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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
littleskittle · 06/12/2017 21:59

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through today, just awful Thanks

The texts read very much like messages I got from an ex who had decided to go back to former partner who'd cheated on him 'so messed up..can't make you happy etc' - almost word for word. Think his way of letting me down gently while trying to make me feel sorry for him so I'd be less angry.

Obviously every situation is different and I know there's a danger of applying your own experience to someone else's situation. But my gut says he deserves no reply. Why should you be making him feel better after him worrying you sick all day? He doesn't deserve you.

Motherwell91 · 06/12/2017 21:59

I would give his message as much urgency as he gave yours! He is not worth your time and not a good role model for your ds... I know it's a shitty time of year for this to happen but just think.. in a few weeks it's a new year with new opportunities and beggingings. Be strong and dignified OP FlowersWine

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 22:00

I think I'm just in shock a little bit now. Adrenaline has all gone, it's what's been driving me all day and now I'm what? Deflated or something?

As for it being made up... some people saw the screenshots. Iv been sat, alone, most of the day, with nothing to do but update. If you think I'm a liar then just don't read the damn thread.

Iv really been through it today and that is really unhelpful.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 22:00

I really don't see how that matters now Lover.

The only thing the OP will need now is help and support moving forward. Stuff the family if they were covering for him, that speaks volumes about them.

The OP can hold her head high knowing she is nothing like them, and get them all out of her life, which is a good thing for her and her ds.

Teensandfuture · 06/12/2017 22:01

If screenshots were there then where is notice "comment deleted "? On what page is it?

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 22:01

Or maybe Iv just found my anger. Whoops.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 22:01

Teens if you have a problem with a post then report it, and stop troll hunting, it's against the rules.

YCAWS · 06/12/2017 22:02

Screen shot still there at 2133 from OP?

Leo07 · 06/12/2017 22:02

For you op 🙏 You've done amazing! See that strength and dignity you've had all day? Use it to your advantage, fuck him reet off. Are you a second option? Or a, do I be with her don't I option? You should be the ONLY and CLEAR option to any decent loving man! He's clearly been with her all day, to me it's the lying, deceit and sneakyness that would put me well off.

Use the dignity and respect you have for yourself to stop this man playing you like a fiddle. 6 months is nothing, see it as a life tool you've collected and pop it in your tool box.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/12/2017 22:02

Flowers Don't do anything tonight. You've been running on adrenaline and must be shattered. Ignore his message, try and rest/sleep.

Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 22:03

Oh and there was a screenshot.

Motherwell91 · 06/12/2017 22:03

I know you have had some shit responses bit mumsnet really is a good support network. Sometimes it's easier to talk to an unbiased person

Gemini69 · 06/12/2017 22:04

listen... you talk this through as long as you need too.. what he has out you through today is not fecking acceptable in any scenario....

He has called time on your relationship within days of hearing She wants him back.... this is who He is... a Coward... no spine.. no backbone.. certainly not a man you could plan a trip to the Supermarket with .. never mind a future...

Treat him with the same Respect he treated you with today.. ZERO Flowers

Teensandfuture · 06/12/2017 22:05

Only a message at 21 33 no screenshot.
But ok I apologise just seem fast developing and dramatic, I'm not trollhunting and not into reporting.

JaneEyre70 · 06/12/2017 22:05

It's pretty shitty of his family to have covered his arse all day too. I don't think you'd be able to trust them again either, OP, thinking about the future.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 22:06

Teensandfuture you know what to do then, report the thread.

I expect there have been dozens of reports about it... and it's still here.

It's not very nice of you to question the truth of it on the thread. If you think it's made up then report. You look like a dick actually.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 22:06

Urgh. What an arsehole.

Women's intuition. I bloody well knew it. Wish I could bottle and sell this stuff.

Even if he's telling the truth and had some sort of breakdown, I really aren't in a position to play head doctor at the expense of my own mental health. Which is what it would be.

Iv been here before. It's like deja vu. I really really need to keep strong now.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 06/12/2017 22:06

MNHQ can remove images without deleting the text of a post Teens, seen it happen on other threads.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 22:07

x-posted with you Teensandfuture so I apologise.

Foodylicious · 06/12/2017 22:08

My goodness, what an awful, shitty day you have had. You must be exhausted.
I would turn up at his mum's early tomorrow with clean clothes.

  1. get to see if he is even there
  2. make it clear you are not sitting around for a few days 'waiting' on him and not letting him have control/power over you (iyswim).

Hope you can get some sleep x

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 22:08

I really really can't say enough how much this post has helped me. Whether it's because Iv been able to vent, or it's passed the day, or the amazing support Iv had. Honestly. It's been such a lifesaver and I'm so greatful.

OP posts:
Rhodes2015again · 06/12/2017 22:09

Also thinking of you OP.
Get some sleep now x

Hidingtonothing · 06/12/2017 22:10

OP I've been following all day but had nothing useful to add, just want to say you sound lovely and he is an utter twat. You're right you do need to stay strong because life is too short for this shit and you deserve a whole lot better Flowers

Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 22:10

I think it also depends on what platform you are using to read MN. It was still there about five minutes ago.

Anyway that's not important now, OP summarised in another message.

OP, take care of yourself, take it one step at a time, as others have said keep talking here if you need to, there is usually someone around Smile.

I am really sorry you are going through this Thanks.

Franklyyes · 06/12/2017 22:11

All I can say is within 6 months u have met a guy and moved in with him ... with your 12 year old son.
Your priority at last should be your son ... he didn't ask for this. Six months and moving in ????? Please don't make this mistake again and first stop and think what's good for your son