Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

It will have a happy ending in the fact that you've now seen how appallingly and disrespectfully he deals with things and you will move on, bigger, better. Sadly though for the minute you have to wade through some crap to get to that point.

^^ This. This. A thousand times this! ^^

for you, OP. You will get through this.

So as far as he knows, you're locked out!?

Do you pay any service bills for the both of you? Might help you argue a bit for tenancy rights? It does sounds a bit dodge, looks like he is two people in one, and one's been hiding . Bad one to treat you this way.

Well, wrt the key, I wonder whether perhaps he hadn't considered that OP didn't have a key since one of them is always there to open the dor. And given that until recently the OP was apparently working nights and he was doing OP's childcare she always let herself into the flat and then he went out so their paths didn't cross iyswim????

I go out all the time by myself without notifying anybody, been doing it since I was about 16 I often don’t bother charging my phone.

And if I did charge my phone and got a weird text message accusing me of leaving someone because I had I would think WTF and assume they had started being very odd and wouldn’t respond

Oh give it up ffs!

Charming to leave you locked out! also- have you thought of ringing Women's Aid? It is pretty abusive behaviour and they can advise you how to proceed .

He does not give a toss,or care if your ok. For all he knows your locked out as he has the key. his last message was aggressive, it sounds like he's blocked you as your messages are coming back. He does not even offer a courtesy test or message, that he's ok.or sorry it's over, your well rid.

Isent it respectful to let your partner know if your going for a long time. Or give her back her key as her and her child might need it together back into the house.

For those saying there's no problem with just going out...no, there isn't but there's a back story and flags and profile picture changes and aggressive responses and blocking. This isn't just a stroll in the park...in new smart clothes..

OP, I don't have anything to add that someone else hasn't said but I am so very sorry you are going through this, whatever the outcome is. I'm here for a handhold if you need one x

Oh crikey op what an awful awful situation. I don't join the chorus of "you were a fool to rush in" comments because I think you probably know that now.

I hope you get done answers soon. This limbo is an awful place to be

It doesn't sound good OP. I really hope you find out either way soon. The not knowing is the worst

Another one here who thinks you're jumping to conclusions. I think this guy will be back, even if what he has to say isn't good.

Did you leave work early because you felt ill or because you felt something was wrong?

The thing I keep thinking about this thread is he thinks your home at 6. So I wouldn't be overreacting that much until you actually would expect him to be there.

I go out all the time by myself without notifying anybody, been doing it since I was about 16 I often don’t bother charging my phone.

Me too, but if I were out and my DH phoned and told me he was coming home early I wouldn't say 'see you soon' I would say 'ok, btw, I'm not in just Now'

Can you not see how bloody odd it was?

The thing I keep thinking about this thread is he thinks your home at 6.

Are you reading a different thread? OP told him she would be about an hour. This was at around 2pm. He doesn't think she will be home at 6 at all.

Hand hold for you OP - you're not alone x

If someone cared about text they weren’t feeling great depending on how robust or not they are I may either respond with great sympathy or fucks sake hope you feel better soon. I also wouldn’t expect someone to feel they needed to hand hold unless serious sickness was involved.

If I found out someone cheated on me if I was certain I may just vanish as well.

I’ve currently got my social media picture as a brown banana.

Surely the time to start worrying is later if he doesn’t come back. He’s taken the keys why would he do that if he wasn’t going to be needing them.

Oh OP. This is really cruel. Hope you hear something soon.

There really are some cowardly shits out there.

Oh I didn't realise you were a DV survivor.... okay . Firstly, I am really really sorry. Hugs.
He isn't what he seemed. He is unreliable and a liar.He would have left you and your children locked out in the street.
When you have been in an abusive relationship you really need counselling from a specialist DV counsellor 'cos all your boundaries have been eroded.I re-iterate that it would be good for you to ring Womens' Aid for an escape plane

Sorry. No update. My mums here haven't had chance to read last few posts. Will update properly when I'm alone again, or if I hear anything x

How are you, OP?

Why is his twin in hospital? Is it possible that he's gone to visit him, hence phone turned off, and he was worried hence not thinking about things like locking OP out?