My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

He sounds something of an expert at this caper. Why do you believe things hegets other people to tell you? How are you feeling about your ultimatum? I really hope you stick to it. What a horrible way to live.

You're picking him up in the morning? At the flat?
Can you turn up earlier than he expects, to see if you catch him off guard?

It doesn’t sound great! He should know better at his age and with children. How embarrassing. Sorry op.

I agree with ceecee32 - plus Nokia’s take forever to die. It certainly wouldn’t happen in one evening and one assumes the phone would be fully charged before he went out?

All his excuses are very plausible ones but oh so very convenient all coming together like that. I smell BS.

And I would NOT be picking him up. Other than dropping off a bag at this flat where he can stay forever if they don’t mind him being there!

Wow. This is just all levels of bullshit on steroids.

Well, good luck with this OP.
Remove the hook from your mouth very, very gently. Hope you haven't taken the bait!

As if they wouldn't mind him being there, if he was puking everywhere. I'd be like - get out of my house now-
And where did the phone charger suddenly come from?

You've not got a landline? His parents haven't, your mum? Why wouldn't he just get one of the couple he's with to call that way or even send an sms text to the landline?

You know? Even if he isn’t lying I’d still dump his ass. This is totally unacceptable behaviour. And I consider myself easygoing!

What an absolute man child. He’s good at playing you op - he knows you’ll feel sorry for him rather than wanting to rip him apart if he’s too ill to move. He must have lots of redeeming features if you’re going to pick him up. I’d be leaving him in the lovely puke-filled flat so he can smoke as much weed as he likes.

Nah, he's got a big comedown and a hangover. Git.
This Is so risky on many levels. He needs help and if he can't see it he has to go. 12 steps or out. Love tou and your children.

Don't go to pick him up!

Text to say you are on your way there, then switch off your phone and don't turn up.

At the very least, make him take responsibility for getting himself home.
And, I hope, picking up his bag and leaving again.

And I would NOT be picking him up. Other than dropping off a bag at this flat where he can stay forever if they don’t mind him being there!

Even better.

It's your life. If you're happy to live it like that then who are we to say otherwise. Good luck OP, I think you're going to need it

Loving Mxyzptlk suggestion of saying you're on your way and switching off your phone. For 24hrs. See how he likes it.

I’m calling BS!!

Why wouldn’t he wanna be at home? ESP if he’s SO ill

I wouldn’t and couldn’t believe any of that.

I’m glad to read this morning you have heard from him. Sounds like he had a very messy one.
I personally hope he feels dreadful. It’s probably nothing into comparison of how you have/or do feel.
I hope you have woke up this morning with a bit more of a clear head.
Does he not have work today?
Why are these blokes so freaking immature and stupid, I just don’t get it.
Let’s hope he isn’t arsey with you today. I think hunk he needs to tread very carefully!
X

Ah he forgot the old saying ‘grass before beer, you’re in the clear; beer before grass, you’re on your ass’

Lightweight

So the only way to contact you is by mobile? No, he didn't want to get in touch and face reality, he happily let you worry and phoning around whilst looking after his children, he only cared about himself.
He is very selfish.

Georgie I was just thinking.... unless I have missed something. How did they manage to get hold of you or you get hold of him?
You are good going to pick him up, I’m not sure I could but the sober you do what you need to the better.
I just hope he isn’t taking you for a ride as you seem like a lovely lady who is committed to looking after her family. Please don’t let him drag you down to beyond repair. You have little ones to be strong for plus yourself. X

I don’t think I could ever get over the fact that he hung up on you at 2am and stayed away for two nights without any attempt at contacting you.

If his story is true, if any of this is true, why didn’t he wake up the next morning with his top priority being to let you know where he was and that he was safe?

He could’ve used somebody else’s phone to contact your landline, or to contact someone who had your mobile number, or to ask someone to ring you on his behalf, or to ask someone to pop round in person.

I would not be exposing young children to this behaviour. To those saying he needs support for substance abuse - he needs to get that support elsewhere because op has a 4m old baby to worry about.

I'm probably an old fuddy duddy, but why can't these people get this kind of thing out of their system before they have children?

By the time DD was born OH and I had absolutely zero interest in getting off our faces. We still like to share a bottle of wine, but we don't get ratarsed or pull all nighters (neither of us has the stamina even if we wanted to). Also, we never ever stay out all night, especially not without letting the other one know.

Glad you and children are ok OP.
The coke sniffing joint smoking drunken awol Dad sounds a real role model for the kids.

He was in a flat in 2017, and noone even had access to email? Woah. Maybe he fell into a wormhole to the early 90s.

It’s not hard to pick holes in his pathetic story. I hope you’re not going to pick him up. You’re not his bloody mother (and, actually, I hope she wouldn’t either). I’m sorry that he’s put being a Class A dick before you and your children.

This is behaviour from a early 20s not somebody married with 3 kids
If you don't put ur foot down now This will always happen. I don't think he's stopped doing it I think he does it less because he goes out less and by the sound of it can't handle it anymore.
I know u know ur partner and more than likely believe the story but turning a blind eye to this only lets him know he can do it again it only lets him get away with it.
Put up and shut up or put ur foot down

I’m surprised you’ve given in so easily just because he’s feeling ill! I’d have let him wallow!