An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

[October]

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Dior, its your thread, you can go on as much as you like!

As Tanne says, no harm in a crush - at least yours is on a real person! (I seem to be spending an awful lot of time on the DR Who treads lately )

By the way I think I might have found a good way to lose weight - broke a front tooth on Monday, had it filled today but theres a fracture line across it and the dentist thinks it could break again.

Now Im scared to eat anything crunchy (out go the crisps!) The dentist said to cut up apples - said he had seen a lot of "apple related injuries" LOL!

Dior - look at G as more a symptom of your current unhappiness with yourself/your relationship, rather than endowing him with any special qualities.

Dior - look at G as more a symptom of your current unhappiness with yourself/your relationship, rather than endowing him with any special qualities.

Agree

Agree with that too! Although if you have crush on someone else, I reckon you see something in them that's missing in your dp/h. I go by a mental check-list; there are must-have's, nice-to-have's and mustn't-haves. For me, a must-have that became apparent is to feel special/desired/sexy; I wasn't getting that at home; he said he thought it but he never ever said it; and as I was getting a bit of verbal attention elsewhere, it became very obvious to me that that was something I needed at home.

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Another reason I split with dh (I really should have changed my nickname for this post!) was cos the sex was not to my liking, not at all. Technically everything worked , but there was so much more missing which I'd had before. I remember the last time no was not an option with the ex, to put it mildly - and that was the last time we did it - and the last time I had sex - 14 months ago!!! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, FOURTEEN MONTHS AGO...!
You're right, sex does not make a relationship but it can break it, it is a verrrryverrrry important part of a full, loving relationship - if there's no sex, you might as well just be friends.
Just a thought, is there any question of him (a) doubting his sexuality, or (b) having someone else on the go? Slap me if I'm waaaay off line with either of those.

Sorry, forgot to post about Relate.... we did that as a couple, then a couple of years later I went back to Relate on my own to explore relationship issues I had which I wanted to talk about away from him. It is bloody hard work but as with everything, you get out of it what you put in; if you (both) work hard at the sessions, the best way forward for you both will become clearer. :-x (in lieu of a kissy emoticon)

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sorry i havent been about dior, am off ot bed now but i will catch you tomorrow i hope

keep going with relate, it will help you decide either way what you want to happen wrt your marriage

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NO! Def not rape, definitely not - although how would you define rape?
I didn't want to do it, but hadn't wanted to do it with him for a long time to be honest, but just sort of went along with it because it's easier to just get on with it and get it over with than to explain why you didn't want to. I would not say it was rape - unlike an experience I had when I got very pissssed at a party once years ago and woke up to some bloke, er, finishing off. trouble is, I was so drunk I really do not remember how it started.

i'm a bit down today but i'll cope

how are you feeling?

Hi Lou, haven't seen you on for awhile. Why are you feeling down?

Aimee, that's certainly not a great way to have sex. I remember a similar experience with an ex-bf - it was the last time we had sex (I wouldn't call it making love, as I wanted to end the relationship). It ended mid-bonk because I burst into tears - then he cried - and we knew it was over (didn't stop him stalking me for 2 years, but that's a different story...)

Dior, thanks for the Relate price quote. Wow, £50 - worth it if you can salvage something, but I might have to take a raincheck. Dp was a lot better last night, probably because he'd done a corporate role-acting job and was in a good mood. We went to bed at the same time & even got frisky - so I have a smile on my face today. I agree with the others - sex isn't the be-all and end-all in a relationship but BOY is it essential - otherwise you might as well be housemates. My exh for instance - 10 YEARS can you believe it? And then he blamed me for making him watch dd being born. Said it put him off. Not that he'd been that into it before ... perhaps TMI ? When it all came out after we parted, a few friends asked if I thought he was gay. I had wondered, but no, I think he's just genuinely a guy with a very low libido. He has female friends now, one an ex-girlfriend from his teens, but so far as I can tell from what dd tells me, none of them are 'overnighters'.

I agree about crushes - we have them because we imagine the fantasy figure, real or Dr Who, will provide what our real relationships lack. It's a sure pointer that something's wrong.

Dior, will keep fingers crossed that your Relate session tonight goes well.

it's just an accumulation of things , nothing in particular

life i guess

you just have to get onw ith it dont you?

Guess so ... big sigh...

main thing atm is my worry about residency for my kids, i started a thread in legal about it

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Halloo - seems to me your h expects instant results - he has to realise it's taken years for your relationship to deteriorate to this point and there's a lot of ground to go over before 'moving forward'. Perhaps it'll be best to try to sit on your hands tonight and see if he opens up - just so he can't complain as usual that 'it's all about you'. Course, he might just sit there in silence...

Dior - dont let H tell you what you can and cant say in counselling though - you have to say what you need to say at that time; he will get a chance to have his say as well.

If he cant take it with a third party present, how will he ever accept it?

Moving on isnt about pretending you dont have any problems or issue, its about accepting them and dealing with them so you can if possible put them behind you. Which was what P wasnt prepared to do.

Exactly, Fubsy - I don't think Dior's H really has an idea of what Relate is about. He seems to expect them to tell Dior to get on with it and stop being so selfish. After all, HE's perfect and it's all HER fault - argh!!!!!!

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