My fiance been lying to me about watching porn

[Evelyn29]

So i have just found out my bf has lied to me over watching porn. I'm kind of upset and confused as to why he watches it? We have a healthy sex life. Although latley he has wanted to try new things in the bedroom..im thinking he's getting ideas from the porn? Also it makes me feel self conscience about myself. I'm a slim girl size 8 blonde hair I wear sexy lingerie for him all the time I send sexy photos and videos when he is on work to keep it spicy. So am i not enough? I just don't understand why he watches it? Id undertand if we never had sex but we do everyday. Am I right to be upset or is this normal for men to do? confused

Josuk I'm pretty sure I never said those things don't matter and I don't remember talking about prime steak and excessive clothing. I just said that generally, we need clothes, food and medicine...no? I just think comparing porn to actual human needs is ridiculous.

As some one who has been affected by porn use I can't read this thread anymore and how ever often I read posts defending porn I would never agree that it's necessary.

some of it may not be that ethical, (same applies to quite a lot of indsutries) I know, the main issues I feel here are secrecy and maybe quantity, because it can in some cases damage relationships. To be frank if those on here are happy with it and not forcing anyone else and not hiding it from a partner then thats fair enough, but please have the decency to accept that some people are not ok with it in large doses, if at all and dont want it being a large part of their lives.

It's not necessary, unless you're so conditioned to its usage that you can't function sexually without it - and the number of people for whom this is true is increasing.

When I was looking up those links earlier I happened across this blog post - here's a woman who chooses to do porn, seems quite happy to do it for the most part, but it still horrifically abused on occasion (and for the princely sum of $200). And if her account alone isn't disturbing enough, check out the way some porn users speak about her in the comments:
clayrabeau.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/hard-city-indeed.html?m=1&zx=dfc51063e9085cbd

How anyone can support and excuse this industry is beyond me, but more than one pp have already explained that they couldn't give a shit as long as they get what they want, so there we are.

Do you eat meat in restaurants and always know where it comes from and that the animals haven't been killed inhumanely? Maybe watch a video on YouTube about pig and cow farms.
Have you ever shopped somewhere like Primark which condones slave labour of children?
Have you ever used L'Oréal makeup and hair products? They are known for barbaric animal cruelty with their testing.

These are just some examples of many. Sex is the biggest industry in the whole world. There are terrible aspects to it, just as there are to anything in life. Nothing in life that we consume is really necessary is it? we can live 100% off the land if we absolutely had to.

If someone wants to watch porn now and again and is careful about the sites they use then is it really that bad?! As I said above - Gianna Michaels is just one of thousands of porn stars who directs and stars in her videos. She has full control over what happens in them and has made millions. I could list at least 30 others off the top of my head.

If someone just watches any old porno on the internet, especially the really hard stuff like BDSM then I don't agree with it though

I find the equating of how meat is produced and the treatment of women in,pornography.extraordinarily distasteful, frankly. And I am pretty sure that so would the people making the comparison if they thought for 30 seconds.

So one species of life is more important than another then?! Interesting to know

"So one species of life is more important than another then?! Interesting to know"

Yes it is. Also, I do not equate women with slabs of meat. Although pornographers do.

And it is also possible to eat ethically sourced meat. It is practically impossible to use ethically sourced pornography.

How is it impossible?! So a woman (or man) who directs their own video and chooses the content and who stars in it with her, and what platforms it gets released to is unethical how?!
Have you ever drank alcohol before? Some could say you're contributing to an industry that destroys lives. Unless you have lived a 100% ethical life in absolutely everything you do then you don't have an argument here.
And that's your opinion that animals matter less than humans. A lot of people would not agree!

So one species of life is more important than another then?

Omg.

The porn defenders always get a bit muddled with their arguments but this is too funny.

Are you a member of the Jain cult? Bringbe? I didn't realise they were big into porn.

Haha ok then. Well I'll let you all get back to living your saintly 100% ethical lives.
OP - if you don't like porn then leave your OH as he clearly does. It's as simple as that

When they realise they don't make sense, they get the hump.

No it's interesting that you don't think humans are more important than say butterflies. It's niche but very interesting.

Why do you say my dh 'clearly' does? I'm interested, from a Jain/vegan perspective.

Don't be so pathetic. Do we eat butterflies?! No. Have you ever watched a video of an animal being skinned and boiled alive? It happens all the time in other countries. I also know a man who works for a chicken factory in this country and the stories he tells me are awful.
I'm not vegan and I'm eating chicken right now actually. I source my meat, just as I source the (very minimal) porn that I watch. I know exactly where both come from.
My point is - everything can be said to be unethical if you don't know the background. So unless you all live in cloud cuckoo land, you will definitely have been contributing to some thing or another that someone else might find unethical and very upsetting.
The OP's OH clearly does like porn otherwise he wouldn't have been watching it behind her back and going to the measures of lying about it.

And I make perfect sense thanks @humps. Just because you don't agree with my opinion doesn't mean it's a load of rubbish. There will be just as many who agree with me as would agree with you. I'm not saying I'm definitely right or that you're definitely wrong it's too big a debate with far too many variables to ever get a 100% conclusive agreement on.

"So one species of life is more important than another then?! Interesting to know

That was your point. its niche.

You obviously know I was discussing animals that we eat! Since my point above that was about eating meat in restaurants and not knowing where it comes from
Your silly pedantic points just make me think you aren't able to argue your point effectively. Anyway, I'm off to watch some porn. Ta ta

So are you seriously saying that if you can't live a 100% ethical life then there's no reason for taking an ethical stand on anything?

I'm not saying that at all. But you can't be judgmental of people who choose not to do as you do. I'm sure a lot of your beliefs about porn are well founded and accurate. But you simply cannot tar everyone in the industry or who watches porn with the same brush!

actually you have no control over who or what I judge and I am judgmental when it comes to PORN.
it's vile, hurtful and not helpful to women or men.
those that partake/subscribe are pathetic.

Haha that's me well and truly told then

Oh no, a stranger on the internet thinks I'm pathetic. That has totally changed my lifestyle from this day onwards!

Guess there's a lot of pathetic people in the world seeing as it's the biggest industry out there

It's alright, you NEED to see someone to get aroused. I don't think you're pathetic, I just feel sorry for you, it must be tough.

i'd say the majority of people need to see visual things to get turned on. i get much more turned on seeing my partner naked than I would just imagining him in my head. The same goes for porn - why imagine a naked person when you can look at one instead?