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Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:59

I don't really know why people think it's weird.

I think it's bloody weird. I really didn't see this coming in a million years.

The reason it's so confusing is that his passport/phone charger is here and he's taken a key. Otherwise it's clear as day he's gone if he'd taken stuff and I wouldn't need to ask advice or whatever.

OP posts:
walnutwhip88 · 06/12/2017 18:59

Change the locks and block HIS number from your phone, and sell all his stuff on ebay!

GeekyWombat · 06/12/2017 18:59

He could yet come back

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/12/2017 19:00

Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, it takes seconds to drop someone a text. And he hasn't. Because he doesn't want to. And THAT is the problem.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:01

Of course not inconceivable for you to think that. But my son is 12. Old enough to take care of himself for a couple of hours on an afternoon now. Yes I wrote that in present tense as it was easier to explain. Didn't expect my shift pattern and childcare plans to have any bearing on any future post. I was just trying to be helpful then. Not that it matters as none of it changes my current dilemma.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 06/12/2017 19:01

Op hope you are ok - have some dinner and go to bed early x

TheWickerWoman · 06/12/2017 19:03

I think he’d already gone when you rang, which is why he said for fuck sake. Perhaps he was planning to see her during your day at work, get back before you and you’d know nothing of it.

So because you came back early youve rumbled his game and he’s scared to face you.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:04

Wicker, I think that's EXACTLY what's happened x

OP posts:
CharisMama · 06/12/2017 19:04

Hope you get a clue what's going on soon OP.

The torture is not knowing and that can happen to women who've been married ten years so ignore the sanctimony.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 19:05

Carrot, a practical matter... if you have no keys, what will you do tomorrow when you go to work/son goes to school? How will you get into your flat?

I think I would get the locks changed so that you have keys. If and when your partner comes home you can give him a key if you decided to (I don't think I would).

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:06

What I don't know now is if he went to meet her and is now scared to face the music, or he went to meet her and is having second thoughts/is confused OR they decided to be together and he genuinely isn't giving me a second thought. Either way it fucking sucks.

OP posts:
CharisMama · 06/12/2017 19:07

Loverofcake, cease and desist, cease and desist.

Good God. What point are you trying to score?

RaeSkywalker · 06/12/2017 19:07

Really feel for you OP. If this was DH, i’d Be worried sick and certain that something awful had happened to him. The fact that you’ve assumed he’s off seeing his ex probably speaks volumes.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:07

Iv booked a holiday day tomorrow so il be here for my son.

My dad seems to think he will come for his things thinking I'm at work, I have doubts but il be prepared either way.

Then il deal with Friday closer to the time. One step at a time here.

OP posts:
CharisMama · 06/12/2017 19:08

Can you and your son go and spend the night at your mum's so you're not spending every minute on edge waiting ..

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 19:09

Your mum didn't stay with you long. Have you got someone else who will keep you company? Where is your son?

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:09

I think if I went tonight I'd be wondering all night if he had come home.

And tbh I don't want to give him the opportunity to come and clear his stuff out without having to face me if that's what he chooses.

Tomorrow night might be different tho, I may need their support a little more by then depending x

OP posts:
Allabitmuchisntit · 06/12/2017 19:10

What a selfish, self serving twat he is.
Whatever he's doing, knowingly leaving you locked out is unforgivable in itself!
Be kind to yourself tonight op. I know that feeling of being left in the dark, that limbo.
It's the worst. Do you have to go to work tomorrow?

Greedynan · 06/12/2017 19:10

Just a thought - have you checked with his family/friends? He could've been hurt somehow, he could be in hospital? Somebody else may have suggested that already. I've not had time the trey, sorry. Hope you get some clarity very soon op xx

Belleoftheball8 · 06/12/2017 19:10

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Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 19:11

I will get an answer tonight. From his brother most likely. If he's not coming back then he will tell me. His SIL is being very supportive at the moment so I know they will let me know as soon as they do. Don't know if brother is home yet but he will be at some point tonight and then il know. He doesn't keep anything from his twin.

OP posts:
HildasStockings · 06/12/2017 19:11

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Allabitmuchisntit · 06/12/2017 19:12

Sorry just read you've got the day off. Good.

LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 19:12

OP has a key though it's the building she was unable to get into earlier. So while changing the keys to the flat would be adviseable she obviously wouln't be able to change the key to the building.

But all she'd need to do for tomorrow would be for her DS to give his key to her to the building

TheWickerWoman · 06/12/2017 19:12

I just hope you get some answers tonight cos it’s not nice being left hanging like this. X