Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

I’m really sorry that this has happened OP. I had hoped for a better outcome for you. Can I recommend listening to the Beautiful South’s ‘A Little Time’.

Agree with totallyliterally.

Yep. What totally said. He's not even very original or imaginative with his little helpless man speech. It's all bollocks. He's biding his time until he grows a pair.

I know count. If things get a little difficult again? Not that I even knew they were.... no fucking way.

If I let this go I'd DESERVE it the next time, wouldn't even have any sympathy for myself.

OP,

Fuck me, you've had a hell of a day. Curl up, have a cuppa and take that sleeping pill if you can find it. Glad you are with your Mum.

Switch off the phone/PC. We will all be here tomorrow.

Don't text him. Try and get some sleep.

OP, you have to try to realise that he is not the man you said goodbye to this morning. He is a cruel selfish pig. Do not under any circumstances text him back. He doesn't deserve it and won't appreciate it. You'll just be left hanging again hoping it will open up some dialogue. Which it won't.

Sleep soundly op, knowing that you didn't text him back. Maybe you're not going to be as devastated as he clearly thinks you will be over him. Arrogant twat.

I once moved out when my boyfriend went to a party. He deserved it though.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you op.

I'd pack his stuff and send it in a taxi and never speak to him again. Easier said than done but no way could you come back from this.

I think he left without anything because you came home early and the oh for fuck sake was because you were ruining his plan. I wonder had you not called and just turned up, would you have walked in on him packing.

I imagine he met up with ex today, she’s begged him back and he’s gone to his Mum’s to get some space to think about it....

....and can't stay at ex's place cos she's still with the other guy.

That's what I think happened.

OP, don't answer. Leave him to wonder if you even saw the message.
Sorry this has happened.

He is lying to you. Stay angry. There is zero chance of him putting his best clothes on and going AWOL all day to go to his mums. Don't take this shit!!!

Get some sleep Carrot. You've had a godawful day. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

We will all be here tomorrow

^^ this.

(though hopefully loverofcake and some of the other delightfully unhelpful posters will have gotten bored and can go and pick holes in someone else's life)

OP you are being so incredibly strong.

Make sure you are kind to yourself and do whatever makes you happy. Eat ice cream, chocolate, wine, whatever you enjoy. Just indulge and stay strong for yourself and your boy.

Hope you get some sleep x

I hope you get some sleep tonight Carrotgirl and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Honestly OP, I would pack up all his stuff right now and send it to his mums in a taxi.

Fuck him.

Furious on your behalf. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Yes you can post what you like.
Is it bad news ?

Op, I would also try to think through possible scenarios from tomorrow onwards and how you'll deal with it. Just so you're mentally prepared.

E.g. He comes around to collect his stuff (save the diazepam lol)
He comes around and tells you he needs time
He comes around all apologetic

Ideally, and the best road is usually the hardest road to take, answer to all of the above is that you stand firm, hold your dignity and say 'seeya!'.

Let him pack his own stuff the bollocks.

Evening folks. Just wanted to say sorry for the strange wizardry going on with the photos on this thread. The OP did post some screengrabs of texts but they appear to only be visible on the app. We're going to delete the post that contains them now (not that it will make much odds to you if they were invisible to you already but thought you'd like to know!).

Thankyou!

Do NOT reply.

Review things tomorrow.

What a Wanker he is!

I've been following your thread all day,I didn't post earlier because you already had so many posts to read through.

I'm really sorry he has done this to you,I wouldn't bother with a reply,he couldn't be bothered to reply to you.I think he most probably did go and see his ex and they sound like they deserve one another,I'd leave them to it and let karma fuck it all up for the pair of them.

Sorry my laptop won’t reload and I’m way behind.

So many extreme responses here.

My DP did a similar thing adequately months into our relationship. Not saying it was ok but we did get over it and several years later we are very happy and secure .

I can recall the exact way you must be feeling. It’s torture.
Whatever the outcome you won’t feel like this forever

Adequately should read “a few months”

Carrot
I hope you get some sleep tonight you've had a hellish day

You deserve better than this pathetic liar OP. He’s kept you in the dark all day. He didn’t leave to go to his mums. You know that. He doesn’t want you. He wants this other one. That’s really really sad for you and your son and you should not write back to him at all. Don’t chase him. All of this, two women fighting over him, is a massive ego boost for him. If he isn’t totally with you enough to tell the ex to bog off then you tell him to bog off. I think I’d just write back “yeah true. You can’t make me happy. We’ve had a great day without you. Not sure why I bothered with you in the first place actually. Be grateful if you could post the keys through my door and I’ll leave your stuff in bin bags outside the door. Hope you and the ex sort it out. You want to be careful she doesn’t fuck you over again though dude although it’s not my problem now, thank god”