An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

[October]

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Thank you for thinking of me. I do have my 'moments' and have the odd crying or ranting session!
But I'm trying to stay strong for ds's sake. It's hard to come to terms with a relationship ending, for any reason. But somehow the little ray of light in my life gives me the incentive to get through the other side. If nothing else I can make sure me and ds are happy. H can go and worry about himself!! (Putting it politely!)

i think you guys are doing great, i really do, onwards and upwards girls!

Me too.

Lou, hope you are having a good lunch .

MLS, yes, it's really hard - hope your Relate sessions go well.

Dior, I was a little dubious too about your new counsellor possibly making a judgement without meeting your H first - but perhaps that comes out of his experience. At least he sounds very supportive and I think he's quite right that H's problems and behaviour are not caused by you. I would have thought, however, that even if it becomes clear the marriage can't be saved, it would be good for you both to have some sessions in order to find the least damaging way in which to seperate - for the sake of all three of you.

What has h said about going next week? Have you discussed what the counsellor said?

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Sounds sensible, and if he does agree to go next week, it would be best if he could just talk without being influenced by what he thinks is expected of him.

Though it sounds like getting him to open up or admit to any problems will be a real test of your new counsellor's skills...

Yes, how was the lunch, Lou? And WHAT was the text implying ?

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Do you think she's still at lunch ?

lol no i am home with my kids

he was nice, paid for the food, we talked loads about cp and scope and OMG HE MENTIONED MN AND SAID HE WAS REGISTERED!

and he knows i post here....!!!!!!!!

apparently he reads the sn boards, seeing as thats always been his work

so wave

(am dying of embarrassment here in case he reads any of my more erm upfront posts!)

Wot, Lou making upfront postings? never!

Glad your last session was useful, Dior - sounds like youve got a good team of counsellors there. Remeber you dont need to and probably shouldnt discuss what you say when you go individually.

Sorry you are coming to the conclusion its over - its a horrible feeling when you realise that, isnt it?

So that means we won't get the gory details Lou ? Glad you had a good time.

I'm at work still, eating chocolate again! Must step away from the goodbye gift...

Hope you're ok Dior, got to go home now, maybe catch you over the weekend.

honestly, what were the odds?!

it's funny really

dior give me a text if you need me, i wont be about tonight x

At least if he's a MNetter, he'll have a good overview of how we tick! And he's INTERESTED in how we tick - many men are not...

dont think he has ever posted, just read sn threads

i'm tempting fate now arent i

I'd be totally creeped out if some counsellor tried to give me a hug, especially after the first session. I'm sure they're not supposed to do that, or to say judgemental stuff about your partner. Not if he's an experienced couple counsellor that is, different if he were a psychotherapist perhaps whose job is to analyse and support you .

Wonder if they've got any different counsellors on their books.

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Dior, I found that post really quite moving. Your sadness just jumped out of it.

You really are doing everything to keep everyone else happy it seems at your own expense. It makes my head spin just reading what you're going through tbh.

I really hope Relate can help you sort out what to do. I think you know what you want. Would it be for H to move out, even temporarily, to give you some time and space on your own?

Thinking of you. And for what it's worth, I would be tempted to go the BBQ and have a good time. What's the alternative sitting in with H and being miserable?

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But you're not happy and you're exhausted by trying to be.

H is clearly scared of what's happening and wants to pretend/believe that things would be better if only you'd pull yourself together. He's so wrong.

Your feelings for G may be misplaced but they are very real and just add to the turmoil. Mind you, they wouldn't have occurred in the first place if you and H were in a good relationship.

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Dior, Just got a few minutes to get online - after mowing the lawn & pruning a massive potato vine that's taking over the garden... and - G's on the pull again! I can see why you're tempted, but I'm sure you'll tread very carefully.

I don't see why a couple of hours out of your day should interfere with happy family time. I too think h is very scared & it's making him even more possessive. After all, it gave you a breather and you didn't have to pretend about the BBQ.

Dp and I managed to sit up together till 7am this morning - we did a lot of talking since he's going to Norfolk tomorrow & we really needed to clear the air and review the ups and downs of the last six months. It went really well thank goodness. His unemployment seems to be the main culprit, & he also misses the 'quality time' we used to have when he lived in Cardiff - dd used to go to her father's most weekends, so we used to be able to sit up late and make love and generally be romantic. Moving in together with dd & the cats has been more of a culture shock than he expected, and he says he just froze, feeling the house is more ours than his, though we bought it together, so he's hardly done anything to do it up despite our plans.

I just hope that, now we've talked things through, he'll be better prepared the next time. Sadly, being an actor, there will be a next time...