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Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
gingergenius · 07/12/2017 10:25

Ah fair enough OP. You Don't need any more drama. Glad you've got some support in RL

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/12/2017 10:28

Find your anger, OP.

Pack his shit up.

When his brother is up to driving, get him to pick it up and drop it off.

This is not a breakdown. This is a selfish, callous little shit who doesn't have the balls or decency to break up with you in person. And who probably skipped off to see his ex yesterday.

PhuntSox · 07/12/2017 10:29

Your instincts are so sharp OP!

I don't think I would ever really trust someone who had disappeared twice and card so little for my feeling that they hadn't contacted me, so I would load his stuff into bin bags and tell him he has 48 hours to collect.

I would then have a day of wallowing, box of chocs and a good film, I like Sliding Doors for this sort of thing. I would book some fun stuff for you and DS, tickets to the cinema etc so you have something to look forward to and keep you busy, how about the new Star Wars film?

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 07/12/2017 10:29

This reply has been withdrawn

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FML2017 · 07/12/2017 10:37

Well done for not texting. I know if I was in your position I would be itching to text but would regret it immediately.

Bobbins43 · 07/12/2017 10:38

Hey, OP. Just checking in. You are doing remarkably well. Would going for a walk or a swim or something be doable? Just to get out of the flat and get some air? Maybe leave your phone behind?

JingsMahBucket · 07/12/2017 10:41

@Carrotgirl999 I am genuinely dismayed at how this all panned out so far.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 10:44

Devastated. I am going to pack his things this afternoon. It will keep me busy and stop me staring at them. I think that's one proactive step anyway.

Don't know about the fucking Christmas presents. Might pack them for him and he can feel a twat opening them, because I'm sure by Christmas his ex situation will be blown up in his face and then the guilt will really kick in.

OP posts:
LostMyMojoSomewhere · 07/12/2017 10:50

This reply has been withdrawn

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Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 10:53

I don't think he feels remorse either. Regret tho, I know he does.

He said once, I couldn't face difficult situations when I was younger, I used to hide and then regret it, but Iv Can't think now why I didn't see that as a huge red flag. Was just in mid conversation. Didn't even think at the time.

Besides which I didn't even realise we were in a difficult situation. Well, I wasn't anyway.

OP posts:
Killerfiller · 07/12/2017 10:53

You have moved this man in with you and your son after 6 months. Don't do this again please how unsettling for him.

He has clearly gone to meet her to discuss getting back together or left.

How sad for your son

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 10:55

My son will be fine.

But no. I won't make this mistake again.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 07/12/2017 10:59

would the ex be honest if you messaged her? to ask if they met up or whether they planned to

GeekyWombat · 07/12/2017 10:59

So sorry to read the updates OP. I think packing his stuff up is a great idea. Definitely no presents though!

Animation86 · 07/12/2017 11:00

Really @killerfiller ? Hardly what Carrot needs to hear right now.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 11:02

Yeah she'd probably tell me, just another step closer to breaking us up isn't it.

However I am not giving him, or her, the satisfaction of telling me that.

I will not ever ever message her. Ever.

OP posts:
Nannyplumbrocks · 07/12/2017 11:03

Your doing amazing op

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/12/2017 11:05

Take his Christmas presents back. Use the money to buy something nice for yourself and DS.

inlectorecumbit · 07/12/2017 11:07

All his actions are deceitful and lacking basic respect.
He put his new clothes on and he went out at a time he knew you would be out and that hopefully he would be back before you were aware that he had been meeting his ex. He changed his profile picture Hmm. Once busted he went no contact and used his mum/confused/breakdown to buy himself some time.
You deserve so much better than this, as does your son.
Pack up and ship his stuff out. Don't wait around playing the pick me dance. You are much better than that.
He will regret it---too bad. I don't think for one second you will regret ditching him.

PastaOfMuppets · 07/12/2017 11:18

@CarrotGirl, did something happen between 10.23 and 10.44, when you went from awaiting what the brother could find out to devastated/packing his stuff? Did you hear back from bro?

dontbesillyhenry · 07/12/2017 11:19

I have a feeling OP will be 'giving it another go' and he will promise 'he will get some counselling' by the end of the week

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 11:21

No. I just am so rediculously up and down, one minute I'm telling myself to have patience, the next minute I'm pacing the room.

I just think if I prepare for the worst and pack up his stuff, it'll keep me busy. And on top of that I won't have to keep looking at it all.

I can't see anything his brother will say that will change anything but il listen at least. And if Iv been premature at packing bags then really that's not the worst thing in the world to have done I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 11:23

How can you 'give it a go' with someone who isn't here? Who doesn't want to be here? He hasn't called or txt this morning, he hasn't shown up, there's been nothing to say he's ever even coming back, so there's nothing to 'have a go' at.

I'm just wanting answers. I want peace of mind. I'm aware I may not ever get them. But a one sided having a go at this is not an option. If he wanted that he'd have turned up at the crack of dawn grovelling, but he is STILL leaving me none the wiser. So there's nothing to even try for.

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 07/12/2017 11:27

He’s not exactly covering himself in glory is he? Like you say, if he was at all interested he would have been knocking on the door at 6am begging for forgiveness. Whatever you do, don’t chase him. He’s shown his true colours and you’re worth more than this bullshit

LilOnline · 07/12/2017 11:28

Even if he says he is going to counselling, do not commit to taking him back. He still needs to move out and you need time to yourself whilst he gets his sh*t together (which I bet he doesn't even try to do).

And even if he has had a nervous breakdown, he can sort it out at his Mum's. Your priority is to your son and yourself, not to deal with this considering how he treated you and you've been together only 6 months