Ex is threatening to kill himself if I stay in new relationship

[NoPhelange]

Pretty much what the subject says. Me and ex split after 12 years and 2 children together in January. He moved out and abroad for work in August, returned 2 months later and is living between his mum's and sisters house. He had access to our children each weekend, and sometimes saw them after school through the week once or twice. I am in a new relationship now, have been since May. My new partner is known to him, however not a friend or related. Since he came back from working abroad, I have been subject to o constant harassment from my ex as to why I should leave him. Telling me rumours about him, who has slept with before with me and insinuating contact is ongoing - it isn't. It's all to cast doubt. It has gotten so bad that my partner near had a mental breakdown last week and we had to get away with the kids for a few days to his parents to get some distance.

I have blocked ex, but he always manages to find a way to make contact. When it became clear to him that I wasn't listening to his gossip, he started with death threats. Turned up to my house one night when partner was in work to say a final goodbye, with a car full of ibuprofen and paracetamol. I tried to get him help, he told me if I called an ambulance as soon as he got out he would kill himself in front of me.

Now the stress of this has very nearly split me and my partner up a few times, as his ex is also being a bit of a twat. I'm downplaying it to keep it brief, but to say it has been intense is an understatement.

Now my ex is saying he can no longer have access to the kids overnight as he can't bear to hear them telling him happy things of what we've all done together. And is now adamant that he will indeed kill himself this weekend if I choose to stay with my partner, as he can't bear to have him bringing up his kids. Even though he instigated the split, and left them to move abroad for what was going to be 2 years.

What the hell do I do here? How do I handle this? Obviously it'd break my heart for anyone to kill themselves because of my choices, but I also can't have him controlling my life anymore as he has done since we got together 12 years ago. He was very emotionally abusive, and is still doing his utmost to carry that on it seems.

Is there anything I can do? Any sort of cease and desist or injunction I can get assuming he won't go ahead with killing himself to stop the constant harassment about my partner? I don't wish harm on the man, but I don't wish to speak to him about matters that don't involve our children but he just can't help himself. I'm actually scared of him and his desperation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :(

SS need to be involved to protect the children AND the op from the actions of her exh.

Op you need to contact the police, tell them he is stalking you T your mum's house and contacting you via text and phone. If your mum's address is not on the no contact order, it needs adding.

Why the actual fuck are you engaging in conversation with him?

I don't know what sort of no contact order you have in place, but it needs beefing up because he is ignoring it (and so are you, which is frankly like saying 'oh I didn't mean it, keep harassing me, because that will break my new partner and I up which is what you want).

You need to get in front of the judge and demand a 500m no contact zone around you and the children, your house, your place of work, your mum's house, and anywhere else that the children routinely are. I wouldn't be leaving the kids with anyone else, at all. Please make sure that school are aware that their father is no longer allowed to collect them, and he is not to be contacted in the event of an emergency, nor to be allowed access to them. Because of a legal order.

Get SS on board as quickly as possible. Your children are at risk from their father.

All of these legal orders need to be shored up and stuck to, and you should not be in contact with him at all, and should be reporting breaches of the no contact order immediately to the police.

Hey. I haven’t even bothered reading the thread. I don’t need to. Emotional blackmail is simply unacceptable.

Tell him you’ll go to the funeral. Might even place some flowers there. Then tell him to do whatever he wants. He’s a free agent. Bye!

I had SS involved during the aftermath of leaving my children’s father because he had been abusive towards me and in turn our children.

As things became calmer, my parenting was proven to be just fine and the reports for court were done, support and counselling sorted for my eldest and contact orders set up social worker started backing off. She then closed the case once I’d shown I was more than capable of taking care of my children and keeping them safe. If ex starts being an abusive dick again (his court ordered contact is now unsupervised) social services will once again step in.

Don’t fear them OP will you? I did at first but I did learn to trust them soon enough. We were on the same side which was my children’s. You get shit ones and you get good ones though like in any profession.

What do you say to social service?

He’s a danger to himself and not safe to have the children unsupervised. You have no choice but to withdraw access at this time. Let them advise you.

Stop letting him suck you into this soapdrama of his.

Block him, refuse to allow contact due to his instability and don’t engage

Your kids are at extreme risk, you are too. This “despair” will turn to anger. That’s how they work, the cycling, it’s designed to quickly find the tactic that works to make you do what he wants.

He’s a danger to your kids.

Cut him out of your lives, use the cease and desist order in the way it needs to be used. If you’re allowing contact, you’re undermining the protection the police can give you.

And yes, you need SS support to help back you up if it goes to court.

Play this by the book and protect your kids

Give him an email adress for communication about the kids. Get a third party to check those emails and relay only the practical details regarding them. Nothing else. Block him on phone/social media and call the police every time he turns up.

He is NOT your problem any more. There are emergency services and family he can turn to. And frankly, if he really wants to do it, he will do it regardless of your actions. You can't fix this. Please, protect yourself.

AS others have said block contact..If he is banging on your door call police.

I don't think SS will be interested at this point as you are safeguarding the children by not having contact...However your parenting will be questioned if you allow them to go at this point in time.

Any response from you to any message, contacting family members he know he still has you hooked in and that is what he wants.

I agree with poster who said police have done there bit you need to do yours

To paraphrase Clint Eastwood, ' go ahead, make my day'. No way should you be abused like this. It might give him the rocket he so obviously needs.

OP - he's actually done you a favour by being so 'unstable' and drama-llama. The police are now aware and involved, and that will affect his case re child access. If he is a suicidal nutter, they will not allow unsupervised access!

And I've said this before on threads with a violent, abusive and controlling Bastard who 'threatens suicide' - the answer is 'Oh would you? THanks! That would be so great!' IF they go ahead, it's one problem off your back - no more abusive violent twat.

But they won't. How can he continue his controlling abuse if he's dead? He is just threatening to because he knows it hurts you to think of him being suicidal.

(apols to the poster whose H killed himself - but presumably he was no abusive or controlling otherwise he wouldn't have done it. )

He sounds truly horrible. I wouldn't trust him with kids as who knows what is going in his mind. Please protect your children and don't leave them with him as jealousy is selfish.

Just read the whole thread. Well-done Op for contacting the police. I would still not allow him to see the children unless it's under supervision of a policeman. He is just dangerous and one split second and you never know what can happen. He needs some (lots of) treatment first.

Don't engage any further with your ex of coming up to almost a year now! He is purposely interfering with your new life trying to control any chance you have to be happy with new partner.
It is your exs responsibility to fix his own mental health he is an adult and a parent. He needs to approach the appropriate services and seek help on his own.
Change all forms of contact now and until his MH is firmly under control no unsupervised contact with kids. Protect them from this by distancing yourself from him.
Do not respond to further threats of suicide, your ex is looking to see if you'll drop everything for him! stop doing that. He is not your dc/son.
Firmly state to him you will no longer risk your own or the DCs wellbeing if he is refusing to seek treatment for his ongoing MH issues and that any further contact will be ignored to protect your family unit.

My ex threatened this (I haven't read the full

Sorry. .. my ex threatened suicide. I haven't read the full thread. The police sectioned him. After this, he called the contact centre, wanting to see the children. I declined, saying that whether he was actually suicidal or just being manipulative, it wasn't right for the children to be exposed to him in that state.

The kids haven't seen him in two years now, and I still have a non molestation order in place. Our lives are much safer, happier and more peaceful.

Stay strong, op. You will get through this.

Some posters seem to think SS are only interested in criticising parents and that any parent who is doing the right thing shouldn't have SS involvement. But SS can also be the people who have your back, who stand up for you in court, who confirm that yes, we do know of this case and things are just as bad as this woman says.

And "you'll never see the end of them" is a wild exaggeration in that kind of case: we have had SS involvement on several occasions due to issues other than faults with main carer and they have always been happy to pull out when no longer needed.

We have had both good and bad experiences with social services. The first sw that came said I was acting protectively by leaving ex-dh and not letting him see the children. She only came once. The second found that the malicious anonymous complaint made about me was most likely only ex-dh continuing his abuse. She said there was no problem with my parenting. The third social worker decided there was probably no smoke without fire, and manufactured 'evidence' so that she put my kids on a child in need plan. The whole thing was a complete nightmare, incredibly stressful, and I'm still in the process of making a complaint.

Having social workers involved is a huge risk. Most are lovely, but there are some who are unprofessional, and it's hard to prove then that you are coping well with your family. I lived in fear of having my children taken from me, because I didn't know what the social worker was going to make up next. Fortunately, the child in need team were lovely, and closed the case as quickly as possible.

You really do need to stop engaging with him.

That means ignoring texts. Every time.

If you are refusing contact between him and the children, and you have a non molestation order in place, there is no role for Social Services.

Sorry, I wasn't clear earlier on how he had made contact after blocking him. He's somewhat a collector of online accounts that I don't even know of so I'm having to block as I go. I replied about the kids at my mums simply because he was going to turn up at my house if I continued to ignore. I replied when he told me he'd taken the pills to say thank you I'll let the police know.

He always finds a way to get through. I've had no more contact since him begging me for forgiveness the morning after his 'finale'.

The police also told me that he hasn't actually according to their log been issued with a no contact order yet, they got him to attend his local station the day I reported
and basically did a quick welfare check and released him. The officer in charge said they're issuing him with a something harassment warning first once they have seen me on Tuesday and then if he breaches that he will be questioned under caution and then they will bring out the big guns. I don't know why I was promised the world when I first called them.

I'm going to be doing my statement tonight, and adding in the screenshots of that night. He's done nothing but strengthen my case towards him which I'm very grateful for idiot. I'm reluctant to formally involve SS, my sister is a social worker albeit adult mental health, and her advice was basically as long as I am safeguarding my children by allowing no unsupervised access then there's not much else they can do. And I won't be allowing that. In time when he recovers, if he does, access will be supervised via a third party of my choice and he can take it or leave it.

Thank you all for replying, good to know everyone else thinks he's as dangerous as I do but have been to scared to admit.

My kids Dad threatens this to. It is horrible. Sorry no advice as haven't dealt with my own. for you op x