Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 21:50

So, as was suggested by some on here, you got together when he was on the rebound from his ex and now she's been back in touch he's lost it.

I wouldn't rule out a breakdown tbh but also I wouldn't call him a liar but I would question what the mother and SIL knew, because if they haven't contacted you then they know he's been there and have been keeping him there knowing you didn't know where he was.

It's too risky for him to have gone to see the ex and only just gone to the family. If you're on good terms with them then they would have told you he was there when you got in touch and they didn't. So I would imagine that his family are on side with him actually.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2017 21:51

Just dump him op, or yiur going to be ending up on an emotional roller coaster all the time.

BabyOrSanta · 06/12/2017 21:51

I'd text SIL saying that you've heard from him, he's fine and he's at his mum's... just to let them know so they can stop worrying...

If, however, they confirm that he's not been at his mum's that's by the by

Annelind · 06/12/2017 21:51

Couldn't see any screenshots, so going by comments. He's told you he's at his mums and is having a breakdown?

Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 21:52

Regardless of whose side the family is on it's really shitty behaviour.

It's all bout him Hmm sod him, he deserves zero respect in return.

Yeahsureokay · 06/12/2017 21:52

Wouldn't want this man as a role model to my son. What a way to treat any person, let alone someone you're in a relationship with! Lucky escape I say. But that's not helpful right now I know op.

I know it's raw and it hurts right now but you won't always feel this way. You're going to be alright. 2018 in a few weeks. Come on, start afresh and look forward to the future with your son and finding somebody who will actually treat you right.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:53

Certainly food for thought here. God. At least I feel a little bit more in control. Like now I can make decisions myself instead of helplessly waiting for answers. And I'm taking me god damn time too.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 06/12/2017 21:54

Lady... hard as this will be... I would not dignify this TWAT with any kind of response..... this DICK has been with her all day... he has betrayed you... his behaviour has been truly disgusting... and he is a disgraceful man to be anywhere near your beautiful son....

You must have some rest and get your head straight... do not reply to this cretin.... stay on here if you must.. and talk as much as you need too... try to stay positive for your own sanity and your DS's Flowers

butterfly56 · 06/12/2017 21:54

He obviously thinks he's got the upper hand here.

He actually thinks he has options her and is weighing them up over the next few days!
He thinks he can get you to do the "pick me dance".....so good for the selfish bastard's ego!
He's not sorry at all, he's just sorry you sussed him out before he could do the cheating behind your back without getting caught.

You deserve better than this miserable selfish git! Flowers Flowers

CFSantasDrankAllTheGin · 06/12/2017 21:54

Lying, Yep, but if that's the case I hope SIL was trying to get the spineless wanker to grow a backbone and speak to OP himself.

OP, you deserve so much more. Flowers

Tiredmumno1 · 06/12/2017 21:55

Exactly, you concentrate on you and your ds.

Head held high, you can do this without him Smile.

MiniTheMinx · 06/12/2017 21:55

He was hedging his bets this morning, he's hedging his bets this evening. And you are second choice. I'm sorry op, please don't settle for this treatment.

Regularsizedrudy · 06/12/2017 21:56

So he's made you wait all day and now he thinks he can string you along even longer? He's full of shit. He is a fucking coward. I would reply straight back and tell him his stuff is in the bin and don't ever contact me again. Get this parasite out of your life. Take the control back from him.

gingergenius · 06/12/2017 21:56

What.an.utter.twat.

Devendra · 06/12/2017 21:56

He sounds pathetic.. best all round if you get rid now...damage limitation. 6 months is such early days, there should be no drama at all this early in your relationship. Ex got in touch and he clearly isn't over her and I certainly wouldn't want that overshadowing my relationship. He is being rude and disrespectful by avoiding you...whatever the reason. When someone shows you who they are please believe them .

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 06/12/2017 21:56

And if he's hoping to make you do the 'pick me' dance, make sure he's thoroughly disabused of the idea.

LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 21:57

The family's response is relevant though in terms of that the OP said she had a good relationship with them.

Yet according to the OP this is a man who has already walked out on one relationship leaving his passport etc behind, has applied for another one and then done the same a year down the track, and when the OP has got in touch the family have said they don't know where he is.

So it's pretty obvious that the family knows something about this man which the OP doesn't.

Teensandfuture · 06/12/2017 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 06/12/2017 21:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 06/12/2017 21:58

x-post with butterfly

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 06/12/2017 21:58

What? I saw the screen shots?

magoria · 06/12/2017 21:58

Ahh so it is all your fault. He can't make you happy...

Notice how his ex or you are to blame. Not him?

The common link in all this?

Plus he is a lying sack of shit. You don't get all tarted up in your glad rags to visit your mum to clear your head.

He has been to see her or has been communicating with her.

feska5 · 06/12/2017 21:58

How dare he treat you like that. He sounds like a lying coward. You should maybe speak to his mum but she will probably cover for him. Do you have a good relationship with her? You have been so dignified and measured. I certainly would not answer his text. Let him stew and see how it feels. He’s had no consideration whatsoever for your feelings Take a deep breath. Try to sleep, you must be exhausted.

AmazingGrace16 · 06/12/2017 21:58

Op I'm thinking of you x

Bobbins43 · 06/12/2017 21:58

I saw screenshots too. And the OP has said previously that posting is helping her

Swipe left for the next trending thread