My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

I’d be fucking furious with him. He is a grown man with a family and acting like a teenage child.
I think you’re a mug for being sympathetic to him. A two day bender, drug taking, vomiting and letting another mug clean up his vomit. Well isn’t he quite the catch. As for him not even being able to get in contact with you, are you seriously suggesting he doesn’t have the contacts details/Facebook for one person that could have let you know where he was?

Op the ball is in your court. He needs to change. Drugs are not part of a normal life with children. I hope you sort this out and your ok. That may be getting rid of tge man child or trying again. I wouldnt try again but im not you. Support here for you

Olivetappas I don't think they are married, which puts the OP in a very precarious position.

Regardless, he was incredibly selfish to stay away for 2 nights with little contact. What about you and the kids? He’s just assumed you’re dealing with them? I think you need to get a life outside of him and his wants. He doesn’t sound like somebody who really wants a family to be honest.

and forget picking him up! Now you’re good enough for a lift. You weren’t on Sunday morning!

Let him make his own way home.

To pick up his things.

What a jackass.

What a load of rubbish he’s fed you.
But I get the feeling you will put up with anything. I feel sorry for the kids; fancy having a father who thinks taking drugs, spending money that should be spent on them and disappearing is ok and having a mother that enables that.

OMG that simply has to be the worst excuse I have ever heard in my life. Surely you aren't going to get him OP after that cock and bull story???? He'd be walking his sorry arse home, finding his belongings on the front step and the locks changed. To not make contact for all that time is inexcusable beyond words.

Op it looks like you are feeling sorry for him and will let him back in after sulking/billocking him. Is this the family life you want?

Don't thing a bit of weed would result in 2 day 'spinning' OP. Probably hasn't cheated but he owes you to be honest.

Good luck, OP.

All very upsetting. But deal with it based on your own judgement and feelings.

The observations of MNers are illuminating, but the ganging up and haranguing to follow one course of advice can get a bit much.

I can see what’s gunna happen here

Because it was weed instead of coke all will be forgiven.

Why are you picking him up?!?! Make him find his own way home!!! I mean this kindly OP but fgs grow a back bone!!!

He doesn’t respect you or the kids. He is not a good father. If he was he wouldn’t behave like an 18 year old student who has no responsibilities. It doesn’t matter whether he’s done weed for years he has still CHOSEN to stay out drunk and high instead of coming home to his wife and kids

Weed does not leave people feeling like that either. Fair enough doing it with alcohol might’ve made him sick but not to the extent they’re making out.

It’s easier to believe a load of shit when you want to hold on to your family and marriage - I get that. But you shouldn’t be so naive

And you certainly shouldn’t be collecting him!!! No wonder he takes the piss out of you, he knows you’ll always forgive him

It's easy to say LTB when it's someone else's life.
But I would definitely be having the conversation and drawing a line in the sand that this was the last time ever and the next time he chose to do this would be the last

I've never understood why MNetters are so against all night benders. As long as the children are safe and cared for and the other parent agrees, I think it's fine occasionally. I'd partake in them if I had the energy and money to facilitate them so the staying out all night and smoking weed wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

However I don't buy the charger/Facebook story at all.

The only person I know who doesn't have Facebook is my 85 year old Grandmother and even she has messenger to contact my Aunt when she's abroad.

There are shops open on a Sunday which sell Nokia chargers.

One of them could have set-up a Facebook account for him or nipped to Tesco for a charger. Instead, he chose to leave you worrying. Probably because he was high/still smoking or snorting not sick.

Do people not have landlines?

IF DH had no way to call me on his mobile, he'd borrow someone else's phone and call our landline.

Failing that, he'd send me an email.

No need for Facebook, which he's not on.

MsJolly the op has already said that the next time it happened their relationship is over. And it has happened again. And it will keep happening if her boundaries keep being nudged back by this man.

Don't feel sorry about him suffering. Even if it's true he's the one who chose to fuck off overnight and smoke joints and leave the mother of his babies at home worrying something had happened to him.
He will try the I didn't want to come home in this state bollocks but this happened AFTER he had lied he was coming home.

Poor him for taking drugs and passing out from them when he lied he was on his way home.

Imagine if a mother did this. Just decided not to return after a night out because of a bender.
I think for me I’d be furious my DH had left me worrying for an entire day he could Be dead in a gutter somewhere. That would be the unforgivable bit for me. He could have made much more effort to let you know, it’s 2017!!!

Youv spoken to him and the friends on the phone even though his phone was dead and they didn't have your number anyway,,,?

Youv got MUG written all over you,

So nobody had anybody else's phone number but you managed to speak? I've been down this road, the reality of "sleeping things off" was very very different. Sorry OP, but this is bullshit. Furthermore, there is no way on earth that any reasonable person would want a puking bloke, old enough to know better, sleeping on their sofa.

Don't be a mug, because currently you are

I'm glad you've tracked him down OP but the story he's concocted is utter bollocks. I wouldn't believe a word of it! He is telling you what you want to hear and he's got you feeling sorry for him and running around after him. I couldn't forgive this behaviour he's a grown man with responsibilities, not a teenager

If her DP said to her 'love, I'm going out tonight and I might go on a bender (you know what I'm like 🤔) and if I stay out/crash out at a mates house, I'll let you know'. Me personally, I wouldn't have a problem with this (I'd be bloody concerned about the drug taking tbf) but at least I'd know the crack and it shows consideration. But your DP OP, knows the stakes on this scenario and he didn't give a shit! It's about entitlement, he was entitled to play hard because he works hard! Simple really! Now how to you get someone to feel less entitled? 🤔.....you tell them to fuck off you're not treating me like this! Op, ask him to go for a couple of days to give you space. This action will create a boundary that his actions had consequences otherwise you'll look a right mug!

No way he is in such a state from just weed. A teenager doing it for the first time, maybe. A grown man who has regularly used drugs and alcohol in the past? No way.

Don't go pick him up, drop a bag off there and go back home. You don't need this.

Apart from the suspiciously slick story I'm just agog at a woman who is happy to clean up a violent puking incident and keep the perp on her sofa another night.

Op, did you just speak to the woman? Or did you speak to her partner as well?