My fiance been lying to me about watching porn

[Evelyn29]

So i have just found out my bf has lied to me over watching porn. I'm kind of upset and confused as to why he watches it? We have a healthy sex life. Although latley he has wanted to try new things in the bedroom..im thinking he's getting ideas from the porn? Also it makes me feel self conscience about myself. I'm a slim girl size 8 blonde hair I wear sexy lingerie for him all the time I send sexy photos and videos when he is on work to keep it spicy. So am i not enough? I just don't understand why he watches it? Id undertand if we never had sex but we do everyday. Am I right to be upset or is this normal for men to do? confused

tammy those are very good articles. I admit I have never seen anything aggressive or involving violence, I would find that extremely upsetting. If I found out a partner was watching anything like that, I would be furious!

Not deflecting. Merely pointing out that ‘living ethicaly’ comes in many shapes and forms and people are free to choose.
And at best - everybody can only try.

So - some fixate on food sources and blood in cows milk. Others on porn. Others on environment.
Very few pass on on cheap goods mass produced by millions of disadvantaged people in the third world.

So - let’s not get on a high horse here and claim that your particular horse is better than any other horse.

And claiming - that part of obsession with porn is based on insecurity is just not being honest with yourself.

Sure - there are bad things happening in that industry. (Like in the rest of the world). But there are still many women who chose to do it (as well as enter other areas of sex trade) - because it’s easier and more lucrative than working at minimum wage.
I tend to leave people to their choices and leave judging to minimum.

"I admit I have never seen anything aggressive or involving violence, I would find that extremely upsetting"

So as long as it's not violent then that's fine? Exploited women being fucked for your pleasure is fine so long as they are not being hit actually on camera?

admit I have never seen anything aggressive or involving violence
Err... violence and aggression is on the first page of most Porn sites appearing on the first page of Google.
Fisting, so called BDSM, double penetration etc etc
The behaviour of some men (very aggressive towards the woman) is

Where do people keep getting this idea that "99% of women are abused in porn films" or all women who work in the industry are "exploited".

I have never been exploited or abused in any film I have made nor has any actress I know. Not saying it doesn't happen but it certainly isn't the norm. It is a very very well paid reasonably enjoyable (sometimes very) job.

OP, if it is something you are not happy with then you are well within your rights to tell your OH that it isn't acceptable to you. If he chooses to continue then you need to decide whether it is going to cause to much upset to you to stay with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries in the relationship.

"Not deflecting. Merely pointing out that ‘living ethicaly’ comes in many shapes and forms and people are free to choose.
And at best - everybody can only try. "

Yes. And not watching porn is a very good place to start. You can do it now. I can talk you through a lot of other ways to make ethical choices if you like, but they tend to be more difficult- sourcing ethical alternatives can be tricky. But porn? Piece of piss. Just stop.

Josuk it’s amazing the length some people can go to justify their choices.
Incl tryin to attack others and out them down for their choices....

Have you read the articles linked above or watched the C4 program? What do you think then?

Oh, look. Here comes Belle de Jour.

On another thread someone tried to argue that objecting to the porn industry was a puritanical and misogynist attempt to prevent women freely expressing their sexuality..........
That’s unfortunately a very common position.
Not wanting to watch is being Puritan . That came accros from some posters in this thread here.
On the same level imo than women being told they are frigid for not liking anal sex.

It’s crazy how women can be manipulated into a situation that are their disadvantage but don’t even realise it.

And I will always feel morally superior to anyone that eats meat. But that feeling won't stop them eating it! Such is life, people do what they want to, whether strangers on the internet like it or not.

Oh look here comes someone bitter.

Would you prefer it is I was exploited? Abused? Would I fit into your box that women couldn't possibly enjoy acting in porn, having sex?

not justifying anything.

Just want to live MY life as I chose to.

Can we create a porn thread bingo card.

So far we’ve had the it’s normal to watch porn

All men watch

You’re a prude if you object

Women are empowered by porn

‘Most’ porn ‘actresses chose to get involved in porn....

Porn actresses are well paid

The person who claims to be a sex worker and has never been mistreated, and enjoys it.

Comparison with other industries.

What have I missed?

If you don't like porn it's because you are jealous of the participant's bodies/insecure in your relationship.

Porn actors are well paid and do it because they love sex.

Amateur porn never involves coercion.

You only don't like it because you are a boring feminist.

As I’ve posted today in fact a friend who is a Sexual Health Nurse who works with teens can’t remember the last time she saw one with out a fully waxed pubis.

Anyone see the BBC report, was it last night, child on child sexual attacks have nearly doubled in the last 3 years.

While some of these children will sadly be acting out abuse that has happened to them, what about the rest?

"Just want to live MY life as I chose to."

While not thinking about whether the women you watch are living their lives as THEY choose?

Damm Same comment from MW I know....

Just want to live MY life as I chose to.
Whatever the cost to others. :(:(

Believe what you want and I will "claim to be a sex worker" and enjoy earning what I do and having sex I enjoy. If you don't like it don't watch it but we aren't talking about the morals of the sex industry, we are answering a thread about a boyfriend not respecting OP's views on it.

It's like clockwork, though. All the pro sex industry people lay out their spurious justifications and then, as if by magic, along comes a happy hooker.

Humpsfor20yards When you're a teenager, the two years between 14 and 16 are a long time.

And I'm talking about at least four; all retail.

maddie you remind me of my ds (as a teen) who was adamant that no one would dare being racist anymore because of his experience in his tiny bubble at school.
He just doesn’t want to believe that in other places, racism is quite common still.
You sound like this. Naive at best.

TammySwansonTwo DH and I were together for nearly a year and half before we lost our virginities together, so no, it hasn't affected me.

I wouldn't view anything aggressive. Or violent. I don't actually use porn at all but I don't think we should judge people who do.

Yes some people do enjoy viewing others partaking in sexual activity. Live sex shows in tourist areas of Amsterdam and Thailand for example, the actors are there by choice and are paid very well for it. Again, I have no experience of these.

But what I do have experience of is stripping while at uni for extra cash (I was my 'friend' I mentioned earlier). It was awesome. I loved it. I had previously worked as a waitress in the same city for minimum wage. I served drinks and food to impatient ungrateful people who looked down their nose at me for being worth less than them. I was still oggled by men but not paid for it. On £6 an hour I earnt 10p a minute... for a 2 minute dance I earnt £20. It was hugely empowering to have men's hard earnt money spend on appreciating my body, and I earnt £10 a minute instead of 10p. Tax free!

We weren't paid until someone asked for a dance but that would be at least 10 times a night so £200 between 11pm and 3am was just fine for me! I would have worked 3pm to 3am in my bar job and still only earnt 70 odd quid.

Me and a few friends did it, we loved the music and the dancing and you could drink at work! Didn't do it for very long as it was only a temporary thing for cash and a bit of fun. I don't regret it at all, in fact I wish I'd done it for longer!