My fiance been lying to me about watching porn

[Evelyn29]

So i have just found out my bf has lied to me over watching porn. I'm kind of upset and confused as to why he watches it? We have a healthy sex life. Although latley he has wanted to try new things in the bedroom..im thinking he's getting ideas from the porn? Also it makes me feel self conscience about myself. I'm a slim girl size 8 blonde hair I wear sexy lingerie for him all the time I send sexy photos and videos when he is on work to keep it spicy. So am i not enough? I just don't understand why he watches it? Id undertand if we never had sex but we do everyday. Am I right to be upset or is this normal for men to do? confused

why not imagine someone?

bring I totally agree with you and I also believe the life of an animal to be equal to that of a human. Just my view.

Urgh, the thicky porn-users who think the life of a woman is equal to the life of a pig.

Haha love being called thick by a random on mumsnet. I'd better just tear up the medical degree I have then and join the remaining 75% of the world's thick population who watch porn

Watch out for spiders. We are all one.

I have no need to look at porn to get aroused. Are you saying that if porn didn't exist people would be unable to masturbate effectively?

As for why imagine a naked person when you can look at one... so many reasons, all of which have been repeated as nauseum in this thread. But if you want to prioritise a marginally more satisfying wank over the physical and mental wellbeing of other human beings, that's your issue.

"ut you simply cannot tar everyone in the industry or who watches porn with the same brush"
Why not? A tiny minority of
porn is ethical.And most people can't tell the difference. And if you o by this thread, most users don't
care. Which is depressing.

Blimey, this thread has some pretty pathetic impressive attempts to deflect from the issues at hand.

You know only too well the damage that porn does, to performers, to society and to women. You just don't give a shit. That's your business. How the hell you can lose yourself in and get aroused by footage of someone when you have no idea whether they want to be doing it, whether they're suffering physically or mentally, whether they're there because they want to be or not, whether they're trafficked, whether they're reliant on drugs to get through each day... it says a lot about you, to be honest.

There are huge numbers of accounts from actresses who've admitted outright that it's impossible to be happy with everything they do even if that's the line they stick to, that if they want to work they have to do what they're told, that having unexpected things thrown at them on set and they have little choice but to comply, that they frequently have to sign contracts saying that they can't pursue the production company in case of any physical injury they experience, that their lists of things they won't do and people they won't work with are frequently violated on set, and a whole host of other issues.

Then there's the fact that someone here admitted watching porn regularly at 14, but cannot see the harm in that. Someone else can't orgasm without it. A few people have admitted they don't give a shit if people suffer for it. Others insist it's completely harmless as that's the only way they can still enjoy it.

But yeah, totally harmless pastime. Sickening.

rolls eyes

And with your medical degree I am a bit surprised you seem to know so little about it.......

It's like talking to a brick wall on these threads. I agreed with you that bad stuff happens in the industry. Of course it does. But I simply won't be told that I'm facilitating abuse by watching careful chosen porn that I know for a fact is ethically made. Me watching it is harming no one

It would be harming your brain in the same way as any other indoctrination videos would (violence or religious) it would desensitize you to others.

I've downed 2 glasses of wine reading this thread. And learnt a lot too. Some very interesting points.

You know for a fact it's ethically made? Also bollocks. You know every performer is there for the love of sex and wants to do everything they have to do in order to be paid?

But sure, consuming porn, even "ethical" porn, definitely doesn't contribute to abuse or to the negative effects of porn on society or its ubiquity. Definitely not.

It is like talking to a brick wall, I agree.

Why does a discussion like this have to end in mean childish digs like "watch out for spiders we are all one"? People are putting their views forward, I happen to think all life is equal.

I haven't made fun of or been mean to anyone who disagrees. In fact, it makes it alot harder to take certain points seriously when sarcasm and bitchiness plays a role in the argument. There's no need for it. There have been some brilliant points made here on both sides, no need to discredit them with playground tactics.

Did the op ever come back?

Unsurprisingly - no.

Humpsfor20yards That's correct, yes. When you're a teenager, two years seems like a long time.

And I'm not really sure what it is you want me to elaborate on? We got together at 16 and lost our virginities together a year and a half later.

DH and I were together for nearly a year and half before we lost our virginities together, so no, it hasn't affected me

Your point was that you have not been affected by porn. Your evidence was that you were together for 'a long time' before you lost your virginity. I can't work out how that is supposed to mean you haven't been affected by porn.

I think you are being unfair, if you have a healthy sex life then what he does in private is just that.

I'm a woman, I have a very high sex drive, I watch porn, mostly because I don't get much time to myself and it's quicker

I'd rather have sex with my partner but he's not so fussed.

The only time I think a partner can have a say about this is if it is interfering with their sex life.

And OP where do you get your 'ideas' from, porn or books are pretty normal places to get this...

Its not "normal" to watch videos of other people fucking it's been "normalised" by quite alot of people. I personally see it as cheating as what's the difference between your partner receiving a sexy strip tease from someone in real life or lusting after somone on film.

Tell him clearly you're not OK with it and if he respects you he'll stop."

Bloody hell who invited the Puritans back.

Ultimately unless you consider porn to be against the 'fundemental rules of the relationship', in which case the only option is to break up then you have no option to like it or lump it. The only other alternative would to be seriously controlling over your partner, in which case id be telling them to run.

Pornography and mastubation can be traced back to the ancient cultures. The vast majority of men (and I suspect a signifcant minority of women) engage in it.

As for 99% of it been violent and extreme porn what utter cr@p. The vast majority of it is fairly vanilla hardcore. Sure you can find the extreme stuff but then you have no idea whether the women are consensual or not...might suprise some women but some other women actually enjoy things like rough sex, BDSM, dominance etc. Assuming no women in porn consent is a digustingly narcassistic 'saviour syndrome' from middle class women who should concentrate on people asking for genunine help not arbitrarily painting women they have never met as victims against their will just to satisfy their political ideology.

Are some women abused and exploited by the porn industry? Of course...but so are some teen actors by the film industry...is anyone militantly opposed to watching the results of that like Home Alone? We enjoy many things that may or may not come from exploited people from our clothes to our TVs. We rely on goodwill from the suppliers that it is not but very very few individuals extensively check.

As for OP.
Men on average are doped up on testosterone. The side effect been significantly higher libidos than women (on average). Truthfully you could ride him all day and it wouldnt satisfy it completely.

In many cases chosing to mastubate over sex is usually a convenience thing (quicker, less fuss etc) especially if they are busy on the go people. Aslong as you are having regular sex which you are happy with and porn isnt a dealbreaker (as much as I think for it to be dealbreak is absurd) then I wouldnt overly worry about it.

Totally agree rale.

The anti porn brigade have obviously never watched it and probably control their partner's every move. They assume porn is all women being abused and raped because they might have read a couple of reports or seen a documentary about it made by people who are also anti porn.

The majority of people watch porn, and the majority of society are able to live normal functioning lives and are also able to have normal functioning relationships and sex lives too. I find it highly amusing that they seem to think their husbands never, ever watch it either I remember one thread where a woman was saying her husband had never even watched a single porno or read a topless magazine as a teenager. Erm ok then

Gotta love the porn threads. Always get the posters who are seriously confused by the concepts of porn and masturbation.
Brilliant rale.

Haha oh @humps.
Just because you don't agree doesn't mean people with different opinions are confused. A tiny minority of adults might never masturbate, an equally tiny minorty might just use their imaginations. But the fact is most people watch porn. If they didn't then it wouldn't be the biggest industry in the world. I guarantee most people you know - whether they are friends, family members, partners, ex partners, teenage children, work colleagues have all watched porn and enjoyed it at least once in their lives. And I guarantee some of them watch it regularly but would probably just never admit it to you seeing as you're such a pearl clutcher