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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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OP posts:
Dior · 30/06/2007 18:30

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lou33 · 30/06/2007 18:33

it's a pice of paper fgs, it's not like you forgot his birthday

he is over reacting

Dior · 30/06/2007 18:34

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lou33 · 30/06/2007 18:41

btw the tree surgeon is back

Dior · 30/06/2007 19:12

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lou33 · 30/06/2007 19:18

havent spoken but am going round later to see the others, so we will see

Dior · 01/07/2007 11:29

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lou33 · 01/07/2007 12:31

is that likely to last long?

Dior · 01/07/2007 16:10

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lou33 · 01/07/2007 16:47

dull

Tanee58 · 02/07/2007 13:16

Hi all, Dior, I am so sorry Relate went badly. I'm not surprised h thinks the counsellor is not good - she's not dishing out the advice to you that he expects. I still think he has a mother fixation - he seems to want you to be all-caring & all-nurturing - and he seems happy to do without sex whether you're thin or not - that seems a hopeless scenario - and if he's happy, that's ok isn't it - YOUR needs obviously don't matter - !!!

And Lou, goodness, I've DREAMED of being a size 8 - and size 12 would do me fine - what on earth are these men thinking of? How can we ever get beyond an obsession with weight whilst such men exist? And do they EVER look at themselves?

Dp & I are getting on much better this week - chiefly because he leaves for his Norfolk summer season next Sunday, so with work in the offing, his spirits have lifted. He even did the vacuuming yesterday and we had a nice night of drinking sparkly by candlelight and nibbling salmon and cheeses on Saturday night. Libido not quite what it was still, but at least we're doing hugs. I do rather fear for the future - he really needs to get other work in between his acting contracts otherwise I'll be going through all this again...and again... and don't know if I'll be able to bear it. I'd hate to feel all that love leaking away.

Dior · 02/07/2007 14:38

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Tanee58 · 02/07/2007 15:27

Dior - he tried looking for casual work initially, but the agencies he joined came up with nothing & then his jobseekers allowance claim was lost - and he quite suddenly dropped into a depression at New Year. He's been lucky that he worked pretty steadily the last four or five years, so this has been a new experience for both of us, and bad timing, since we now have a mortgage to worry about. The feeling that he's not been able to contribute much financially has been part of it (though he found enough money to keep buying the vino ). He always has drunk a fair bit - it's been part of his acting culture & he admits he increased drinking after he gave up smoking some years ago. But it was never an issue till now. Maybe he always got through 2 bottles a night - I didn't notice as we weren't living together. I can put a fair bit away myself, on occasion, but I've found myself drinking less now that he drinks more.

At least he's been coming to bed a bit earlier, we've been communicating better, and we've had some nice times - a trip to the V&A museum for their late night opening last Friday was wonderful, listening to free music at a country music festival on Saturday (50 people in cowboy hats in a soaking wet marquee, with a band playing washboards - not my idea of music, but it was a laugh). He's going to be working steadily from now until December, but I'm already dreading a repetition if he doesn't get any work after Christmas ......Actually, if it does happen again, I shall have to try giving him a kick up the backside to either sort himself out with some ADs or find SOME kind of work, before the depression takes hold. He knows I love him, so it's up to him (though on Saturday night, he said that, when he came back from working in Germany last year, he felt it wasn't his home - we'd only lived in the house 3 weeks before his going on tour - and that I loved my dd and even the cats more then I loved him! (actually, the cats have sometimes been better company !)

Glad your H managed to produce Sunday lunch AND do the hoovering. Must be something in the air - so did mine! It shows he IS capable of effort - if only to impress his father & step-mother!

ginnedupmummy · 02/07/2007 18:01

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ginnedupmummy · 02/07/2007 18:05

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Dior · 02/07/2007 19:29

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mummytosteven · 02/07/2007 20:13

the whole weight loss sex thing is jaw droppingly awful. one of the big ones to address on your list with the counsellor I imagine. I think time alone with the counsellor is a good idea, help you clarify your thoughts.

BreeVanDerCamp · 02/07/2007 20:16

Quick hug for Dior, in return for a quick hijack to MTS. Have you heard from Spacey ?

ohsmellyjelly · 02/07/2007 20:35

Hi Dior, good to catch up today, won't be around much more this eve but should be on messenger tomorrow afternoon. Hope you're ok

mummytosteven · 02/07/2007 20:36

yes! spoke to her a few weeks ago, and last saw her a couple of months ago, she's doing OK, very busy with face painting gigs atm, still got the dizzies though, but trying to cope as best she can.

lou33 · 02/07/2007 20:36

tanee, i know, exh was certainly not the same waist size between meeting him and leaving him, but i nevre mentioned it once

ohsmellyjelly · 02/07/2007 20:37

Hi Lou, how's you?

Tanee58 · 02/07/2007 20:48

If I were size 12 & dp made a comment, there'd be bromide in his coffee. Bloody men!

BreeVanDerCamp · 02/07/2007 20:49

Give her my love. Tell her she is missed on here.

BreeVanDerCamp · 02/07/2007 20:49

LGJ

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