I have exchanged contracts & move in just over two weeks. Not feeling strong tonight.

[Stillfeelingmessy]

I have posted a lot over the years about my struggles with H & then my separation.
It hasn't been a straightforward separation as we have lived under the same roof for the last 10 months due to H refusing to move out.
I have found a nice house for myself & the boys & should be happy I now only have a couple of weeks before the move, but I am finding myself feeling all churned up & frightened tonight.
Don't know why I'm posting under relationship section, guess it is because I have posted about my situation a lot under this section in the past.
I am watching DS2 laying under a cover on the sofa with his dad & feeling so upset.
I know it is for the best long term, but I'm finding it all a bit hard right now & not feeling my strongest.
Feel free to give me a shake!

It's probably a mixture, Messy.
He knows that it really is final now, and probably feels sad, like you do. But he also knows that he needs to keep some sort of speaking-terms relationship with you in order to be a dad to the boys, he won't want to look like a baddie to your parents, he has indicated that he knows your parents treat you badly and possibly feels a bit guilty - and he knows that being nice will make you feel mixed up.
But it wouldn't last 10 minutes if you went back to a real marriage, would it?

He did once tell you that he would be a good ex, didn't he? perhaps he's doing his best to keep his word.

How long do you thnk it will last? perhaps until the first time you would like him to have the boys that clashes with a racing/sporting/drinking outing that he feels he would like to go to?

It probably won't last too long, Blu. I would have these moments of all being calm when we were still together & his two very different personalities would mess my head up totally. It was always just a matter of time before his nasty side would rear it's head again, as I can see very clearly from looking back on my old threads.
The other night he came up behind me & kissed the back of my head, which was kind of odd given our present circumstances.
I guess he is feeling sad right now, just like I am. I would find it easier if he was being horrible in a way though.

He's at the pub with his friend right now & is returning at 7pm because I am going out tonight.

It is not making me doubt what I'm doing, but it just messes my head up & makes it all seem harder. Does that make sense?

My parents just see him as the good guy anyway. They think I am a fool to leave him & I know that they are hopeful that I won't cope alone & will run back to him. According to H, mum once said to him "I'm sure you two will end up back together"

I think that H is not going to let go easily either. I could be way off the mark, but it's a feeling I get.

What I mean by that is that even though we will be in separate houses, I think H would still get funny about things like me talking to other men etc.

Oh, the first time he gets whiff of you seeing - or even talking with - someone else he will become a complete monster - awkward and impossible about childcare, nasty, etc etc.
But at least it will be at arms' length...and you will have the said other man to support you

Look, stop worrying about all this and get frantic about packing, meter readings, post re-direction, curtains, bank acounts (the child benefit goes into your sole account, I hope??) phone number, broadband (eeek - how will we all know how the move went?). You're worrying about worrying - go panic about the practicalities - you have enough of those to face in a house move to drive anyone to the edge!

Doing quite a lot of packing atm - there are boxes everywhere! Have sorted the mail, but still need to contact BT. Hoping to keep my phone number if I can.
My child benefit goes straight into my bank account & H has set up a standing order for the money he is paying me each month.

Hoping not to be offline for as long as I was last time we moved. I now have a much better internet provider, so I'm hopeful it won't be a very long 3 weeks this time!

Sorry about my worrying - my head is all over the place right now. I have been invited to yet another blimmin candle party tonight & they are demanding I go, so that should take my mind of things this evening!

Hope you had a good time last night - and there's nothing like a candle party, I'm sure, to restore your sanity
Get on to BT about the phone - I think they need a bit of notice to keep your number - we kept ours, but had a temporary number for a couple of days, I think.

It sounds as if you are very well on top of things practically - very impressive!

I cancelled the removal co that DP had booked within a week of us moving - it was chaos.

You're doing SO well PC - moving is a nightmare under any circumstances, and you have a lot of other things to deal with atm.

I was very well behaved last night, I will have you know!

Been on a course today, so didn't get much packing done, but DDC have been informed of my move re council tax, so am feeling quite with it practically, if nothing else!

What happened with your removal co, Blu?
Have heard mixed reports about the company we are using, so am keeping my fingers crossed that the move goes as smooth as possible!

Only one week tomorrow before the big day!!

Only 1 week now until I move, which is a very scary thought! Need to get this bit over with & then I will be able to start moving on with my life. I have been in limbo land for nearly a year now & it's not a good place to be!

Feeling very worried about DS1 today. He has been very lathargic & in his own little world at school, more so than usual.
I asked his TA to keep a bit of an eye on him today.

Oh bless him, Dino. Do you have any idea what triggered that?
It's horrible when they say things like that isn't it?

DS1 seemed very spaced out in the playground today. I know he is often a loner, but today he didn't seem right at all & was sat on the wall with his head down. It was really horrible to see him like that.
I asked him if he was ok & he nodded, then grabbed my arm.
I spoke to his TA & told her I was concerned about him. She said she would keep an eye on him.
I only worked half day today, but nipped into the dinner hall to check up on him, to find him sitting to the side of his chair, facing away from the others. Again I asked if he felt ok & he nodded.

Been worrying about him this afternoon, so spoke to his teacher after school & she told me he has been more spacey than usual throughout the whole of this week. He has not appeared to be listening & has been resting his head on the table in class.
I know that DS1 has difficulties, but she told me that both herself & the TA noticed he had become much more out of it this last week.
He seems fine playing with his brother right now, but I am really worried about how he is at school right now.

I haven't really mentioned anything about Wednesdays assessment, Dino. I didn't want to make a big deal of it & worry him.
I think it must be because of all that is going on right now.
I try not to appear down at all in front of him & have been keeping everything as normal as possible for the boys, but they are obviously aware that the move is rapidly approaching.

Don't think he can get any time off work, Dino, due to taking the Friday off for the move. I will more than likely be taking DS on my own. My parents won't come along because they're cross about the whole thing. I haven't even told them that he is having it done next week.
DS will have to be there because it is a developmental assessment.

It is horrible seeing him like this, Floating, and I was feeling pretty choked up after playground duty today.
Sometimes it is extra tough working in the school that DS1 attends, because I hate seeing him all alone at playtimes.

Next week is going to be a tough one to get through, as DS is assessed on the Wednesday & then this huge move is happening two days later. If I get through it without having myself some kind of a breakdown, I will be amazed!

stillfeelingmessy thanks for your reply further down thread.
Try not to worry about your little one too much just think how life will be improved once you get in your new home and your ds will benefit from this.

You're not speaking out of turn at all, NJ. I think it was just a slight slip up because Dino & myself often communicate via e mail where RL names are obviously used!

I will start a new thread soon though, just to be on the safe side.