My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

I imagine that Mr Prince has arrived home in a bedraggled state by now, and OP has other things on her mind than updating MN.

Have just read through the whole thread..so sorry you are going through this shit OP. Some people are just so incredibly selfish it's untrue,

Hope things work out for the best for you and your boys.

I agree Robin. Why not select watch this thread if you have nothing useful to add.

I hope things work out for you and the boys also.
Concerned for you, hope that you are ok even if you don't manage to come back online

Hope you’re okay OP x

Just checking in to send you a handhold.

Hope you’re ok op

Hope everything is alright

Hope you’re ok op

Hope you’re ok x

Hope that you are ok OP. If he still hasn't returned that is unacceptable.
I would also be considering ringing the non emergency police number to report him missing and to make sure he isn't in a cell for drunk and disorderly or something.

I hope he's home and you are working this through with him.
Hope you are ok

Logged on to see if he's back yet, it's late now. I do so hope so OP and you're dealing with it. Take care.

Hope ur ok op

my ex used to do this so I know how it feels and what goes through your mind...hope you are ok OP and that he is back

I think you made a good point re: your children thinking this is normal, OP. It's no coincidence that his dad acted this way and now he does too. Clear evidence of how kids learn these things from their parents, and so he's now teaching it to your three boys, which I would be very, very angry about.

In my opinion, your a mother to 3 children and he is a father.

So how would it be if you went out with your mates, leaving him home with the children while you did a disappearing act for 2 nights (or even all night for that matter) and never mind the fact the something might have happened to him while he was out (and I sincerely hope that nothing bad has happened to him), how would it be if something had happened to either you or one of the kids and you needed to get him?? ...If he cant handle going out for a drink without doing this kind of thing, maybe alcohol is a problem for him. Even if you were married with NO children I would still be raging. Not knowing where he was and not being able to contact him. But he is also a parent and needs to share some of the responsibility. If it was me, I would wait until he came home. He would get the silent treatment for at least a day (that would also give him time to be completely sober before you spoke to him!!). Explain he has done this in the past and if this is the way he is going to behave again then your not putting up with it!!...Im all for people having fun, but thats just not fair, never mind the fact that you probably would at some point be worrying about whether he has maybe come to some harm (which I hope hes not).. Very selfish behaviour on his part!!

Good luck, hope everything works out for you.

XX

☹️

Thinking of you OP.

I see from your PP OP that you are a SAHM and you refer to your OH as DP. I am hoping that you are married but I fear not. I would make an appointment to see a lawyer ASAP and see if you have a. Claim for housing under schedule 1 of the children’s act. Your position is not good unless you have independent wealth. You also say he runs his own business... this is just about the worst case scenario for maintenance. Self-employed x coke habit x reasonable maintenance = pittance.
Hoping I’ve read that wrong and you haven’t had 3 kids without getting married first - in which case still see a lawyer and get any paperwork about his business together.

kittens talks sense. My ex (although we were married) much preferred shoving drugs up his nose than paying for his children. He left last year, and we haven't had any maintenance since March...

Wow, thanks for all your concern! Sorry I didn’t update but I played with the kids when they came home as I hadn’t seen them all day and then went to bed at the same time as them. But I’m lying awake now....
He’s not home but I have spoke to him, and I’ve spoke to the couple who’s flat he’s at who I’ve met before. It seems he went back to their flat at around 3am and they were smoking joints, something he hasn’t done in years! He passed out and then woke up being violently sick, which the poor girlfriend has had to clear up! And has been in their sofa ever since sleeping and throwing up. They’ve been looking after him there. His phone died and it’s a Nokia one so they couldn’t find a charger to fit it and they didn’t know my number, neither does he as I’ve changed it, and none of them are on Facebook.
I spoke to him, he was really suffering! He couldn’t move without spinning out. I told him to stay there as I didn’t want him home anyway, let alone in that state! And the couple were happy for him to stay on their sofa another night . I’m picking him up in the morning and will have it out with him then. He 35 so too old for all this now. He’s totally embarrassed himself and me!

So relieved to read your update. 💐
Hoping the two of you come to an agreement to find a way forward. My family are working through a similar situation.

So he lied when he spoke to you at 1am and 2am that he was on his way home, and accidentally went home with someone else to smoke joints.

That's nice.

I'd be very suspicous still. You've met this couple you say but have you spoken to both parties or just the female?

Not sure that I believe this to be honest.
I think that he knows that he is in trouble and has behaved badly and he is 'ill' to try and make you feel sorry for him and go easy on him....he is staying at the couple's another night to give you chance to cool off before he has to face you.
What a dick.