My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

Bollocks to that.

Ha ha madwoman, happens all the time to me. (Accidentally going home with mates to smoke joints that is)

Sounds like trying to avoid a bollocking to me

I would be having a good hard think about my future and how I want it to loo, both for myself and my children. And I'd be getting my financial ducks in a row and not relying on him anymore

Sorry

I hope that when you pick him up,in the morning that you'll have his suitcase in the car and then go to a cafe the seaside, a park, somewhere neutral and not straight home as you haven't yet decided if he's coming home yet

The "illness", if it its real which I doubt, is a red herring.

The fact is that he lied to you, was planning a bender and didnt want an earbashing. I am also very doubtful about the phone "dying", how convenient.

This news changes nothing imo, he is still a selfish lying drug taking profligate pillock who you and the kids would be much better of without.

Mmmm......

I’m sorry, but, hmmm, what? It all sounds like bollocks.

This is unacceptable for him to be putting you through this. What if the kids ask you where he is, what does he expect you to say, "I don't know"?! Then they grow up to expect this from the men in their lives and in their relationships in the future (if female) or to behave like this with the women in their lives when they grow up (if male).
Leaving him over that is no easy feat but you did it once and got things back on track, yet here he goes again doing the same thing.

Don't report him missing yet because he has a history of doing this and your kids don't need to see police turning up, nor should they have to deal with the worry, then him coming back safe and sound and the police assuming you're wasting their time and him being annoyed you've called the police.

Where is he and why does he not have his phone? If he does have his phone can he not borrow someone else's charger to text or call you to update you on things or even use another person's phone or computer to send you an email to explain what's going on? There are no end of devices people have in their homes and on them these days, technology is very accessible and it is very odd that he doesn't bother to update you. It's irresponsible and you should put your foot down I think unless there is a very good reason for this.

I'd be completely suspicious too. NONE of them are on Facebook? A likely story.

I'm gobsmacked that you find the father of your children using illegal drugs - COCAINE ffs! - to be 'embarrassing' and feel that he should be more adult about all this. Personally I feel he should be arrested.

I sincerely hope he's sensational in bed.

The OP needs to think of his children. Listening to posters here she is about to turn their world upside down. She said he is a good father snd his sons love him, they also need him, as does she. The posters here are so quick to want other women to dump their husbands, like they have never made a mistake or have issues.

The man has substance abuse issues and needs understanding - not coming come to packed bags.

The last person I would ever go to about martial advise is another woman because they would love nothing less than seeing everyone as miserable as they are.

Dear, oh dear.

The person I’d go to for martial advice would be Bruce Lee, if he were still alive, of course. Failing that, Jackie Chan, maybe.

Many women are good at martial arts (advice?) too - Cynthia Rothrock, perhaps? And then there’s Gina Carano, she’s amazing.

Incidentally, why are you referring to them as ‘his’ children?

Hard to tell from your update OP but you do realise that's utter bollocks don't you?

Wow OP. How utterly embarrassing. So how exactly did he end up at this woman’s flat? Have you spoken to the other bloke or just her? Is it definitely a couple? He’s basically lied at 2am and gone back to a strangers flat for a bender. WTF? How is that in any way acceptable. Regardless of him throwing up, the whole thing is ridiculous and not something you need when you are trying to raise kids. I don’t know what you do next. He’s obviously not trustworthy. To be out on an unplanned whole weekend bender shows massive issues and addiction/personality problems. It’s just not on. He’s totally taking the piss. You take him back home, everything’s ok for another year but then at some point he will do it again. You need to work out what’s at the root cause of this. He needs intensive therapy with somebody experienced in drug addiction if you stand any chance of having a future. Other than that, your life is going to be spent waiting for the next one and you’ll be back on here posting again. Nobody’s saying he can’t go out but this is extreme. I’ve done weekend benders and love it so know exactly why he does it but since I’ve had kids it’s had to be knocked on the head. Now having a night out means coming home, even if that’s falling drunk into a taxi at 2am (which happens once in a blue moon now)...rather than getting a taxi home at 2am he went back to theirs. Just be 100% sure that the woman you spoke to is definitely part of a couple and not somebody he picked up

You know that whole story is probably a load of bollocks, right?

I don’t think she does think it’s bollocks, though, unfortunately

my thoughts are of you, do whatever you think is right for yourself and children.all the best :)

I'm curious where they managed to find the matching charger after so long?

For those saying it’s rubbish, what do you think actually happened?

Putting you through this is bad, but also what about emergencies? I doubt you would be unreachable for a day or more, because if the other parent or a child is taken ill for example you would want to be sure they can get hold of you. He seems to not think about that. I also think the story sounds odd, if someone who had a partner and /or children was that unwell at my home I would definitely be thinking about how to contact people waiting for them.

Puking for 12 hours from alcohol and weed? I don't think so...sounds like he had a drugs binge (NOT weed, that won't make you sick like that after it wears off) so before you being him home I would be wanting the real story myself

So if his phone died and there was no charger......and no-one knows your new phone number, how did you manage to speak ????

Your partner is on Facebook perhaps? It sounds like you are in any case, so it wouldn’t have been too hard for your partner to get a message to you somehow. If he’s not lying, it sounds as if he’s too ill to think straight, which is outrageous. I’d be apopleptic.

Op- sorry to ask this but do you genuinely believe this?

Ceecee32 good point.....sounds about odd

Hope everything is okay OP