Frustrationqueen's frustrations

[Frustrationqueen]

I think i sorted the other thread.

You can only deal with one thing at a time. Knowing it's over is one thing, being content/happy with that will take a bit longer.

Make it easy on yourself. Of course he is getting in touch, you're not playing the game the way you were supposed to and that is all there is to it.

You know that nothing would really change, don't you? He's had plenty of chances and failed every time. Even if you gave him another chance, he'd manage it for a week or two, maybe a month or two, but for the rest of his life?

If there is one thing I have learnt, it's that they need to have grown up first. Assuming they'll grow up along the way because that would seem to make sense, rarely pays off. Good luck and take care

Agree tell him afterwards, and it is up to you whether you tell him the truth or a lie. It all depends how you are feeling mentally and physically, your feelings trump his.

Yeah he wont change. It would last a week or two as it has every other time and id be back to feeling how i was.
I dont know why im feeling this way.

I kind of feel bad leaving him in the dark, but then i remember how it is still very early days. Also about how he didnt ever mind leaving me in the dark many times.

I thought this would get easier as the days went on, not harder.
Thank you x

It will get easier. But you need to get over the hill first.

Don't feel bad leaving him in the dark. If he'd been any sort of man/adult/partner, he would be in the dark in the first place. You are protecting yourself and your future here. He doesn't count.

If he had cared at all for you he wouldn’t have continually had his grandparents pick him up at night. He wouldn’t have ignored your texts all day after he promised to stay and went to feed his pets. He wouldn’t have text you with ‘I’m done’ ... I mean that is cold and callous.
I think you’re missing who you wanted him to be and the rosy future you had planned. But you need to see who is reallly is and he has shown you many examples.

Take care. I really think you’re worth more than he can ever give you.

Yes you are both so right.
I need to keep reminding myself of all of what you said!
His actions proved he didnt care time and time again.

Maybe the time apart has made me shift my focus away from the main issues since im not dealing with it daily no more.

Im thinking of just telling the truth. It might get him to leave me alone

I would really caution against that. You suspected that their concern was more the outcome than you anyway.

There's no telling what they might do to prevent you.

I would continue to block/ignore them all and then text him afterwards just telling him the facts when there is nothing they can do.

You know it won't make him leave you alone.

Tell him afterwards. Whether you tell him 'the truth' or not, - tell him after.

You don't want any pressure being brought to bear on you from him, his mum, other flying monkeys...

You are young. Plenty of time afterwards to get into a proper relationship.

Good points.
He deliberately walked alongside the path outside of my work in time for me leaving today.
Yet made no attempt to communicate despite his numerous attempts elsewhere

He is a child. He will add nothing to your life.

Personally I wouldn't bother telling him anything but, if you have decided on a termination I would not tell him anything until after you had it.

Whether you tell him you terminated vs miscarried is entirely up to you but all he needs to know in that instance is that there's no baby, nothing tying him to you and no reason for him to be anywhere near you ever again.

That is very true moany that is all he needs to know

Don't get sucked back in again. It's really important you break the cycle. I know how tough that is but hang in there and you'll be ok. He's not right for you and never will be. I can't see anyone putting up with him.

I'd tell him I miscarried, for what it's worth, but it's your decision.

I cant see anyone putting up with it either tbh.
Im pleased he decided to deliberately cross paths with me today. It helped me realise how childish he is.
He has been begging and pleading to communicate with me in every way possible, yet he makes no attempt face to face when he had the perfect opportunity.
Not that i would have entertained him, but thats not the point.

His mum has been to my house.
Telling me he is absolutely devastated. He is truly in love with me. He is really ill but wandering keeps wandering the streets in the hope of bumping into me.
She has had words with him about how he has broken down this relationship and tried explaining to me that i am his first real girlfriend and he doesnt know exactly what to do and didnt realise the damage he was doing.
She said the sleeping at the grandparents is him fearing of losing his grandad as he nearly did a while ago and since then he hasnt even stopped at home (which explains that).
They all even thought he was gay but they can assure me he is not as he is deeply devastated about our break up. How that confirms he is not gay is beyond me.

She would really like it if we could start off slowly again.
I kept telling her ive been at this point too many times now but she was pretty much pleading.
It didnt seem to be about the baby because she just said "if i do have the baby will i let them know when the day comes"

What a way to throw the spanners in the works with my already confused mind over all of this.

Help!

no just no.....

How can you possibly have a relationship with some one as fucked up as this ,who needs his mummy to do the talking for him.

They see you as his rescuer-- his first real relaitonship, someone who will share the responsibility of parenting him.
He is not partner or father material.

Oh god. His family know he's gay. The staying at his grandfathers because he's fearful he's going to die makes no sense at all, you know that don't you?

Yes agree with others, let him know after the fact.

And yes, you are mourning the fantasy that he sold you, of a loving happy family unit. But that was never actually on offer

I didn't get this involved with my kids friendships when they were eight, let alone 28!! It is so ridiculously childish. I can't see how you can feel remotely attracted to anyone so immature that his mother is trying to sort out his relationships. As you know, and as you have been told here, you need to totally disengage.
Good luck!

You just wouldnt, would you?
For a second i thought they must all really like me to be going to these extremes. But then i hear from rational people and think its crazy.

Usually when a parent suspects their child to be gay, theyre not wrong are they?

My bil's brother was so clearly gay as a child - as a teen he wanted girlfriends etc. Late teens he finally came out. Everyone suspected it and everyone was pleased he came out rather than trying to fight against it by having girlfriends

This is just ridiculous.

This is all about what she wants.

It doesn't matter if he's gay or not.
It doesn't matter if he's ill.
It doesn't matter if he's scared.

He's a fucking coward and he can't even articulate himself adequately to put his own case forward.

If I were you there'd be no 'spanner' - I'd just keep my appointment and move on from this car crash.

How your resolve hasn't been strengthened is beyond me.

I am keeping the appointment that is for definite.
Im there tomorrow for the first appointment.

I dont know whats wrong with me moany i honestly dont know how and why i am feeling as confused as i do.
Perhaps guilt? I really dont know.
Im hoping once all is done i really can just move forward

What a way to throw the spanners in the works with my already confused mind over all of this

REALLY, REALLY.

What part of the circus of idiots do you find appealing? A life time of this lunacy awaits.

Thank you. This is helping! You are right drmorbius

Frustration - don't forget you are also a bundle of hormones right now with the pregnancy. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Seriously. Every time you have a problem his mum will be there. He'll disappear each time it gets tricky.