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Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
Mamabear4180 · 06/12/2017 19:13

I'd change the locks then just send him a message later saying if he wants his stuff he will need to wait until you're in as you don't feel like you can trust him alone in your house.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:13

It doesn't matter if she/he goes through my old threads tbf.

I might be guilty of making bad choices but that's all, and if she wants to judge be my guest.

And some of the things have been right, I didn't know him well, clearly, I do need to learn a lesson.

Doesn't stop it from feeling so raw and painful right now tho so il take it with a pinch of salt.

OP posts:
gingergenius · 06/12/2017 19:14

What a bastard OP.

hesterton · 06/12/2017 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaLaLady2 · 06/12/2017 19:14

As a couple of posters have suggested, has he gone to visit his twin in hospital? You don't seem to have considered the possibility. Would explain no coat and no contact (phone needs to be off?) Has there been an ' unexpected' with his twin in hospital? Have you contacted another family member to as how 'twin' is doing? Least you could rule that out if you find he is safe and back at home.

nancy75 · 06/12/2017 19:15

Sorry but do you even know he’s gone to meet the ex? He could have met up with a mate & gone out in a bender, or just felt like he needed a day away from constant calls & messages ( Sorry op but it sounds like you call / message a lot)

Allabitmuchisntit · 06/12/2017 19:16

Seems loverofcake has lead a faultless life.

How excruciatingly dull.

Rachie1986 · 06/12/2017 19:17

:-( sorry things aren't going well OP. Hope you get some answers tonight at least x

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:18

Iv been speaking to twins wife, if he's there and Iv overreacted il know soon enough, and il certainly be sure I apologise and potentially see a bloody counsellor if my instincts are so miswired.

He isn't tho. It's 50 miles away on public transport. He'd have taken a coat. And although I clearly don't know him, he would've said when I called him this morning 'I'm off to see bro im hospital, il be home tonight, a neighbour will have to let you in'

OP posts:
LazyDailyMailJournos · 06/12/2017 19:21

So sorry OP but I think you're right. Your gut's telling you he's disappeared and IME if your spidey senses are telling you that something's up then it's usually right.

Huskylover1 · 06/12/2017 19:21

He may have gone to see her.

I wanted to share my almost identical experience, to give you some hope.

I got together with my first husband in the July (many moons ago). We went to a New Years Eve Party with friends, so had been dating 6 months by then. His Ex of 2 years was there. She fawned all over him and he pushed her away. I felt confident at that point.

This was pre-mobile phones, so no texting going on. Anyway, we left the party, went back to his (he lived with his parents) and a few minutes after we sat down, he stood up and announced he had to see her. And he left me there, sitting alone, in his parents house when he buggered off to hers!

I've no idea why I didn't just walk home. But I sat there, waiting on him returning. He was away an hour or so. Shortly after he got back, his parents got back from wherever they had been, and his Mum ran me home.

I can still remember, sitting in the back of the car, with my party hat still on, feeling totally numb. The next morning, he came to my home, said he had thought over things all night, and he wanted to be with me. We were together for 20 years after that.

I also know other people, who have had similar "blips"

Long story short, he may be having a wobble / needing closure. It does not have to spell the end.

NinonDeLenclos · 06/12/2017 19:22

I've no idea what's going on but I need to know what happens.

I hope for your sake he's just gone AWOL for a day OP.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:25

I can deal with a wobble. It was almost inevitable, after 8 years to walk away and never even talk it over, I'd fully support that to be honest. Iv been there.

It's the lack of communication, and blatant disregard for my feelings that's going to be the issue here. And the lies, if there have been any, although I suppose if you say nothing at all your not lying, great defense.

I don't see this ending well.

OP posts:
gingergenius · 06/12/2017 19:26

Had a similar ting a few years ago. Whirlwind romance and early declarations of love. Went awol one day and it turned out he'd fallen into bed with his ex. Dumped me by Facebook message! Hope that isn't the case for you but I know exactly what you're feeling.

JustAnIdiot · 06/12/2017 19:27

Not knowing is always the worst Sad

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:27

Ginger. I think it's inevitable now. Or even worse, being dumped, by his brother, through Facebook message. Great.

OP posts:
RichmondAvenue · 06/12/2017 19:31

Lover of cake clearly has too much time on her hands ffs.

6demandingchildren · 06/12/2017 19:31

I don't get why some are not being supportive, the op is here for support.
I just hope he is getting his head straight.
I married my husband after knowing him for 7 months we have been married for over 21 years .

Doublemint · 06/12/2017 19:32

Fucking hell I started reading his earlier- can't believe he still hasn't shown his face or at least messaged you!

I would dump his stuff in the hallway OP

tissuesosoft · 06/12/2017 19:34

OP, if you are sure this relationship isn't one you wish to continue (regardless of the reason he has disappeared) then don't wait for him to end things, take that control for yourself Flowers

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:34

If he's not home tonight, his stuff will be packed. Guaranteed. Unless there's a very good fucking explanation. Which there isn't.

OP posts:
HitManHitMan · 06/12/2017 19:34

Well if he's gone back to his ex then you're well rid. Not that that helps you right now. I hope you get some answers ASAP!

Nannyplumssillyoldelf · 06/12/2017 19:35

I really feel for you Carrot. It's the not knowing. It would drive me mad.

Steeley113 · 06/12/2017 19:35

Oh my goodness. I can’t believe he’s doing this to you. If he doesn’t come home tonight, his things should be packed and left in the hall way! You deserve better x

mswater · 06/12/2017 19:36

God I'm so sorry! Been reading since earlier too.

I'm waiting for someone with whom I have a deep and yet tangled friendship (relationship) to get in touch, but it's only been a day and it's nothing like the situation you're in (and I'm going around the bend!), so I can't imagine what you're going through. Sending courage and strength xxx