Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

Well. I'm not an option, I won't be an option if that's the case. I'm losing hope quickly at this point.

I don't know what's happened between going to work at 8, and getting home at 10.30 but whatever it is, I couldn't have stopped it I don't think.

I am so so hurt.

Just to let you know I am thinkin gof you. What a horrible situation.

Make sure you eat something and have company.

Perhaps have a glass of wine to take the edge off! Its th not knowing which hurts, that constant anxiety and knot in the stomach. A lot of us have been there.

Is she on Facebook? Can you stalk?

I hope you get an explanation soon OP. Even if it's not one you want to hear, at least you can stop wondering and start dealing with known facts.

Just read through your thread OP. I hope so much that this has a happy ending and right now this minute he's telling her to bog right off. X fingers crossed for you

Iv been here before, that's the worst thing. I was married, to a great man. He had a disability that meant he was losing his eyesight. Couldn't handle it, turned to drugs. Eventually turned to violence.

I remember those nights waiting to see if he would come home, and if he did what state he was in. Took me a long time to get out of that. That was 4 years ago. Told myself I'd never let that happen to me again. And here I am.

6 months really is not long enough to know someone.

I personally dont think it can have a happy ending. He should not feel the need to have closure and revisit the past. If only out of respect for you.

Its disrespectful

OP, according to your previous posts you came out of an abusive relationship in April and were still getting over that in October. Yet we're now at December and you've been living with someone who has been a part of your childcare options for some time given you apparently work nights and you've only known him for six months.

People can name call me here all they like, but the reality here is that you would benefit from something like the freedom programme before you get into any more relationships.

6 months really is not long enough to know someone Take comfort in the fact that you have only known him for 6 months so no great loss

I can't see a happy ending here either. If he'd been home at 12, 1 apologising, telling me he'd done what he had to, that it was over, then maybe.

This is just making a mug out of me now.

hoping that you hear something soon. So sorry for what you're going through x

What a horrible situation for you. I hope you hear something from him soon.

Am I being incredibly dense?

But so far what has he actually done wrong. He’s gone out somewhere on his day off possibly to see an ex possibly not.

Surely he’s an adult who can go where he wants and talk to who he wants.

It will have a happy ending in the fact that you've now seen how appallingly and disrespectfully he deals with things and you will move on, bigger, better. Sadly though for the minute you have to wade through some crap to get to that point.

needasock yes, yes you are being INCREDIBLY dense.

Just get through moment by moment. Poor you. You deserve much better.

NeedsAsockamnesty
Am I being incredibly dense?

But so far what has he actually done wrong. He’s gone out somewhere on his day off possibly to see an ex possibly not.

Surely he’s an adult who can go where he wants and talk to who he wants.

Thank god someone else asked! The bloke has gone out for the day. I'm not seeing a HUGE deal. Ok, he could have been a little more considerate about letting OP know but otherwise..... pure speculation.

I'm really surprised his not back yet, I thought you were being OTT to begin but it seems you were correct

How weird. None of it really makes any sense.. I'd bolt the door tonight in case he comes back in a drunken mess if things didn't go the way he wanted...

Am I being incredibly dense?

Either that or you completely missed the part where OP said she was coming home early and he said he would see her soon and completely omitted to tell her he wasn't fucking in. Or the part where he has the key, her DS at school has the other key, so he was well aware she couldn't get in. Or the part where OP mentions how out of character the whole thing was

He has android, no phone finder

If you know his account password, you can absolutely find an Android phone. You can even make it ring loudly remotely. It will tell him that you have located the device, though.

I cant believe people can be so cruel! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I really, really hope he comes home grovelling and with an explanation.

I'm with people where it sounds like you're jumping to conclusions.
You don't know anything right now.
Try and think positive

Had his ex cheated? Or did he walk out in high dudgeon just having heard she cheated? Did he ever stop to ask for her version of events or just do the whole 'high drama' thing of walking off into the night in only the clothes he wore?

That's not real life, that's Hollywood. Or it shows a level of conflict avoidance that is practically Olympic standard. And if he hates conflict that much, maybe he really is staying away because he's afraid to face you, OP.

Forgot to say, my dp did this once, didn't come home from work and didn't contact me until the next morning. Alcohol was involved and his not a bring drinker. He didn't make the mistake of doing it again though.

So I understand that awful feeling from going between full on rage to being terrified something has happened. It's such a dick move.

That’s rotten op 😟