Frustrationqueen's frustrations

[Frustrationqueen]

I think i sorted the other thread.

Guilt is not a helpful emotion at any point in time.

You have made the right decisions at this moment in time for the right reasons.

A man who really wanted a relationship with you would have talked to your face, not sent his mother as an ambassador. He too should respect your decisions.

The next while will not be easy but you have done the right thing.

His mum said he didnt know she was coming to see me. I dont know how much truth was in that as i cant trust anything any of them say.

I told her of the morning when i saw him coming from the direction that was neither his home or his grandparents. Apparently he would have had his grandad drop him off elsewhere so that he could see me!

By the looks of things you are right moany. I can quite believe that it we did try again and it went tits up, but only him ending it -it would be a completely different side of his mum i would see.
I think its a case of mollycoddling still. Whatever her son wants she will go with it.
Especially since without me they were questioning his sexuality.

Yes these decisions are definitely the right ones at the minute. I can see that by how my mental health has improved since ive made them.

He's a stalker. She's his enabler. You are entitled to tell them to fuck off and to involve the police.

Keep your appointment. Keep it private. And please remember there's a difference between remorse and guilt. Sod guilt. You've done nothing wrong. Maybe feel a bit remorseful, and move on. Learn and move on. These people are batshit.

I cannot don’t spread just how bizarre and inappropriate it is for a parent to be this involved in their child’s relationship.

It’s not normal or healthy. Which probably explains a lot about him tbh.

Totally agree with what the others have said. This is such a ridiculous situation that it's hard to respond to it sensibly!

Basically, you don't owe this man a relationship. He doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you. Even aside from all the weird stuff, and even if he were a lovely man and even if his mum weren't harassing you, you are still within your rights to end a relationship with him for any reason you choose.

"I don't like the underwear he chooses for himself"
"He likes a band I think are shit"
"One of his friends smells funny"
"The colour of his hair puts me off"

Now these might seem like picky reasons to end a relationship, admittedly, but it wouldn't matter. You can end it for any reason you choose. And the reasons you have ended it for are very valid, and very real. Perhaps when he has grown up a little bit he will be in a position to have a proper grown up relationship.

And maybe this will be the impetus for him to do that. But he won't do it with you. The pattern of his and your relationship is already established. And he has far too much growing up to do to be a supportive partner to you and a father.

You've given him plenty of chances. If your feelings or presence in his life were enough to 'change' him, then they would have done so by now.

Don't be fooled by "if you have this baby...". That's an attempt to appear reasonable. It's an attempt to indicate that your feelings matter in this. Oh and it's an attempt to make you believe it's about you and not the baby. They know what it looks like and, IIRC, things have been threatened..?

Seriously, do not feel guilty. If I were you, the fact that his mother turned up on my doorstep to say all this, whether he knew about it or not, would be enough to reassure me I was doing the right thing. It would not make me doubt myself.

Be strong. You won't regret it. And you'll back on this in 5, 10 year time when you are with a good and decent man and realise what a lucky escape you had.

If you are pregnant you need to focus on being pregnant and your coming child. I read in one of your posts you hope this time need year you'll have someone much better.

Are you able to be alone? Do you need to "find another relationship? Can't you focus on your pregnancy and the raising of your child to begin with? You don't need a man at this stage. You need a good break from them and find yourself in a calm settled place in life before finding someone else.

You need to RTFT Fatso.

Put yourself first OP because you deserve so much better
I hope everything goes OK today
You've done really well getting out of the situation with him and his dysfunctional family life.

My eyes have opened properly this morning and i can see just how ridiculous it all is.
I was caught off guard yesterday, i think.

His mum doing what she has does show what i would be dealing with if i went back to it all, youre right. Along with how his views on relationships must be warped.
There is no hope.
I can go back to where i originally said it feels like i am in a relationship with his mum as well, with yesterdays episode just cementing that fact. That is not what i want.

I have already told her to respect my decisions and choices and she clearly hasnt, so that proves that my feelings do not matter to them.

Yes you recall right snowglitter, things have been threatened. I cant believe how far back in my mind those threats were yesterday. They should be, and should be staying at the front of my mind.

I feel a lot stronger and determined today.
I do not need a relationship, fatso. I was happier when i was on my own for a few years before we got together. I feel that happiness is back, and that in itself is enough to remind me that i am doing the right thing

Thank you butterfly

They should be, and should be staying at the front of my mind.

YES!!

Keep all of it at the forefront of your mind. This is just the panicking and the flapping you're seeing/hearing now. The relationship was the reality of how a relationship with him would be. You already know what that would look like.

Keep all of the relationship at the front of your mind.

Take care and good luck today x

you're doing amazing! Good luck today Queen

I will do.

Thank you snowglitter and shoeaddict

Yes good luck today, I hope you get some good support x x

Much luck today.

Adding to the messages for support today

Thank you all.
The date has been set for two weeks time.
It was a lot harder than i imagined.
I was all set and then i crumbled when reality hit.

You can change your mind if you want to. Whatever you do, be kind to yourself.

Thank you yippyyappy

The attempts to make contact seem to have increased again.
He has knocked on my door. He has called my dad to find out where i am. His mum has text asking if i would please consider speaking to him.
I have been very clear in my response to her.

This is driving me mad

I would text his DM and again ask her and your ex to stop contacting you and that if it continues you will be going to the police as this is harassment.
And do it..
you are having an awful day

Tell them all that you don't want to hear from any of them ever again, and that they are not to contact your dad either. That if they continue now you've asked them to, they will be guilty of harassment. Then block their numbers and if they do get in contact again, tell the police.

It's bizarre, this woman trying to sort out her son's relationship for him.

I think they know he's probably gay, and are desperate for him to have a girlfriend to prove he's not.

This whole family sounds dysfunctional. You're better off without them.

I was just about to say exactly what inlectorecumbit has. I think it's about time to tell them that if they contact you again you will contact the police.

I definitely do feel that im better off without them now.

My dad has told him i dont want any contact so fingers crossed that he listens.
If not, then it will be a matter for the police as i cant be dealing with this constantly.

For the police to take an accusation of harassment seriously, you will need to provide evidence that you have told the dm and your ex to leave you and your family alone otherwise you will call the police. So just text them, save the message and any responses with a view to passing them along to the police.

You are more than a surrogate mother to this weirdo. You are more than a womb to his crazy mum.

Thank you hampton
I dont think i can take the step just yet to threaten them with that. I will if it continues now after my dad has said something, for definite.

I feel awful just thinking about that as i dont know if they are even aware of how wrong their actions are.

I agree with the ontherise who suggested the mum is desperate for her son to have a girlfriend to prove he is not gay.
Maybe they are all clinging on to that, him included.

I wish it could all be different, i really do. Gutted it has come to this, but i have been left with no other choice.