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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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OP posts:
BlueSkynSunshine · 08/06/2007 22:09

Sorry Dior just x-posts. Hope all ok. Stay strong.

BlueSkynSunshine · 08/06/2007 22:25

You feel this way because you are confused obviously!

Just try and take a step back - DO YOU LOVE H? Sorry for shouting but you have to answer this. I've asked you this before btw. xxx

Dior · 08/06/2007 23:29

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macdoodle · 08/06/2007 23:31

sorry Dior just looked at your photos again why do you feel unattractive you are gorgeous !

Dior · 08/06/2007 23:31

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Dior · 08/06/2007 23:34

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macdoodle · 08/06/2007 23:38

yeh well DH has made big issue of the fact that I gained about 3 stone after we got married FWIW think they are supposed to love us whatever and not make us feel crap about ourselves and 3 stone is not that much you looked tiny

Dior · 08/06/2007 23:41

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macdoodle · 08/06/2007 23:50

DH used to say same to me (and still makes sly digs even though I lost 4 stone after OW mainly stress TBH) - I don't think it is an excuse for lack of affection care and consideration - but I do know how it works subtly undermining your self confidence and esteem its pretty horrible

lou33 · 09/06/2007 14:07

you sound so utterly defeated dior, i wish i could do something to fix it

fwiw i think your h knows exactly what he is doing and how much affection he needs to dish out to make you doubt yourself and stick with him

i wish i had a wand to wave

Dior · 09/06/2007 22:11

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Dior · 09/06/2007 22:48

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mummytosteven · 09/06/2007 22:58

Control, control and control, I can only surmise.

Rather than seeing it as defeat, see it as a painful but necessary stage if you do proceed to separate.

Dior · 09/06/2007 23:00

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Dior · 09/06/2007 23:02

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lou33 · 10/06/2007 12:13

bearable

i think it is completely heartbreaking hearing you describe your marriage like that

Dior · 10/06/2007 14:40

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macdoodle · 10/06/2007 16:46

wow snap

lou33 · 10/06/2007 18:35

why do you need his permission to go?

why does he have to let you?

Dior · 10/06/2007 20:34

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lou33 · 10/06/2007 20:38

but you know that, so what is stopping you from going if that is what you really want?

Dior · 10/06/2007 20:39

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lou33 · 10/06/2007 20:57

there isnt anything really

TimeForMe · 11/06/2007 08:15

Do you cuddle your DH or show him affection? Does he get to see you smiling and having a laugh these days or do you wait for him to put a smile on your face? Maybe your DH is depressed too. Have you asked him how he feels. He obviously doesn't want to lose you. Maybe you are both trapped in a vicous circle of depression.

Tanee58 · 11/06/2007 17:10

Hi Dior, how's you? It's good that you've organised lots of girls nights - though he'll probably throw a bit of a strop. It does sound like he's dependant on you but won't admit it - and that, really, is his problem that he won't face up to - hence saying everything is your fault; but the important thing is, do you REALLY want to go on like this the rest of your life. You know, you do deserve some real happiness that isn't dependant on him condescending to smile.

Any news of your next Relate appointment? I feel more and more that you and he aren't going to progress in any direction - either together or with considering separation - until you can discuss all this with a counsellor. It seems that you are just going round in circles and unable or afraid to find a way out.

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