I have exchanged contracts & move in just over two weeks. Not feeling strong tonight.

[Stillfeelingmessy]

I have posted a lot over the years about my struggles with H & then my separation.
It hasn't been a straightforward separation as we have lived under the same roof for the last 10 months due to H refusing to move out.
I have found a nice house for myself & the boys & should be happy I now only have a couple of weeks before the move, but I am finding myself feeling all churned up & frightened tonight.
Don't know why I'm posting under relationship section, guess it is because I have posted about my situation a lot under this section in the past.
I am watching DS2 laying under a cover on the sofa with his dad & feeling so upset.
I know it is for the best long term, but I'm finding it all a bit hard right now & not feeling my strongest.
Feel free to give me a shake!

Just sit back and imagine yourself pottering about boys in bed watching whatever sitting eating and drinking whatever you like.

or the boys having a snack in the livingroom having a giggle and spilling something and you casually clearing it up no big deal accidents happen.

Any better?

You don't need a shake. You just need to be reassured and that's what we're all here for!
I've somehow managed to miss your threads, sorry, but I'm sure that if you are this far down the road to moving on then it is absolutely for the best for all concerned.
Hope the feeling passes soon. I'll keep a closer eye out for you in the future

and having your friends round for a bottle of wine to put the world to rights

You will be fine easy to say I know but I really enjoyed being on my own once the desision was actually made

good luck in your new home

I had last minute jitters when my ex and I split up after 12 years. What I did was picture the scene in my head of what I imagined my future life to be like without him - and thought about how that made me feel. Then I imagined my future life if we didn't split up and thought about how that made me feel. The first scenario gave me good feelings, the second made me feel panicky and that told me that the status quo was definitely not the right thing, as scary was it was to be splitting up.

I use that technique whenever I'm not sure about a decision and it's never let me down, but I must add I was childless at the time, I'd imagine there are all sorts of added emotions when there are children involved.

Thank you all.
I don't feel doubtful that I should be doing what I'm doing, I know it is for the best long term. It all feels so hard atm though, but I always knew this last bit would.
I have been coping quite well with it all, but it has all suddenly got on top of me & feels a little like my world is crumbling.
I know I probably make no sense at all atm!

I know you don't know me, but I have followed your thread from the start. You have done so amazingly well to get to where you are now so you must be a pretty determined, strong person! Try to take every day as it comes and just see it as a time that has to be got through, (a bit like a smear test or a trip to the dentist {hmm]. It will be worth it 1000 times over when you are in your own home with your kids, able to watch whatever you like on TV, make a mess, make noise, watch all the girlie programmes you like and eat whatever food you like that he didn't. Maybe try to distract yourself, what about going for a walk by yourself or having a luxurious bath?

I have a friend going through similar to you at the moment - she said if she had known what her h was going to be like she would not have left him - but is so pleased that she did!! Keep strong!!!

One part of your world IS crumbling, and until you are actually feeling the relief of being under your roof, answerable to yourself and not to H's moods, you're only going to be feeling what's happening now. It must be really hard - the sadness of the boys family etc.

But you will build your family in a different way.

And in 3 months time, you will be enjoying seeing them play in the gravel without worrying where it goes, chalking on the paving stones, able to feel they live in your lovely new house because they can hav a few toys here ther and everywhere, and you won't be anxiously tidy, tidy, tidying when the clock creep towards H's home time.

That is when you will relax. Until then, hard as it is, i thnk it's natural to feel sad and stressed. Don't feel you 'ought' somehow to be pulling yourself together, perhaps? You aren't doing anything wrong by feeling upset.

It's only natural that you will feel a bit wibbly, it's a big step and the end of an era living with H. You have done so brilliantly and come so far, you must remember how far you have come and how strong you are. There's nothing wrong with feeling emotional, but you know you're doing the right thing. I agree with others, think about you and the boys living in your new home. It can be relaxed and happy. the boys can play where they want and leave their toys out without fear of being shouted at or their toys thrown away. You can also be happy and relaxed without H breathing down your neck and upsetting you. Your boys will still have their dad and will still have a relationship with him. Remember what has driven you to be in this situation and the long term happiness of you and the boys. There's so much support for you on MN, feel free to have a wibble at any time! Keep strong, thinking of you.

Thank you Helennn. I guess it was obvious who I was then! (I have had so many different names over the time I've been posting!)
I have been coping with it all quite well, I even told my counsellor that I seemed to be coping too well! I knew I would find this last bit hard, but I suddenly feel so churned up & weak inside.
I have just been up to my sobbing 7 year old. He told me he was frightened of bad dreams, but I know he is effected by all that is going on.
I do try to focus on the positives & know that one day it may all feel so much better, but this stage is proving very difficult.

oh messy, of course it is difficult and upsetting. You are human. Don't beat yourself up about it. You have been so strong. This is going to change your life for the better. You will have a freedom that you have never had (how are things with you parents?) It is hard now but you really have done the hardest part. Things will get so much better. {{{}}}

Thank you all. I didn't want to come back here all miserable, but it has got on top of me a bit & posting on here helps me at times like this.
Doesn't help that H is being so nice atm, I would rather he was being horrible in a way!

I really feel for you - moving out is so big and scary, and effectively you're saying goodbye to a huge part of your life. It's almost like a bereavement - you have to acknowledge that something/someone is leaving your life (although when you share children that's never completely true) and take a huge leap into the unknown. I haven't seen previous threads, but if you've got this far you must be very sure you're doing the only thing possible for your future happiness, and that will have a positive effect on your DC's future happiness. You don't need a shake - there'd be something very wrong if you weren't feeling "churned up and frightened". I remember how terrified I felt before I finally moved out from ex-DH - but it was the best thing I ever did and I loved that time on my own with the kids. If it helps at all - ex-DH has just been round to look at wedding pics of me and very new-DH; we're the best of friends, and that would never have happened had I not left when I did.

I feel I should be more together because it has been going on so long, but the thing is, because of the whole having to live together bit, it feels as bad as the moment we made the decision to go our separate ways.
I feel you lot on here have had nothing but me moaning on, but I try not to, it is just helpful for me to get it off my chest when I get like this.

My parents are still the same as ever, but dad hasn't totally washed his hands of me yet!

Yes, floating, my colleagues (well the majority of them) do know what's happening & are supportive.
I have been told to ask for a day off to move, which I will do. I am sure my line manager will be ok with that, as she has been aware of my situation long before others were & is very supportive.
Work does keep me busy & keeps my mind busy. Holidays are the times I am more likely to get down.

H hasn't got anywhere to live yet. He is going to stay with my parents & then his mum for a while.

I haven't gone sick at all with stress throughout any of this, so I hope they will all be ok with me taking that day off, it is only a half day normally too.

Me and h have just very very recently seperated and like yours is refusing to move out. The valuers are booked and are coming out to look over the house with the intention of selling it and paying off the joint loan and splitting the rest.
I'm wobbly at the minute one minute so angry the next minute a blubbering jelly and wondering were I will get the strength from to get through this. H has just gone up to bed (I'm sleeping on settee) and I'm feeling so low & wondering how I'm going to get through this. I thought I would have a look on mumsnet which normally cheers me up.....I couldn't beleive reading your thread as it mirrors my own circumstances been together 13 years but your were I want to be so i know it can be done and its steadied my wobbly legs a little.
I really admire you and your strength!

Thank you all for making me feel a bit better tonight.

Upsadaisy - so sorry you are going through this too. I can identify with all your feelings, it is very very tough & I have had "how the heck am I going to get through this?" moments frequently! I don't feel very strong inside right now, but I put on a good front to those around me.
I have been with H for 11 years & they do become a huge part of your life, even though they can upset you so much.
Sometimes H would feel like my main support & I would look to him for protection, and other times he was my main fear in life.
It is so much to get your head around, but reading back on my old threads just reinforces the fact I am doing the right thing, however horribly tough it is.
As tough people go, I about as far as you get though. I still can't believe I'm actually doing this!

Good luck with the house sale & all that follows, upsadaisy. There is lots of support here on MN.

Going to attempt to go to bed now. Sleeping has gone out of the window a bit recently, so I am hoping tonight I may just pass out without my head filling with everything!