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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:27

I don't want it to end up on the daily mail that's all 😂

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 06/12/2017 21:28

I'm inclined to think that he was still at home when he took the call and said "for fucks sake" knowing you were on your way home, he rushed to leave...no coat, no passport etc. I think he panicked and left so he didn't have to face you. He has the key because although he doesn't usually think about keys (you usually get home first) he knows that he needs to get his stuff. Maybe if you hadn't rung and said you were going home you might have found he'd taken everything. He's on holiday, so he knows you expected to find him home. He said "hope you get well soon" this implies he won't know first hand if/when you get better. Very odd thing to say if he was going to be home, on holiday and there when you get home.

I'm sorry Carrot, as wild and absurd as it seems, I think your intuition is right. Hope you hear something soon.

loveablether · 06/12/2017 21:28

User do tabloids really do that? Would make me think twice about posting

cloudchasing · 06/12/2017 21:29

There's always that risk. If nothing is identifiable, you should be ok with regards to being recognised, but other than that...

numptyhumpty · 06/12/2017 21:29

I actually think you're safe from the daily mail here

They seem to pull threads that have disagreements over a particular ishoo whereas everyone here is agreeing you

Bobbins43 · 06/12/2017 21:29

What happened, OP?

becotide · 06/12/2017 21:30

nO, YOU DON'T WANT THE TEXTS SHOWING UP IN THE DAILY HATEMAIL

CremeFresh · 06/12/2017 21:31

He'd need to have a VERY good excuse as to why he's done this to you, personally (if the excuse doesn't hold water) I would never trust him again.

PeppaPigBaconButty · 06/12/2017 21:32

What's the update though

squiddled · 06/12/2017 21:32

I don't think the DM would be interested in this because it's too one sided and all in the OPs favour. If anything they might contact her for a sad face shot but I can't see them running the story otherwise

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:32

Iv tried to summarise it and I just can't so fuck it,

OP posts:
Letdownlover · 06/12/2017 21:32

Bet he was just out walking the dog Xmas Grin

user1471495191 · 06/12/2017 21:33

Yes! I read so many threads on here and then see them 'reported' on the mail online or one of the red top sites - and always stories like this eg. How someone catches a cheat, diagnoses a health condition etc - its the reason I no longer post under an identifiable name (along with being caught up in hackgate)

Carrot - I would suggest you just briefly summarise the outcome (if you want to) try to protect your anonymity for yourself and your sons benefit. So sorry you've been through this SadFlowers

Notsooriginalwerther · 06/12/2017 21:33

Op I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve gone through today, it’s the endless scenarios that play out your worst fears in these situations that are almost unbearable. I hope the update you received has answered some questions. Good luck Flowers

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KioskKeithForPresident · 06/12/2017 21:34

Carrot - I agree with PP - I would summarise rather than post screenshots if you want further advice or to rant.

RichmondAvenue · 06/12/2017 21:34

How is his mental health OP? Not at all suggesting he's done something silly but could he have suffered some sort of breakdown or crisis?

Bobbins43 · 06/12/2017 21:35

What?! He's feeling head fucked and he's gone to his Mum? Why couldn't he have said that before?! What total BS

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:35

Sorry Iv asked for deletion. Shouldn't have done that. I just didn't know what else to do

OP posts:
flutterby12 · 06/12/2017 21:35

Oh gosh it does sound like he may have had a breakdown. At least you know he's safe but he should've let you know where he was at least a lot earlier.

PeppaPigBaconButty · 06/12/2017 21:35

OP there's no picture.

AdalindSchade · 06/12/2017 21:35

I can't see the screenshot!! Sorry I'm nosy

Bobbins43 · 06/12/2017 21:35

Is that all he's said to you, OP?

DearMrDilkington · 06/12/2017 21:35

Are you ok?

OnionKnight · 06/12/2017 21:36

I can't see any screenshots.