Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
TheObserverOne · 06/12/2017 18:09

Thinking of you OP

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 06/12/2017 18:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

CatsCatsCats11 · 06/12/2017 18:13

That's so cruel, I would leave him. I wouldn't be able to trust him again, have my first LTB.

toastyarmadillo · 06/12/2017 18:15

Any news?

BewareOfDragons · 06/12/2017 18:16

I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I'm so sorry, OP. I'm glad your mum is with you now.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 18:18

So on the 31 Oct you posted op, 6 months ago I left a relationship similar to this and now you’re six months into another one. So met this guy pretty much straight after you left your long term abusive relationship and now this man is living with you and your kid?

Hmm
feral · 06/12/2017 18:19

With you all the way here OP. What a horrid situation you're in.

notapizzaeater · 06/12/2017 18:19

Has his mum said anything ? How upset was he about his mArriage breakdown, tbh if he walked away 8 yrs ago because she had an affair I can’t imagine him going back.

nakedscientist · 06/12/2017 18:20

FWIW I met a man, moved in with him in 3 months had a child .....still with him 23 years later. X

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 18:26

FWIW I met a man, moved in with him in 3 months had a child .....still with him 23 years later

Were you just put a very abusive relationship, have a child, and suspect when he didn’t answer the phone he was rhe type to simoly leave. All his stuff and never come back too?

I guess so or it wouldn’t be relevant.

inthenameotheweeman · 06/12/2017 18:27

Naked you already had a child or you had one with him after meeting?

Trafficjammadness · 06/12/2017 18:27

Hope you're ok op

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:27

Thank you all for the hand holding. I really do need it. Feel fucking awful.

My mums gone, Iv heard nothing. Last time I spoke to him was 9.30, was home for 10.30 to a locked door and a switched off phone.

I think if I get any answers tonight it'll be from his brother when he's home from his op. If anyone will have heard from him it will be him. Guess I need to brace myself for the inevitable. X

OP posts:
Auspiciouspanda · 06/12/2017 18:27

If you didn't have your keys and was locked out how did you get into your flat?

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:29

The neighbour buzzed me into the communal door, flat door was open. After standing like a dick buzzing my own flat for ten minutes when it was empty.

OP posts:
mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 06/12/2017 18:30

I'm not sure you really knew the real him. To do this is callous. Any normal person would have too much empathy to ghost you like this. I think he showed you the face of the person you wanted him to be. Sounds like a lucky escape. Psychopaths idolise, devalue and discard. Does this sound familiar to your relationship?

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 18:32

I really think I didn't know him at all.

Yes, minus the devalue part, just everything being really really fucking good, to hmm he's a bit quiet this weekend but he said nothing to worry about, to gone. Even this morning was relatively normal.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 18:33

Guess I need to brace myself for the inevitable

Yes. I guess we all do.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/12/2017 18:33

Notapizzaeater He left his exP after an 8 year relationship. Not 8 years ago.

Whatsinanameanyway201 · 06/12/2017 18:34

Anyone else think blunt is a troll?! Unless you have anything productive to offer, do one.

DearMrDilkington · 06/12/2017 18:36

Grin bluntness is definitely not a troll.

ElephantsandTigers · 06/12/2017 18:36

Carrotgirl999, I'm so sorry. I really hope this isn't how it looks and that you can get your own kind of answers about what has gone on.

Your thread has reminded me of what happened with my then fiancé when I was around 22. I worked abroad and when I came back he was away in the army. I can't even recall what happened but he just stopped calling. No mobiles then. Neither of us finished it either in person or on the phone. I'm finding it bewildering that I just can't recall anything. I really hope you aren't left wondering and you move on stronger. Take care.

help1978 · 06/12/2017 18:39

So sorry this is such a mindfuck. Prepare for every eventuality. I know you’re a stranger but I’m rooting for you x take care x

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2017 18:40

I think bluntness is erm well blunt!

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/12/2017 18:40

I still want to know whether the ex actually had cheated. He left because he heard she cheated...from whom? And he took their word for it?

Swipe left for the next trending thread