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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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OP posts:
Dior · 16/06/2007 12:16

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Tanee58 · 16/06/2007 16:21

Hi all, are we enjoying the rain? Anyone flooded? London is looking dreary and sunny by turns. My wandering moggy took one look outside and decided it was better to sleep on the landing.

Sorry to hear about all the rings coming off. It does feel very final. Mine were designed & made by my sister & were an unusual design, so it was particularly sad consigning them to a box. If dp & I ever decide to do the deed, I suppose I could ask her to melt them down & recycle...?

Dior yes, dp does drink more wine than is good for him - I suppose we all have a crutch & that's his. His family problems have gotten worse - his mother had to have her dog put down & that's really upset her - it was a very cute dog & only 6 years old.

At least we sorted out our problem on Thursday night - I went to a pub quiz with him, but the atmosphere on the journey was so thick you could cut it with a knife & I almost turned for home when we got there because I felt totally invisible, but instead managed to ask him what was wrong before his friends arrived. Turned out he thought I was angry with him, didn't know what he'd done wrong, so decided to leave me to it. So I said I'd had a really bad week at work, was feeling stressed and had wanted some TLC, but felt he wasn't responding. So ask for it, he said. I did, I said, but you didn't offer any. Oh, communication breakdown we agreed. He'd slept on the sofa on Wednesday as he thought I didn't want him around.

We seem ok now - and we came 2nd in the quiz, winning £3 each once we shared out the prize. I'd paid for our entry, so I wound up in profit by £1 - am excitedly planning how to spend it! We're going to see his usual summer company performing Twelfth Night tomorrow, down in Surrey, and meeting two of my girlfriends there, & that will be good, since we haven't been out much lately and I think we need some time together to remind ourselves that we're supposed to be in love . I have to say, though, I'm quite looking forward to him starting his summer job in 3 weeks - even though he'll be away till September & we won't see each other except at odd weekends - it might bring back some of the romance.

Dior, I hope your GP is able to help you with some suggestions for counselling or a change of ADs. I've never been on ADs and so know little of their effect - didn't realise they could take so long to kick in. I do think some counselling might help as like the others, I'm worried about how low you sound at the moment. I hope you have a great time with your friend. Nothing like a girls' get together to help get things off your chest.

lou33 · 16/06/2007 16:26

rain here is intermittent, the sun is out atm and its quite warm

lou33 · 16/06/2007 16:29

i felt free when i took my rings off, it was very liberating

then i went out and bought and amber and silver one for that finger, which is very obviously not a wedding style one

Fubsy · 16/06/2007 20:21

It hasnt made me feel freer, its not having him planning all our free time and then complaining that I never suggest anything thats making me feel free.

Actually i feel really sad about the ring, it was my design (albeit nicked) and made by the brother of a friend at work. I think i would like to wear it on the other hand, but it doesnt fit any of the fingers!

I dont know about feeling positive. I think Im just not thinking about it too deeply (Isnt that what I was accusing P of doing?) and trying to distract myself by keeping busy (and watching lots of Dr Who ).

I think itll really hit me when he moves out.

Dior · 17/06/2007 12:17

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Dior · 17/06/2007 19:06

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Fubsy · 17/06/2007 19:27

I know what you mean about things being OK - thats what kept us together for so long I think. But eventually I thought why should I put up with OK thats sometimes awful?

And why do i have to take him aside all the time and tell him how to be a father to his own child.

He'd been away for the weekend, came back late this afternoon. DD rushed to meet him, gave him her hand made Fathers day card and chocs.

He then sat down, changed the tv channel from Cbbc and started watching something else, occasionally telling DD off - she was busting a gut to get his attention. And thats so usual in our house, when its not the tv its the computer.

I know we all like to get a break now and then, but its just going back to thie old thing of men thinking they are owed the time out, and women just getting on with it.

Dior · 17/06/2007 19:30

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Dior · 17/06/2007 20:02

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Fubsy · 17/06/2007 21:08

Apparently not Dior!

Glad you had a good time yesterday, you sound brighter today. at G with 17 year old!

Dior · 17/06/2007 22:27

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Tanee58 · 18/06/2007 17:39

Dior, glad you're feeling brighter - Fubs, what kind of a so-called father is he? Feel for your poor dd - I bet she gets more reaction on mother's day.

Dp & I seem on good terms now - had a great day out yesterday. He's not acting in Twelfth Night - he should have been playing Malvolio, but he was offered a summer season in Sheringham and because of the hernia op it seemed a better idea, otherwise he would have been hefting scenery in and out of the van all summer. His company's called Rain or Shine and they do brilliant productions (website shows old photos) all over the country every summer. He really misses not being with them this year as they are friends and he's worked with them for 10 years, but it was best to take a break this time.

We went on to a 70th birthday party afterwards & got home about 1.30am - dd was still awake having watched music programmes on digital. Somehow got up for a target day this morning & then I suspect she went back to sleep & I dragged myself into work!

At least dp was pathetically grateful to me for putting up with his extremely drunken party friends, especially as I'd never met any of them before though I recognised one or two from TV dramas - and staying sober to drive him home! I shall cash in on that to get the house vacuumed and a meal out of him tonight . Would like more but he's still afraid of busting his stitches !

Dior · 18/06/2007 19:49

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Fubsy · 18/06/2007 20:00

Tanee - LOL at thought of extremely drunk 70 year olds partying until the small hours! And glad the stitches are intact!

Presumably you and DP werent the only younger guests?

Dior - why cant your H just accept the food he's given! Personally I think most people would rathr have a ready meal from M&S than one of my burnt offerings, but there you go. How are his stitches?

reminds me of the time P had a mole removed - he asked me to remove the stitches as he couldnt be bothered to go to the GP - but chickened out at the last minute when he saw me hovering with the scalpel!

(Incidentally Ive let him remove my stitches! He is a nurse by the way - although Im not .

Dior · 18/06/2007 21:09

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Dior · 19/06/2007 15:29

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Fubsy · 19/06/2007 16:09

Thats good timing! You need to go i think, what ever he decides.

Ive stopped arguing about things too - trouble is, I think he see that as things being ok, while I see it as cant be arsed now. True, it does make for a nicer atmosphere in some ways, but TBH is that a way to live long term?

Dior · 19/06/2007 16:11

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Dior · 19/06/2007 18:52

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turquoise · 19/06/2007 18:56

Oh Dior.

That's good news about Relate though - you make sure you go, sod what he does or doesn't do.

Dior · 19/06/2007 19:08

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Dior · 19/06/2007 20:00

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lou33 · 19/06/2007 20:07

oh boo hoo for him

i'm sorry dior, i know it's a terrible time for you but from everything i have read, i have no sympathy for him anymore whatsoever

Dior · 19/06/2007 21:17

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