I have exchanged contracts & move in just over two weeks. Not feeling strong tonight.

[Stillfeelingmessy]

I have posted a lot over the years about my struggles with H & then my separation.
It hasn't been a straightforward separation as we have lived under the same roof for the last 10 months due to H refusing to move out.
I have found a nice house for myself & the boys & should be happy I now only have a couple of weeks before the move, but I am finding myself feeling all churned up & frightened tonight.
Don't know why I'm posting under relationship section, guess it is because I have posted about my situation a lot under this section in the past.
I am watching DS2 laying under a cover on the sofa with his dad & feeling so upset.
I know it is for the best long term, but I'm finding it all a bit hard right now & not feeling my strongest.
Feel free to give me a shake!

Well, you willdefinitely need the day off to move house, won't you? You'll have to pick up the keys from the estate Agents as soon as you complete, to let the removal men in - yipee! And tell them where to put everything.

Is there anyone who could have DS2, and DS1 for an hour after school so that they are not running under the removal men's feet? ime, they move very fast once the front door is unlocked - if it all goes ok, the van should be unpacked before tea-time.

Don't forget to label the boxes with where you want them in your new house!

Oh yes, I will be needing the day off alright! Just not sure if they will expect me to make up my hours, but I can offer to work all day on the Wednesday if needed.
H has also booked that day off work to help me out.

Feeling a little more on top of things again today. I have told the woman I work with that I have exchanged & will be moving 2 weeks Friday. I also told her that I was all wobbly last night (they don't see my wobbly side!) & she said that she lost it totally when she finally split with her abusive ex, even though it was what she wanted, and she was only with him 2 years & had no children. This made me feel a bit less of a big wuss!

I will ask on of my friends if they can help me out with DS's on the day. DS2 is only half day at nursery on a Friday, so I will be needing someone to take care of him for sure!

Sorry, one of my friends! Am super useless at typing on this laptop!

Just wanted to add my support to you, have been following your threads for some time having gone through a similar thing with a similar type of ex. Also have two boys We are now divorced. It will be difficult at first although you might also feel relieved.

Sold our marital home last August and have moved twice since then - am renting as can't afford to buy property here. Can't deny that the moves were difficult especially the second one but I really enjoy living with just me and the boys. They have settled down quite well with a few wobbles and see him regularly.

My well being has improved no end since not being with H. Friends tell me that I am like my old self as for the last eighteen months or so we were together I was not. We have an amicable front but there still quite a bit of bad feeling on my side underneath.

He still feels at liberty to call my new place a dump (it is slightly untidy and still has a few boxes unpacked) but I work full time and have the boys most of the time.

But I just tell him its none of his business and not to say that in front of DSs.

Meanwhile he lives in a pristine minimalist bachelor type flat and has more freedom that I do but I don't really mind about that.

Also a slight connection/spark with someone I met recently but I am in no hurry to rush that along.

I am sure you will feel lonely sometimes but I used to feel very lonely in my marriage as he was often away overseas or at the pub.

Good luck I will be thinking of you.

H will need to take the day off, anyway, won't he? Unless he has all his stuff out before the big day.

Course you're not a wuss!

Lots of contracts offer a paid day off for moving house - maybe yours does?

I am pretty sure that we are entitled to a paid day off for moving, but just need to double check with my line manager.

H has now definitely cancelled his flat, so will be homeless in a couple of weeks. He is going to store his bits in one of my parents many garages!

Glad things have worked out for you, citylover. It is so good for me to read these positive stories right now.

Today I saw MIL for the first time since H told her the news. She was so sweet & just asked how I was & then said it was good we sold our house so quick.
Feel so sad for her because she went through it all herself & it must hurt her.
H says that she will be more concerned for me than him because of what she went through, and she has urged him not to spoil the boys too much (in a materialisic way), because this was what happened when H's dad & her went their separate ways.

It sounds as if she will be sympathetic and supportive to you, perhaps? I'm glad she was sweet. Will you be able to keep an independent relationship with her, as the boys' gran?

She must have an inkling that H has given you a hard time during your marriage?

I hope to maintain a relationship with MIL. She is a very sweet lady who would do anything for anyone & I am so sad that she is having to deal with this after everything she has been through with H's dad. She mentioned that H was only a couple of years older than DS1 when his dad left. It must be tough for her & I am sorry she is having history repeat in a way.

Been to my counsellor today. Asked my mum if she could give me a lift, but she said she couldn't & asked why on earth I was still seeing a counsellor & for how much longer.
Todays session seemed tough & we covered lots. She says that it is impossible to get me to pat myself on the back for anything, which is very true!
She suggested phsycotherapy (that doesn't look the correct spelling, but you know what I mean!) to try & deal with the issues surrounding my parents & upbringing. I was a bit taken aback as I felt that that kind of thing was more assosiated with mental health problems.
She also said that she was very much in admiration of me & how far I have come, which was sweet, but I know that that is all due to all the support & encouragement I have received on here.
I next see her (& my HV) after the big move.

Feeling all tearful right now & I'm not sure why, but after todays session I do feel more like it is ok for me to feel like this.

Oh & I have ok-ed the day off work to move with both line manager & head. I have asked someone to cover me that morning, so that is all sorted.

Messy you are doing so well honestly. Not sure about therapy although CBT is brilliant.

Only a little while to go now and things will get so much better honestly.

I was thinking of you while quaking in my bed the other night, GF!
I was feeling so frightened & so overwhelmed by everything, and I was thinking of how strong you always appear even though you have been through so much. I wish I had half of your strength!

I will get that e mail to you tonight when the boys are in bed, GF.

Blimey I have laid in bed quaking as well messy but thanks. I gues you appear stronger than you actually are and so do I but that is no bad thing.

Well done messy, you're getting there one day at a time. I think it's worth exploring some therapeutic options to help you deal with your childhood, I don't think your counsellor is trying to imply you have a mental health issue so much as deeply-rooted 'stuff' that needs to be addressed.

I hardly dare ask why H has cancelled his flat and where he's going to be living. Are you sure this isn't a strategy to end up living with you again? (God forbid).

We still haven't exchanged so right now you are winning the race to the finish line

We talked quite a bit about my parents today, which I think was triggered by my recent feelings of being such a failure to them.
Also talked about how I try too hard to cope sometimes & get paranoid about being a depressive misery whenever I let my feelings out on here or seek extra support.
She thinks this is all linked to my upbringing too. Also I have quite an attention seeking mother, and I don't want to come across in this way.
It is only on here & with my counsellor/HV that I let my more vulnerable side out, and even on here I need to keep it all under a separate name! In short, I'm odd!

She says it seems like my parents (esp mum) have put me down as the bad one since the moment she went into labour with me (very bad birth, which she frequently reminds me about!) & that they still treat me like a child & a possession.
It was hard to hear, because she is dead right.

Lots lots more deeper stuff was covered, but I won't go into my whole session.
It was heavy & hard to switch off my work head & sit through a heavy counselling session, then switch my work head straight back on again!

Re H's flat - it was because he was going to have to pay out a few thousand to extend the lease. He is now homeless as my mum keeps reminding me.

Thanks for all that, Floating.

I am finding my counselling sessions quite heavy going atm for some reason, and much as I switched very quickly back into work mode, when I got home from work I was very tearful.
At the same time I really feel that todays session was very good in that it made me realise why I am such a funny fish at times! My counsellor is great too & I wish I could write everything down that she says to me because she makes so much sense.

I don't need any encouragement where wine is concerned atm! I took a bottle round to a friends last night, but she was on beer so I consumed the whole bottle to myself! How bad is that?!

Quite a few of my friends are offering to come round with a bottle when I move too, so I may be joining the drinkers thread rather soon!

GF - I tried to mail you, but it was thrown back at me for some reason, so will try again tomorrow.