Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
nibora · 06/12/2017 18:40

Bluntness is not a troll, she's a bit blunt though at times.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:40

It's just bloody horrible. I don't even know how to feel. Stuck in bloody limbo. It's been such a long bloody day. I guess tomorrow will be easier as if he's not come home at all by then I can safely say I know where I stand.

OP posts:
Cabininthewoods69 · 06/12/2017 18:41

This is awful. I want to send support and calm to you. I feel for you. Try to calm yourself maybe a bit of soft music and lie down with the lights dim. Sorry this sounds very hippy but I find it helps. Sometimes silence helps. We all need to make mistakes to grow as people, if been greedy and made more then my fair share but it doesn't make me a bad person. It does enable me to support others and that in turn makes me feel good. Hand hold. Xx

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 06/12/2017 18:42

Handhold from me.....x

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 06/12/2017 18:42

Does he have whatsapp? Maybe you can see when he was last online?

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:42

Zaphod iv no idea if she cheated or not. His story is he came home from work, she was out, he called her, she was at another mans house. He got in a taxi and didn't look back.

I do know she is with that man now, although unhappy by the sounds of it.

OP posts:
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:43

He does have WhatsApp. He messaged me at 8.30 this morning, I replied at 9. It wouldn't deliver. I then deleted the chat to stop myself obsessing over whether he had got them as either his phone was off or he has blocked me. Either way the result is the same. X

OP posts:
TheHeartOfTeFiti · 06/12/2017 18:46

You’ve been together six months your living together and he’s only a year out of a long term relationship! What were you thinking?!

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:47

Yeah. I know.

OP posts:
Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:48

Looks as tho I'm paying the price for that mistake now tho. Painfully, might I add.

OP posts:
LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RichmondAvenue · 06/12/2017 18:50

Thinking of you carrot. Such a shit situation. Could he be visiting his brother?

Bumdishcloths · 06/12/2017 18:52

Innit @LoverOfCake I totally agree

So bizarre. I'm all for being paranoid but this takes the bloody Biscuit

TheWickerWoman · 06/12/2017 18:52

THe is crazy, surely he’s got to come back at some point if only for his stuff. What the fuck is he playing at?!

Is she still with this other fella? If so how could they get together with him still on the scene?

I’ve got a feeling he may reappear after a big panic about what he’s done with a ridiculous excuse.

I really feel for you, OP. Unless he’s had some major accident, there is no excuse for this.

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/12/2017 18:52

See, I'm beginning to think his story is a pile of pooh, sorry Carrot. It sounds a bit full of holes to me (did she just tell him she was at another man's house? How could he tell over the phone?). Sorry to obsess over it, but I'm not sure he told the truth - and that there might have been something else at the bottom of his leaving, which has now recurred, with you.

Really, really feel for you. You must be going through hell, but it does seem that this man has 'ishoos', and you're better off away from it all.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:52

Lover I worked nights years ago, that post was advising how we did childcare when I had a YOUNG child. Which was split care with my then husband. I was advising on how I managed to work and juggle childcare. Years ago. My sons old enough now and I work different hours I was just telling the OP how I'd done things. Before my life turned to shit.

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 06/12/2017 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:55

Iv only got his word to go on, regarding the ex story. You might be right.

Either way, he's being cowardly and I'm waiting for what? I don't even
Know now. Either way he's disrespecting me. Either way I won't sleep much tonight.

This is fucking shit.

OP posts:
OtterInDisgrace · 06/12/2017 18:55

I think even if he does eventually contact you and it all turns out to be OK you should at the very least be extremely pissed off with him for being so ignorant and inconsiderate today.

Tissunnyupnorth · 06/12/2017 18:56

Hope you have news soon, must be awful waiting.

Worldsworstcook · 06/12/2017 18:57

Lover of cake

Back off. She looking for support and advice, not a stick and ragging. Show some compassion or move on!!

OtterInDisgrace · 06/12/2017 18:58

Cross post, carrot. Yes he most certainly is disrespecting you.

passemoilevin · 06/12/2017 18:58

Some people are fucking disgusting, putting the boot in when the OP is obviously really upset. Who sits in on a Wednesday evening posting this shit to make others sad? What does it achieve? She can't take back deciding to live with him after 6 months ffs!

SammySays · 06/12/2017 18:58

Maybe you should try calling again. Maybe he popped to the shop expecting to be back before you but something terrible happened. It is very odd and your intuition is probably right but you never know.

LoverOfCake · 06/12/2017 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.