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Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 06/12/2017 21:12

Flash, OP has already explained that they tend to leave the flat door open.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/12/2017 21:12

The other bastard surfaced in australia a few months after, facebooking his daughters (in their 20s) with pictures of him and his new life.

I hope they blocked the cowardly, cruel twat Nefertitty

tissuesosoft · 06/12/2017 21:14

OP, you don't have a joint bank account do you?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/12/2017 21:15

I hope that the ex that he seems to have gone off with does exactly the same thing to him again - starts shagging around and rubbing his face in it.

forgottenusername · 06/12/2017 21:15

what a shitty thing to do to someone :( Carrot I'm very impressed with your restraint in not calling and texting him. Hope you get some answers soon

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:15

No, no joint accounts. He was discussing opening a joint savings account tho, after we booked our holiday for next year. Fuck sake. What has even happened today.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 21:16

What I find quite sad is that he knew Carrot wasn't very well today so going home early. He hasn't rung to see if she's ok or needs anything. Just nothing.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:18

There was no question she wanted him back because he had moved on. She made that clear. Jealousy.

So if he's going back for that, the shine will soon wear off. I have no doubt that will fail and he'd be back in touch in a month or two being sorry.

And I hope I can tell him to fuck off.

That's if there back together. Speculation obviously. Had a lot of time to imagine these scenarios today tho.

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 06/12/2017 21:18

Nefertity my friend's DH has done this recently....after 20 years together he just didn't come home one day.

When he eventually resurfaced it was two months later and he had met and was moving in with some woman who has two small children.

My friend is in pieces...her teenage children are in pieces too. The idiot actually referred to these random children as "Your new sisters" to his son...who promptly told his Dad he was a twat.

user9217 · 06/12/2017 21:21

@Carrotgirl999 OMG this is just awful I'm so sorry for you. I think you're right in thinking there's not really an acceptable explanation for this that you can move forward from. Hand hold from me and I really hope things work out for you ThanksCakeWine

BewareOfDragons · 06/12/2017 21:22

I would change your lock first thing tomorrow.

So sorry, OP. What a shit he is to not even have the decency to let you know what's going on.

LemonShark · 06/12/2017 21:23

It's up to you obviously OP but i would avoid the diazepam. You must be desperate to sleep but if he comes back you want to be fully alert and not woozy or feeling out of sorts. Are you in sole care of your son? Maybe if you take it regularly and it doesn't affect you much then it's fine but if you just take the odd one be careful, they're strong stuff and I think with things being so fragile ATM you're better off being fully sober even though it hurts x

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:23

Well Iv got a fucking update

OP posts:
Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 21:24

Am I allowed to post pics of texts or is that inadvisable?

OP posts:
becotide · 06/12/2017 21:24

That man is an abject coward. I hope he catches hepatitis.

becotide · 06/12/2017 21:24

Yes just show us, unless it might be tricky legally for you

cloudchasing · 06/12/2017 21:25

I'm not sure OP. I suppose if there's no names? Hope you're ok Flowers

Mrskeats · 06/12/2017 21:25

You can block out the names I guess

Wallywobbles · 06/12/2017 21:25

People do post texts but scrub names first.

Kleptronic · 06/12/2017 21:25

As long as there's no identifying names etc. It should be ok.

flutterby12 · 06/12/2017 21:25

Edit the pic to block out any identifiable bits of info

Mulch · 06/12/2017 21:26

At think at this point any outcome isn't going to make you feel better

user1471495191 · 06/12/2017 21:26

Although screenshots might be appealing to tabloid vultures...I mean 'journalists'

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/12/2017 21:26

Good point tissuesosoft. If you have, take every penny out before he does.

And take the day off work tomorrow and get your locks changed. Bung all of his stuff into a black bag (including any thing that might spill or burst - aftershave, shower gel etc) and stick it where you can fling at him when he comes back for it.

You could also leave a FB message saying that if he wants to go, it's alright by you because he's not that much of a catch, but that you'd appreciate it if he'd had the courtesy to let you know - just out of manners.

It's amazing how many people seem to do this - at Christmas and birthdays. It's happened to me too - a birthday dumping. The lad who'd pursued me (and he really had) and wanted to marry me (allegedly), and who I was booked to go on holiday with, made arrangements to take me for a special birthday meal and then just didn't turn up. At first I was worried, then I was upset, then I became bloody furious!

I ran into his sister a few weeks later and told her what he had done - got a phone call that night shouting at me for telling her, because she had told his parents and they went down his neck!

You'll get through this - it will make you stronger. Look on it as a lesson learned.

hellofresh · 06/12/2017 21:27

No, don't post the pics. Internet is a strange place and once they are out there they are out there. Keep some anonymity.