My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

I’m at home will try to sleep until he does return. His bag is packed by the front door waiting for him.

Good.

In addition, is this the same group of mates who have been involved the other times he has gone AWOL? If so, he probably had a bloody good idea of how the night would pan out and that there would be a good chance that he wouldn't be coming home.

How awful.
You sound like an awesome lady and a good Mum !
Your other half doesn’t deserve you !!

Both my husband and I enjoy a night out and will get pissed up sometimes but never in all the years we have lived together have either of us not got home at night- and if it’s a late one we’re always in touch. Probably because we’re not cokeheads. It’s not acceptable, especially when you have children.

I hope he returns home soon so at least your mind is at rest and I hope your children don’t noticed he’s hungover/ drunk/ drugged up.

In my eyes if you have already told him that if he does it again then he is gone and he STILL went and did it.. that just shows how inconsiderate he is and how much he doesnt care as much as he should!

If my partner said that to me i would do everything in my power to make sure i didnt fuck up again, because is going on a bender really worth losing your family over?

Since we have had children dp hasn't been about later than midnight. He says he wants to be home with us.

If you have already given him an ultimatum last time and you don't follow through you are sending him a clear signal he can get away with it. Again and again. So long as he plays the apology act convincingly enough.

He knew full well he was risking the relationship by doing this. You told him clearly last time. It didn't stop him. Game over.

Oh god he's still not back op? Every hour that goes past makes it worse sorry you are in this shit position.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your boys deserve so much better x

Is he home op?

Hope he’s back!

Gosh - really worrying

I would be absolutely fuming if my H put me in this position. I hope he’s back now and you’ve read the riot act to him, he’s picked up his bag and gone again.
Thinking of you and your boys

I hope you are getting some answers.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hope you’re as ok as you can be

Hope he gets home safe...but more to the point hope you and the children are okay .....awful situation for you he needs to grow up grow a pair and act like a real man not bloody Peter pan

Is he still not back?

Who does this with a 4 month old baby at home??

The thing is, if he did go out regularly and had a nice, reliable group of friends, had a few drinks then came home at a reasonable time, not too drunk ,then that would be fine compared to a couple of massive, ridiculous, potentially dangerous benders every year, involving drugs, with alcoholic relatives!

It seems odd he doesn't have friends but gets like this with his own family.It sounds to me like some of his family have serious issues.

I don't know any married man with a baby who would do this and not even give you a one sentence text to reassure you they are okay but staying over somewhere. He has a family!!

The fact you have given him an ultimatum last time and he has done it again - I don't blame you for packing a bag. You need some time apart for you to think. He clearly thinks he can just walk back in, mumble a few apologies and go back to normal as if nothing has happened.

If you do stay together I would want him to go to Al anon and narcotic meetings / have counselling and never drink or take drugs again. Because he cannot be trusted to do the right thing when he does go out, and even if he says he isn't an addict, clearly something odd is going on as he hasn't the maturity to know when to stop and come home.

Who the hell is he out with anyway? I would be ringing them.

I think there's a massive difference between a midnight call saying we've got carried away and are planning on going to x do you mind if I stay at Y house tonight then I don't disturb you and just going off on a coke binge with people thinking you could be dead.

Will he have to go to work tomorrow?

I don't have anything useful to add but didn't want to read and run. Hope you're ok OP

Will your mum have to bring the kids back soon ? Hope he’s appeared and gone

So sorry you are going through this OP. My ex was a cokehead - they are unimaginably boring and awful to live with. Luckily for me we didn't have DC together.

You owe it to yourself and to your DC to separate. It's totally unfair for you to have to live like this.

Why is his bag inside the front door? I would leave it outside and I would have had the locks changed.

Good luck

You ok OP?

Hope you’re ok OP