My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩
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My partner went out last night and is still not home!
Georgie300 · 19/11/2017 09:34
Good luck, you sound like you’ve got your head screwed on! Nothing is black and white it’s all shades of grey. Hugs 
Op, it's your choice what you do. Hopefully it will work out. If it doesn't, you tried. Not everyone would put up with this behaviour from a partner but at the end of the day it's your life.
If it goes wrong, come back, don't be put off by the people who are getting cross with you for not taking their advice, it's your relationship.
I would make sure he knows this is his last chance though.
Georgie , if you are still reading, or not...
You now know the lay of the land with your dh. You gave an ultimatum over this issue but then did not follow through. That is a green light go for him. He may have a sense of how long to wait between events so as to not push his luck too much.
His disappearing is very worrying and I understand your angst and fears and anger. That is a very big burden for you to carry all the while carrying on with your dc. But then it was all for naught, wasn't it? Next time, imho, you would be right to not care- no anger, angst, worry. His volunteering to disappear is all about him; he is erasing you out of his life for a period of time. Bounce that ball right back at him.
This is something you have chosen to put up with, if you stay. There really is very little gray area here.
Emotionally disconnecting from him is going to be necessary going forward to save your own sanity. You can not control him, you are not his gov'ner. He will spontaneously slip away again. You know it. The only thing you can change is your response to it.
As ill as it sounds he was, he could very well have gone into cardiac arrest; it could have been alcohol poisioning- there was certainly a high level of toxicity in his system regardless of the source. All of this he volunteered for: it is very self-destructive. Going forward, you need to be prepared for the worst financially. Go get a life insurance policy on him today.
Good luck
Very good JaneEyre70!Don’t want to miss threads like this?
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@Domani I'm fairly sure headless chickens are incapable of making ANY noise. 
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