I'm done and feel like walking

[justme93]

So today I’ve discovered my husband is strutting around minus his wedding ring. It’s totally floored me, he sent a picture this morning of him wearing his birthday present (a t-shirt) zooming in I could see no wedding ring on.

Bit of back story, married 7 yrs for the past year he’s been living and working in another country miles and miles away. We have two children(5&6) yrs old who I look after solely - no family close by and both diagnosed with autism. It’s been a real challenge for me this past year but we are now a year on and actually doing ok. My marriage however has suffered greatly. At the time of taking the job abroad it was for financial reasons and too good to turn down, I supported the decision to better our future.

I’ve seen a real change in him in the past year, he’s now got quite a social life out most nights and a whole new circle of friends. I’m not suggesting he stays in and keeps his head down but he was never a sociable man so I’m surprised by his new found life. After our family holiday in April at Centre Parcs which was a wonderful enjoyable time for us all he went awol.. told a pack of lies about a business trip which turned out to be a jolly touring around Italy and I had very little contact from him. This raised serious suspicion for me, avoiding calls from your wife?? Only when I threatened to call his work to find out where he was did he panic and call me. After that lie the trust was gone for me and I’ve found it very hard to get past that point.

I’ve caught him a couple of times on Skype without his wedding ring on - I pulled him up once on it and was told he’d taken it off to do washing up.. fast forward 6 months and here we are it’s off again (three photos in four days all minus his wedding ring) so when I questioned it this morning I was told he’d taken it off for the dentists visit Monday when he had x-rays.

Utter bull right? Why not put it back on after? I don’t know about anyone else but when I take my rings off I feel odd without them!

Please be gentle with your replies, I’m very fragile right now. Faced with the thought of bringing up two little boys alone both with special needs in a house I absolutely hate and my husband the other side of the world weeks before Christmas I feel like telling him to come home immediately and walking away!!

This is all unfolding and the reality is making me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I’m shaking, I can’t get my head around it all.

He only speaks to the children once a week? Seriously? What a prick!

Wel done OP your doing amazing

Yes @tillytown Sunday morning and I've had to remind him to do before! He's selfish brain only thinks of himself. Interestingly if he thinks I might be having fun he's straight on it wanting to know my whereabouts.. yet keep his cards close to his chest about what his up to and who with. I've honestly sent myself bonkers these past couple of weeks!

You are doing all the right things.
It must be fucking awful for you right now.
Keep going.
Keep strong.

Heard from him today.. apparently still unwell and needed to visit the clinic for fur medical advice for his sore throat and ear problems (bullshit) called later and seemed ok on the phone if a little flustered. Asked him to Skype me and he declined as he's not switching on his laptop. So I suspect he's elsewhere.. Dubai maybe. Phone went straight back to offline - mentioned the kids were miffed as to why he didn't Skype yesterday.. aww because daddy is poorly I COULD BE ON MY DEATHBED AND STILL NEED TO SEE / speak to my boys. He's not worthy of us. What a shit Christmas I'm heading for

Oh as an after thought.. I've sent a Facebook message to the person who supposedly took him to the doctors clinic today - I'm pretty sure if he does reply he'll think I'm some sort of nutter... he's hiding don't know why this is day 3! To stop myself going mad I've removed what's app deleted my account and cannot see anymore of his fucking messages if any

Did you manage to make contact with a solicitor today?

Take him to the fucking cleaners!

Not even talking to his kids, what a knob.

Have you been into the bank accounts and taken half the savings? I'd be really fucked off that after I'd taken all the info and money I'm entitled to I'd report via the online account that there is potential fraud and get the account frozen. Happy Christmas tosser! Try wining and dining overseas with nowt

I feel so sad for my babies. We've had a lovely evening in the bath and reading stories. Something he's never done I'm so happy I have that happiness with them

I'm crumbling I won't lie this time next week is Christmas Day, the man I married is long gone. I'm saddled with two boys with autism - they are always going to be different there's no escaping that. This past year they have become such beautiful little affectionate individuals. None of which is down to him. It hurts so much he run from us throwing money at the situation when all we needed was love. I've learnt so much, that I'm thankful for.

Could you phone his office and ask to speak to him, without identifying yourself as his wife. They may volunteer he's away on holiday or off sick.
What's your relationship like with his parents / family? Would they help at all?

I have never done so but Plan to call his office tomorrow am. I have already planned this.

His father estranged from his mother now residing in New Zealand and his mother in California... both I have very little contact with and they choose to do their own thing

If he’s mentioning ear infections, do you think he might be setting up a ‘I can’t fly’ excuse?

So sorry you’re going through this op

Thebluedog has hit the nail on the head...

he's laying the foundations to avoid flying home

Op, I was in a spookily similar situation to you about 10 years ago. 2 dcs, similar issues. Big house by the sea, miles from family, he worked away etc etc

I asked around and got the best high net worth solicitor I could find. Photocopied every financial document I could, sealed and gave to a friend. Found a forensic accountant.

He had entirely checked out of the marriage. I only realised the full extent of it all when some woman he'd been messing around with got in touch a couple of years afterwards. By then I'd moved on.

Being on my own has actually been fine - he did so little that as long as he pays fairly, I can handle the rest. We're a happy little unit and I now have a Dp who is so transparent in comparison.

I know it's grim but you will absolutely be ok. For the moment I'd recommend playing your cards very close to your chest to get all the info you can. I didn't pull the trigger on the marriage until I'd got everything lined up. I think he'd underestimated me and the settlement was much easier then I'd anticipated.

Sounds like I need to find myself a forensic accountant, I have a feeling he knows he's in it up to his neck.. I've played the calm card.. maybe he has been laying the foundations not to return for Christmas (I'm no longer bothered if he does or doesn't) I want him to come home basically so I can get some more evidence really - it will be very difficult to even look him in the face if I'm honest.

Don't suppose anyone speaks Russian?

Download the Google translate app.

I called his office to ascertain his whereabouts.. they speak Russian and I can get no further than some poor reception girl. I've messaged a few translators..

Can you just say his name and po-zha-less-ta (please)?

He has called - I threatened to call his office as I'd had no contact. Funny how that got a reaction. Played the poor wife worried ever so about her husband! He could be dead for all I know.. asked him to promise not to avoid me, stay in contact and let me know he's safely on the plane Saturday. I know have to remain as calm as possible until he gets back!

I don't believe he's currently where he says he is - I shall check his passport stamps when he's back (if he does actually come back..) also still have the phone hack trick I'm hoping will work to.

He's sent me completely bat shit crazy, I have to get the truth!

Oh it gets much better.. he's been off sick. The office is closed for the national independence celebrations! The net is closing in, I'm totally convinced now he's elsewhere having a fucking ball spending his hard earned cash with someone else

I asked around and got the best high net worth solicitor I could find. Photocopied every financial document I could, sealed and gave to a friend. Found a forensic accountant

This is key. Failure to do this will equate to being fucked over financially.

Dont give him the heads up.
Just get on and find a solicitor and get all the information together.