday as a neighbour let her into the building and the flat was apparently not locked as it never is.

OP needs to change her mindset from one of someone who leaves a flat door open on a daily basis (something which would invalidate e.g. Any insurance claim if she were burgled,) to one of someone who has a new lock fitted to the flat and who locks the door when she goes out which is the normal thing to do.

All this talk of the keys is just leaving the door open (no pun intended) for this man to just walk back in and for the OP to then take him back....

whatkatydidnext1 · 08/12/2017 19:31

@LoverOfCake
I think op said she needs the keys because twat face has the only set with post box key on

LoverOfCake · 08/12/2017 19:40

But OP not having keys to her own home was already questioned in the first thread. The OP can surely get another set of keys cut or the locks changed to the postbox. Or are we to think that OP isn't going to be receiving mail for the foreseeable future if he doesn't bring the keys back?

What happens if he doesn't send the keys back?

Obviously one would ask for keys to the house back when an ex moves out, but equally changing the locks and actually, locking the door in the first place would be prudent?

RhinoGirl · 08/12/2017 19:41

I’m in West Yorkshire OP and I do make good coffee :)

user1497997754 · 08/12/2017 19:51

Good luck with new job I did exactly the same as you....trouble was my ex kept turning up at the pub where I worked...

notsodimwit · 08/12/2017 20:08

CarrotgirlXmas Smile wishing you all the luck in the world, you deserve so much better and good luck lwith the new job Xmas Smile

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