I'm done and feel like walking

[justme93]

So today I’ve discovered my husband is strutting around minus his wedding ring. It’s totally floored me, he sent a picture this morning of him wearing his birthday present (a t-shirt) zooming in I could see no wedding ring on.

Bit of back story, married 7 yrs for the past year he’s been living and working in another country miles and miles away. We have two children(5&6) yrs old who I look after solely - no family close by and both diagnosed with autism. It’s been a real challenge for me this past year but we are now a year on and actually doing ok. My marriage however has suffered greatly. At the time of taking the job abroad it was for financial reasons and too good to turn down, I supported the decision to better our future.

I’ve seen a real change in him in the past year, he’s now got quite a social life out most nights and a whole new circle of friends. I’m not suggesting he stays in and keeps his head down but he was never a sociable man so I’m surprised by his new found life. After our family holiday in April at Centre Parcs which was a wonderful enjoyable time for us all he went awol.. told a pack of lies about a business trip which turned out to be a jolly touring around Italy and I had very little contact from him. This raised serious suspicion for me, avoiding calls from your wife?? Only when I threatened to call his work to find out where he was did he panic and call me. After that lie the trust was gone for me and I’ve found it very hard to get past that point.

I’ve caught him a couple of times on Skype without his wedding ring on - I pulled him up once on it and was told he’d taken it off to do washing up.. fast forward 6 months and here we are it’s off again (three photos in four days all minus his wedding ring) so when I questioned it this morning I was told he’d taken it off for the dentists visit Monday when he had x-rays.

Utter bull right? Why not put it back on after? I don’t know about anyone else but when I take my rings off I feel odd without them!

Please be gentle with your replies, I’m very fragile right now. Faced with the thought of bringing up two little boys alone both with special needs in a house I absolutely hate and my husband the other side of the world weeks before Christmas I feel like telling him to come home immediately and walking away!!

This is all unfolding and the reality is making me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I’m shaking, I can’t get my head around it all.

[BackInTheRoom]

@justme93
Do all the digging (in between gins of course 😉) before he arrives home. That way you can gently interrogate him cause you'll already know whether he's being honest or not!

If you've got a profile picture of him, you might be able to do a google reverse image to see whether he's on any dating sites? Gosh I'm beginning to sound bad!

[BitOutOfPractice]

I would definitely keep your powder dry until he gets home. Get those proverbial ducks in a row and give him the shock of his life when he gets home.

If you tell everyone now, it's bound to get back to him. I'd spend the next few days just getting one step ahead of him.

[whirlygirly]

Just be careful what you do in anger at this stage. I was all for emailing my xh's boss (he was having an affair with a senior co worker). Luckily a good friend talked me down and explained how it wouldn't be in any of our interests. He was right.
The white heat of the rage was powerful though. Use it to propel you forward but like others say, don't tip him off too soon. You're giving away your power if you do.

[IrritatedUser1960]

I'm sorry OP but you simply can't have a situation where the home life is difficult and your husband is abroad, he will not want to come back, will have as much fun as possible and eventually leave you.
You have to nurture your marriage with your husband with you even if it means being much poorer.
This is a recipe for disaster.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Ah I knew somebody would come along eventually to tell the op that it's her fault it for not "nurturing her marriage". They bollocks. These men are carrying on like this regardless of their situation at home. I can tell you that from bitter experience.

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Yip, been there

Middle east, oil industry and double life

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Irritated

You can't nurture your marriage when they are shagging someone else

[whirlygirly]

Yeah but if you just make the little poppet more comfortable when he comes home, that will solve everything
What a crock of shit.

[calzone]

And wear a pretty bow in your hair 🙄🙄🙄

[flutterby12]

Stfu irritated.

[KarmaStar]

OP,
He,from what I have read,is living it up as a single man and without a thought of you stranded with your two little children.
I'm so sorry to say this but you need to start taking steps to protect yourself and the little ones.
Can you have family to stay with you for emotional support whilst you contact a solicitor/independant financial advisor/citizens advice?
Clearly you need to talk to him but if you find out first what you are entitled to 're housing,benefits,help and support it will give you some confidence and help you to stay strong knowing you are not alone.
I know there is so much to sort out and my heart goes out to you,but please don't feel nobody cares.
You're welcome to pm me if it will help.
💜💜🌼🌼🌼🌼

[mogulfield]

How has the Op done anything wrong irritated? She hasn’t ruined his home life? Have you read the thread?
She’s been looking after the kids, house and holding it all together... I’d say she’s done a smashing job.

[BitOutOfPractice]

More and more women coming on this thread to say exactly the same has happened to them in the oil industry. It is a depressing and horrible cliche . So many of them are doing it. Many many of them are getting away with it by the nature of these two-centred live they lead. It's just horrible and depressing

[shoeaddict83]

irritated perhaps bother to rtft first before you spout a load of shit???

[Bambamrubblesmum]

Are you okay OP?

[Jdabbers]

@justme93 are you ok xx

[teaandakitkat]

Hope you're ok op and get through the next few days ok.

Have the best Christmas you can with your boys x

[BitOutOfPractice]

Just want to say I hope you're ok and have a plan in place.

[BackInTheRoom]

@justme93 How are things?

[Tentomidnight]

Hope you are ok OP.
Did he come home, or did his Turkish ear infection prevent him from flying?
Wishing you and your DC a calm and relaxing Christmas.

[Launderetta]

Hi justme93 ,
Obviously you don't owe anyone on MN a reply. But it would be nice to know how you're getting on; as much as is possible in an anonymous forum, we care!

[BitOutOfPractice]

I suspect the OP's dh has come up with a plausible story!

[Crispbutty]

Hope you are ok Op.

[Pho2Mum]

I agree with bitoutofpractice. I bet he came ready with a good story. He must have realised that op is suspicious with all the questions...,

[Mary1935]

Yes suspect the same -.however you are not a fool and your onto him. It's difficult once the anger subsides to keep up our plans. I wish you well.