Dior, GUM is right - you've worked damn hard at this marriage - I've read all the posts since you started in January !
Don't worry too much about your counsellor being male. When my marriage broke up, and dd was furious with me & dp, I went to a teenagers' counselling service which sees parents on their own as well as with their dcs. Dd didn't want to talk to anyone and dp was working away, so could only attend one session. I had 8 weeks with a male counsellor and he was amazingly good. So perceptive and sensitive, he might almost have been squatting in my flat during the crisis, he seemed to pick up on things so well - and he had a big box of tissues for when I wept . He helped enormously and I felt much stronger and able to help dd come to terms. So I wouldn't dismiss a male - and he will have notes on your previous sessions, so I'm sure he'll be up to speed with you. Give it a try, anyway. And it might be good to get a male perspective and remember, they're trained and they've probably seen it all before...
I live in Palmers Green, North London - just off the N Circular (dd says we're on the edge of the Ghetto but the road is very small and quiet despite the traffic at the end). Why do you ask?