My partner went out last night and is still not home!

[Georgie300]

My partner went out for a leaving do at 7pm and is still not home! I spoke to him at 1am and 2am when he said he was on his way home. He either hung up on me a 2am or his phone died and has been off ever since! We have been together 12 years and have 3 boys together the youngest of who is 4 months. We are very happy and get on really well but He used to do this every now and then in the early days and the late nights then turned into all night! This would always cause a massive arguement and it all came to a head a couple of years ago when he went ‘missing’ for 2 nights! I left him over it and he was so apologetic and agreed to all my conditions so we sorted things out and he hasn’t done it since... until last night.
I feel gutted but I know I have to act on it so it doesn’t all start again. Should I leave even tho it means dragging 3 kids with me? Or since he hasn’t done it in a long time am I overreacting? Not sure what to do 😩

Are people seriously asking the OP for updates? If he’s not back yet she has more important things to worry about then updating Mumsnet!

Op, if you feel there is something wrong in your gut, then phone the police. Do not let posters on here tell you you are wasting police resources.

I hope you have heard from him and that you have peace of mind tonight for yourself and your boys.

ElsieMc

Op, if you feel there is something wrong in your gut, then phone the police. Do not let posters on here tell you you are wasting police resources.

I agree. I can't bear it when people talk about wasting a resource we pay for, and which most of us hardly touch in our entire lifetime. It's such an appalling message to send out to deterrent for cases like this. This wouldn't be wreckless use.

Give the poor OP a break - she has had a shit 24 hours because of that selfish coke head. She may not have updated for a number of reasons; maybe he has returned and she is busy giving the bastard the roasting of his life and the boot, she had no sleep overnight so she may be resting or she may simply be too upset.
I am sure that whenever she is able to she will come back and let us know what Is happening.
What i would say though OP is that if he returns, don't even let him in... tell him that he has taken the piss and put his bag outside.
If he doesn't return by 9pm maybe report him as a 'missing' person.

Is he back?
Hope your ok OP

The Arsehole would not be given any further chances after this. That would be it. Out on his pathetic arse and divorce proceedings started immediately.

Again. Not once has the OP said she's worried enough to call the police. That's why I said what I said and, again , she's not going to not ring them if she's worried enough to think they are needed because a stranger on line said not to unless she really felt they were needed !

hope you are okay OP. I think you did exactly the right thing in cancelling the bank cards. People in that state dont think of anyoen but themselves and will spend money they cant afford and it will be your kids that suffer.
I had an ex like this but luckily we had no children. Its so awful because you are angry but also incredibly worried that they might be hurt or have ODed or choked on their own vomit.
The thing is they wont give you a second thought until they are sober again so you sit there going thru hell while they are having the time of their lives with money that belongs to both of you.
Its so disrespectful and selfish.
I would classify this behaviour as a drug and alcohol problem because even if it happens infrequently it seems like he cant limit himself. Hes putting the substances first and putting the rest of his life second. His wife has left him before and may leave him again over his behaviour. That in my book classifies as addiction.

Id leave him because this really will end up having an effect on your children. He wont stop if you keep letting it go in the end.

I think ringing the police is a good idea too. Post 9pm. If he is fine then the police can give him a bloody roasting and if not all is well then they are on the case and help will hopefully be at hand.

I can't imagine doing this to my DH and the kids. I can't imagine DH doing it.
We had our fun before the kids. Much much fun! But it's not fun when you have little ones to think of and jobs to hold down to pay for your family.

Oh gosh. I really hope there can be some sort of positive outcome when he gets home. God knows what though! Stay strong and calm.

I agree that he's out of order. But also think that cancelling his cards is out of order too. Not coming home is not acceptable if he hasn't told you he's too pished to make it back

How are things op?

Hi Georgie, I hope your not answering people as he is back now and you are trying to sort things out. Hope your okay x

I think i would be a bit worried. He said he was on his way home. He didn't arrive. I know he has history but all the same. I don't think cancelling his cards was a good idea. Even if he has been drinking out all night, what if he is stuck?

Of course she should cancel the cards. He has done this before and wasted £500 on drink and drugs in a single night. That's our family food budget for the entire month.
I tend to think it's one thing to cheat or take drugs if you are childless but once kids are involved you are screwing them over too.

Hope he's back.

..she could have just taken the majority of money out and left some. Cancelling his cards? Even although i would be angry, i would still be worried.

.

I studied family psychology at university and I know the effects of separation on the children

A little education can be a dangerous thing. Separation does not automatically harm children. Living with a binge drinking and drugging father who stays out for 24 hours with no contact is far worse for kids.

@Postcode
Are you for real?? The OP absolutely DID the right thing cancelling the cards. Well done her I say. He is adult enough to get off his head on coke and booze, he is adult enough to figure out how to get home. If that is he can be bothered.
He can always borrow £20 or however much it costs to get home from one of his junkie mates or just jump in a taxi.
Why should HIS kids suffer and not have a good Xmas because he choose to be a prick and put hundreds of £'s up his nose?
He needs to learn some consequences. He has not been home all last night and all today. Why should the OP and her kids suffer more

Posting a full stop on a thread like this is fucking rude behaviour.

@neveradull
If he is stuck tough. He is an adult not a child although you would not know it by his behaviour

Hope everything is ok OP

Agreed Robin.

I thought that too Robin.