Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
flutterby12 · 06/12/2017 20:03

Oh OP I hope you're ok. What a bastard. I can't imagine how you must be feeling x

PoorYorick · 06/12/2017 20:04

Oh OP I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. Nobody deserves it.

Take it one day at a time and don't worry about Christmas. It is just another day and it sucks for many people for many reasons.

You WILL reach the good-riddance stage but obviously it will take time. Just keep repeating to yourself that it is NOT YOUR FAULT and NOT YOUR FAILING. He's an absolute craven coward and until he's able to own his own feelings and actions, he'll never be truly happy.

TheMamaYo · 06/12/2017 20:05

Just on the off chance, have you called the police?

Cheekypenguin · 06/12/2017 20:06

Flowers keep strong Op

Bobbins43 · 06/12/2017 20:06

Fuck, I am AMAZED at the number of people who do this! A friend of mine did this to me when I was 17 and it destroyed me. I didn't realise that people in romantic relationships did it too. How do they live with themselves?

Mxyzptlk · 06/12/2017 20:09

Bobbins, someone who does this is thinking only of themselves and not of behaving decently to another person.

Sophieelmer · 06/12/2017 20:09

Wow

orangeapplepearplum · 06/12/2017 20:10

At first I really thought he was just a massive twat with absolutely 0 human decency. Now I'm starting to worry something is wrong and there is a genuine reason 😖

LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 20:12

A while ago I was rushed into hospital. The ambulance left my house at around 4 PM and I gave my NOK details to the ambulance crew. I was rushed to a large hospital and by the time I arrived I was unconscious and placed on life support.

The only way my family were able to track me down was because my teenager tracked my phone on find my friends and found me that way. At that point my family were able to ring the hospital but it took some hours to track me down and then it was only from my details I had given to the ambulance crew.

Had I not given my details to the ambulance crew and had my teenager not tracked my phone who knows how long it would have been before I was identified.

This man isn't carrying ID as he has left his passport behind and according to the OP he doesn't drive.

The hospital wouldn't know to speak to the OP as she is not his next of kin. Added to which the OP's brother is in hospital elsewhere so his family may not even be contactable even if a hospital had tracked them down.

If he'd had a heart attack or a stroke, been hit by a car, ended up in hospital by any other means it's possible the hospital wouldn't even know who he is. And the police won't report missing for 48 hours, and again, the OP is not his next of kin.

sunshine75 · 06/12/2017 20:15

How awful. You deserve so much better,

fc301 · 06/12/2017 20:15

.

ItWentInMyEye · 06/12/2017 20:16

I feel for you Thanks

captainjacksparrow · 06/12/2017 20:16

Confused I'm with lover on this. There are some massive leaps being made here about what's happened. I haven't spoken to dp since he left for work this morning at no point have I assumed he has left me and won't be coming back

I also agree the freedom project would be a good move for you

Mxyzptlk · 06/12/2017 20:16

Just a side note : Next of Kin can be anyone you want it to be. It doesn't have to be an actual relative.

YBR · 06/12/2017 20:17

It is still possible that there is an explanation like loverofcake's.
Tomorrow morning, if you have no further information, do the sensible thing and report him as a missing person.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 06/12/2017 20:17

So sorry you're having to deal with this op. Really shitty thing he's done

nancy75 · 06/12/2017 20:18

He may well have done a bunk, but the op was convinced he had upped & left her when he had only been out for a couple of hours, seems a bit strange to me.
The not having a coat is a bit of a red herring, unless the ex girlfriend lives next door he would have needed a coat to go see her just as much as he would have needed it to go anywhere else.

CurlyRover · 06/12/2017 20:19

At the risk of being insensitive and derailing the thread. Mxyzptlk - how do you change your NOK? I thought it was always parents and then spouse?

Ironmanrocks · 06/12/2017 20:20

I would def call police and report him as a missing person if he's gone for any length of time. If he has had an accident, he gets found. If he's left you and they track him, he'll get a bollocking from the police. win win...

Sparklesdontshine · 06/12/2017 20:21

Is the flat yours, so he moved in with You? Or will you have to leave?

Nelly1727 · 06/12/2017 20:21

At this point I would be worried if anything had happened to him.

mikeyssister · 06/12/2017 20:22

SammySays · 06/12/2017 20:23

I hope you get answers soon OP

letmepeeinpeace · 06/12/2017 20:25

..

BringMeSunshinePlease · 06/12/2017 20:26

I had this happen to me on 2nd December years ago. My partner of a year upped and left without telling me. He waited until I went to work and did a flit taking everything he owned in his car. It was the worst feeling of my entire life. I still wonder if I ever really got over it properly. I feel for you and hope you are treated better than I was xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread